I lost custody of my daughter

**justagirl817** · 09-20-2010 04:32 AM

Hello everyone, I'm new here...and really I just need someone to talk to I suppose.
I have lost custody of my daughter and quite frankly the depression is getting to be unbearable...and well, that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

I got pregnant last year by the guy I'd been involved with for a year and a half at the time. He'd been very abusive to me in the past (beating etc) and I stupidly went back to him, and things were never really ok, we always fought...three days after I told him I was pregnant he hit me in the face with his motorcycle helmet and left. I ended up moving in with family and he was continualy emotionally abusive. I wanted him to be involved and he always fought me on it. I went into preterm labor three times and I really think it was from the stress of dealing with him. Long story short, I had my daughter and things were ok with me....he was still emotionally abusive afterwards. I was really depressed after she was born and one night when she was about three months old we were fighting and he was saying horrible things to me about me being molested as a child, having to have a c-section, having a hard time breastfeeding (in his words, I was too stupid to know how to breastfeed), about my dad dying, and well the list could go on and on....but he pushed all my buttons and I tried to kill myself by taking an overdose of tylenol pm...I ended up in the hospital, then in a treatment facility and I was released as healthy. But CPS stepped in and removed me from my home with my daughter.

I still see her whenever I want, but it's just so hard being away and I'm so alone in all of this. I do everything CPS asks of me but I'm feeling so lost in all of this. I don't know what to do anymore.

Is there anyone else out there who's dealt with anything similar?

**sungoddesschelsy** · 09-20-2010 07:53 AM

I cannot say I've gone through anything similar, just wanted to tell you to keep your head up... be strong and remember that all things pass. I'm sure its hard to keep your mind off the negative but engery goes where attention flows, if you are thinking of nothing but the negative things in your situation thats all there will be... negativity. Write down your steps for getting your daughter back... start planning on where you will live and what you will be doing together. Put your thoughts and engery into what you want to happen instead of what already happened.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-21-2010 11:10 AM

Know that first and foremost, I am not judging you but trying to help you think things through

Below is my perception of your situation.

First priority : To get child back

How did I lose her? : I overdosed purposely, therefore, selfishly putting my own feelings before the feelings of my child.

Why did I do this? : I was overwhelmed. New baby. New living situation. Emotional and physical abuse from baby's father. I did not know how to deal with it.

Why did CPS take my child? : To protect her....from me. Because to be a good parent to this little girl, to keep her safe, to keep her healthy and happy and give her the best life possible......I have to be healthy and happy. I have to be trustworthy. I have to be able to step back and figure out solutions or ways to deal with my problems that are proactive, not deadly.

So what can I do to get her back? : Every thing in your power. Starting right now, this second, change your attitude. Pick yourself up. You've had a rough road. You don't have to anymore. This is in YOUR control. You want to be with a man you know will hit you? That's your choice. You cannot change him, but you CAN change you. You were abused as a child? Seek therapy. Work through your demons. Live your life in a way that you'd not be embarrassed or ashamed if someone plastered every detail of it on a 100 foot billboard beside the freeway with your pic on it. Live your life in a way that if someone placed a magnifying glass on you, they'd find not even a shred of anything bad. You have been a victim of domestic violence. Seek support groups. Theres a group called Courage Network (google them) that I'm a member of. Consider checking out the site, seek support, advice, etc. You can never be the mother your daughter deserves as long as you're allowing a man to put his hands on you. CPS wants children to be with their parents. But first and foremost they have to protect her, because she has a right to be protected. Little girl has a mother who tried to kill herself, and a violent abusive father. You cannot change her father. You CAN change you. And know that when you have proven yourself, you will get her back. But it is time to work on you.

You can do this. Pick yourself up. This is not the end of the world. This time is a gift to you so that you can get yourself and your life together (including ridding the guy from your life TOTALLY. He hits you now, he'll her her when she's older, and she'll grow up thinking it's all she deserves) and be the parent your little girl deserves. If you let yourself sit home depressed, moping, crying, wallowing... you will not be productive. Get up. Be patient, proactive, and get that little girl back.

**alliksu** · 11-05-2010 08:36 PM

Beautiful Disaster hit the nail on the head. I am a social worker for a local family preservation agency. I've worked in foster care and am pretty familiar with how CPS works. Are you currently working with a foster care agency? If so (and in most states, even if you just work wit CPS), you should have a case plan...something on paper that states steps that must be taken by you to get your daughter back.

As someone who has worked with a wide variety of family dynamics, I strongly suggest looking into receiving therapy (if you aren't already). If cost is an issue, look into state based health insurance, ask around for agencies that use a sliding fee scale (usually based on income), or even take advantage if working with a foster care agency...several agencies have in-home therapists, which usually means they come to you and are free since you would be working with their agency on getting your child back.

There are so many other things you can do...but first is to get that man OUT of your life. You deserve better and so does your daughter. I have a huge disgust for men who think it's ok to be abusive to women.

I truly hope you get your daughter back. I wish you all the best!