Considering kicking out my 17 year old.

**rhiannon34** · 10-04-2010 10:24 AM

I was hoping someone here may be able to give me some good advice. I have had trouble with my 17 year old since he was very young. He was diagnosed ADHD in Kindergarten and has been on meds for it ever since which help a lot. Even still throughout his school years especially since third grade I have practically drug him through school. And even then he barely passes. He has been grounded more than not in the last several years for failing grades, and nothing helps. I have encouraged him in football, but he still failed, I have made him go to tutoring, he would still skip it half the time and still fails. I have even had him with a weekly counselor to help him with ADHD for the last 2 years which helped none. He was interested in Architectural Graphics last year and it was the only B he made, he failed everything else but PE even though I told him all year that if he failed this year he would not be able to continue attending regular high school. He failed the 7th grade and then failed his 9th, then got pressed charges for truancy, even knowing what the consequences were, because we had to attend a 4 hour class on it before going to court. At court I asked the judge to let him go to a Masters Program to get his high school diploma and he agreed, since my son was not likely to graduate at 20 years old. Also since he had been threatening to move out once he turned 17 and I figured this was my last ditch effort to get him a HS diploma. Now that he has completed that, I have been after him to take college classes in the spring in whatever he wants to take. He has been literally loafing on the couch and doing nothing but watching tv since school ended last year. I filled out his application for a community college and his grant application myself online. I set up his own account on my computer, told him to use it to look for jobs and research colleges, but he only tries to look up porn. I can't hardly get him to do chores around the house, he always "forgets". I also can't get him to take his meds for ADHD even after telling him to every morning and making him set a reminder for himself on his cell phone. At this point I am wore out from trying to get this child to do anything productive for himself, and supporting him on my own. I finally asked him yesterday if he cared anything about taking college classes in the spring and he said, not really since he didn't get very far in high school he felt like he needed to get some "life experience" for awhile before going to school. This made me super mad, especially since he hasn't lifted a finger to even look into any college classes. I told him that if he isn't going to school he won't live in my house period. I am not going to continue to support him while he lays around watching tv and eating and give excuse after excuse why he can't ever do anything else. He turns 17 next month, has an 8th grade education (but a high school diploma!) and never even worked, kinda doubt he will much since I have been after him to get a job for the last year, and he hardly ever goes to look for one. In a way, I feel like the only way he'll ever try to do anything with his life is if he has to to eat. But I don't want to do anything that will hurt him in the long run. Any suggestions?

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-04-2010 01:01 PM

I have no clue what I would do. Honestly, he is completely unmotivated to do much of anything. It would be so hard, but I think I would consider kicking him out too. Tough love right? At this point you have totally enabled him by doing everything for him. There is no reason for him to do anything because it has always been done for him. It seems he would really benefit from joining the military because his options seem very few, but I don't know that they take them at 17. If you do kick him out, where would he go?

What if you pulled the plug on the television, the computer, and all things fun? Take the keyboard with you when you leave. Take the cable box. Get rid of all his electronics and strip him of everything. I am really not sure what you can do but either get tough or kick him out.

**rhiannon34** · 10-04-2010 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Lunar Keiki

I have no clue what I would do. Honestly, he is completely unmotivated to do much of anything. It would be so hard, but I think I would consider kicking him out too. Tough love right? At this point you have totally enabled him by doing everything for him. There is no reason for him to do anything because it has always been done for him. It seems he would really benefit from joining the military because his options seem very few, but I don't know that they take them at 17. If you do kick him out, where would he go?

I really don't know where he would go, probably to friends houses. Not sure how long their parents would put up with it either. I am kinda to the point I don't care.

[/QUOTE]What if you pulled the plug on the television, the computer, and all things fun? Take the keyboard with you when you leave. Take the cable box. Get rid of all his electronics and strip him of everything. I am really not sure what you can do but either get tough or kick him out.[/QUOTE]

Trust me, done this. I have even gone to the lengths that I had already taken everything else away and he kept getting in trouble, I have taken all his books, and all his t-shirt and jeans, making him wear only polos and slacks to school. Thats why I had to set him up an account on the comp, because he's not been allowed to get on it for the last 4 years due to porn. I password the tv, we have no games like play station or anything (unless you count the ones his friends bring over and he hides in his closet). But always, the more I punish, the less he does and the worse he acts. He just says "I don't do what you want because you are always griping and punishing me and you're too hard on me, why don't you just let me do my own thing"

Seriously......

**kristalyn_04** · 10-04-2010 01:46 PM

Ok well, this is a tough situation for sure... but I would encourage you to NOT kick him out of the house, because from a legal standpoint, you can actually get in trouble for doing that, as he is still a minor. If he was 18, then yes you would have every right to, but I just don't want you to get in trouble. If you can't get through to him, I would suggest getting some outside help. I don't know what the social services department is like in your state, but look into it, they often help with troubled children and intervene to help get them on the right track. If the situation is severe enough, they might actually take him somewhere like a group home that is very structured and help him work through his issues. Good luck.

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-04-2010 01:51 PM

God I feel your pain. I wish I could give you better advice. Ever thought of taking him to a local prison to take a tour? They do those things here for middle and high school at risk youth. Scared straight kind of thing. Or is it too late to send him to those at risk boot camp type programs? I guess if he is going to be 17 he could just leave.

I am really sorry, but I don't know what options you really have because of his age. You may have to just cut him loose and pray for the best. But that could go either way, and would you be willing to accept if it didn't go well?

**WildChild** · 10-04-2010 01:57 PM

Diet has been found to be a big factor in many ADHD cases. Allopathic medicine doesn't give it much attention since there isn't much profit in it. I have a nephew who was diagnosed as ADHD some years ago, getting him off dairy and some homeopathic treatment, completely altered his life. Take your son to see a Naturepath or Homeopath and see what they have to offer?

Understand that even if effective, there will still be the matter of years of learned behavior to unlearn. But it could make a significant difference. My nephew went from failing to honors in a matter of a few weeks.

**rhiannon34** · 10-04-2010 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by kristalyn04

Ok well, this is a tough situation for sure... but I would encourage you to NOT kick him out of the house, because from a legal standpoint, you can actually get in trouble for doing that, as he is still a minor. If he was 18, then yes you would have every right to, but I just don't want you to get in trouble. If you can't get through to him, I would suggest getting some outside help. I don't know what the social services department is like in your state, but look into it, they often help with troubled children and intervene to help get them on the right track. If the situation is severe enough, they might actually take him somewhere like a group home that is very structured and help him work through his issues. Good luck.

Not illegal at 17. Know for sure, not just because his counselor and the judge confirmed it, but my mom kicked me out at 17, and I asked law enforcement then if it was legal.

**rhiannon34** · 10-04-2010 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Lunar Keiki

God I feel your pain. I wish I could give you better advice. Ever thought of taking him to a local prison to take a tour? They do those things here for middle and high school at risk youth. Scared straight kind of thing. Or is it too late to send him to those at risk boot camp type programs? I guess if he is going to be 17 he could just leave.

I am really sorry, but I don't know what options you really have because of his age. You may have to just cut him loose and pray for the best. But that could go either way, and would you be willing to accept if it didn't go well?

Funny as this is, he has been to a prison as a scare tactic, a couple of years ago by a family member who worked at the jail after getting kicked out of school. Didn't do jack. Weird thing about my son, anytime he is told NOT to do something, it has always been the FIRST thing he turns around and does, no matter what the consequence.
Yea, I think I would have to accept it, I mean it's either now, or later right? The only thing I'm doing in my eyes right now is enabling him to be lazy and delaying the inevitable.

**rhiannon34** · 10-04-2010 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Diet has been found to be a big factor in many ADHD cases. Allopathic medicine doesn't give it much attention since there isn't much profit in it. I have a nephew who was diagnosed as ADHD some years ago, getting him off dairy and some homeopathic treatment, completely altered his life. Take your son to see a Naturepath or Homeopath and see what they have to offer?

Understand that even if effective, there will still be the matter of years of learned behavior to unlearn. But it could make a significant difference. My nephew went from failing to honors in a matter of a few weeks.

I am really big into homeopathy and I have read books, and in the 7th grade I was frustrated and put him on special diets and all kinds of herbs and supplements. It didn't work. I think it's one of the reasons he ended up failing. And I have 0 money for a homeopath. Wouldn't matter anyway, right now, I can't even get him to take a multi-vitamin, or his ADHD meds, much less get him to give up any foods, no matter how much I hem or haw. He just does what he wants no matter what I say.