This is a sticky situation... Your post came at a weird time, I swear I just had this conversation with a best friend last week, as she is somewhat going through the same thing. Ultimately, she is leaving the decision up to her son, who is 14. Right now, he has no desire whatsoever to meet his sperm donor. The reason she is leaving it up to him is because of her older sister. She, at 35, is still trying to come to terms with her mom never giving her the option. Her 'sperm donor' ended up dying a couple of years ago of a heart attack and this has cause a lot of tension between her and her mom because she was never given the option to meet or even know of him...

With my friend it is a little different. She got pregnant at 18, he freaked out and ended things. He then voluntarily signed over all parental rights. A few years later, she met a wonderful man, got married and he then adopted her son. For all intents and purposes that is his father. The boy ended up getting sick with a hereditary disease, so she did have to contact him to see if he knew anything of it, was it anywhere in his side of the family, etc. They started talking, he expressed deep, deep regret, thinks about it all the time, yada yada... He asked to see pictures and she sent them, she still doesn't know why, but she did. Her son knows that his dad, isn't his real dad, but that he adopted him after his sperm donor gave up his rights. She asked him if he wanted to meet him and right now, he has no desire too. Maybe he will, eventually, but right now he doesn't want to.

She gave him the option because she didn't want what has happened between her older sister and her mother to happen to her son and her. She said it was incredibly hard, especially for her husband, he is/was scared, that boy is his as far as he is concerned. Does she forgive her sperm donor? No, but what he did gave her the man she is with now, so she is fine with the way things turned out.

It is a sticky situation hun, my heart just breaks for the decisions you and your son will have to make in the future. We want to protect and coddle them from anything that has the potential to hurt them in any way, shape or form.

Hugs to you sweetie.