Parenthood and Unconditional Love

**Maximus** · 06-01-2011 06:03 AM

This thread is more about parenthood than motherhood only, so the men can also chime in.

What, according to you, best represents the quality of a good parent ?

To avoid browsing the topic too largely, I give a little context to my question.

Context:
I have met and came across who despite having the biological ability to have children, had no talent, desire
nor interest for their children. The behaviours resulting from this lack of interest and love are well documented.
And I am sure what I am talking about.

On the other hand, I have met extremely beautiful persons in heart, and in life,
who would have made any child happy, and yet "life" made it as such they didn't have children of their own.
These people continue to give their love and attention to all that are ready and willing to receive: cousins, nieces, nephews, animals, significant others...

Second question resulting from this observation:
Did some/many of us needed parenthood in order to experience unconditional love with a particular individual or a smaller set ?
Whilst those who are not directly involve in parenthood get to experience a magnified unconditional love ?
(magnified because they get to truly love ALL)

Your thoughts and observations. Please.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-01-2011 06:19 AM

Whilst those who are not directly involve in parenthood get to experience a magnified unconditional love ?
(magnified because they get to truly love ALL)

I guess I am directly involved, she was 11 today 13, asks me questions, yet respects her Mum and talks to her like "sisters" with me she sees the spirit, believes in that side and CW she knows of this site, so she asks those questions, not growth of a woman but make sense want to know questions, un-conditional love? Yes, she accepts me, un-conditionally took her for me to stand up for her, loss of now communication with her two cousins, but the fact I stood up for her when they made her cry? She is team CW..

Love un-conditionally is well beautiful... I should know having to wake so often every night to a diabetic or a nerological prob keeping me on a strick thing daily whilst trying to work, love my man, his daughter and those dogs...This is in-deed a testing for me, one that I embrase but one that says goodnight at latest now 10pm

**WildChild** · 06-01-2011 10:13 AM

It is unfortunate that there are no tests for parenthood because some people don't have the sense the Goddess gave a flea and keep dropping babies just because they really can't successfully do anything else - like care for them, teach them, support them, provide limits or being loving toward them. I've talked with women who actually have stated that they have babies to keep from having to do anything else, such as get a job. There are males who think impregnating some random female, whom they don't care about, proves their virility. It would really improve the gene pool if these people didn't reproduce.

Some people, many young women who feel lost and lonely, have babies to have someone who will love them. This doesn't take into account that the baby/child is Their responsibility to raise, care for and teach, children shouldn't be expected to fill our emotional voids, IMO to be a good parent(s) you need to be emotionally healthy and not vampirizing your children to fill your need to be loved.

All that said, I have found parenthood to be a tremendous growth experience. I love and adore my children. There are times they drive me nuts but I always love them, it isn't conditional. There are times when a parent has to be firm and set limits, those shouldn't be about the parent's power trips but about keeping the children safe and allowing them to spread their wings in an appropriate manner.

Having children can be one way of learning to love in a much larger sense than we might otherwise but it is not the only way of doing so. Some people naturally have a get ability to love all and many can learn to open up to it. I started a thread the other day that was obliquely about this but purposely didn't make it very clear - so far no one seems to have grasped it. LOL.

**Agony_Aunt** · 06-01-2011 08:24 PM

Having children can be one way of learning to love in a much larger sense than we might otherwise but it is not the only way of doing so

I have heard before that the love people have for their children is unconditional. I am starting to feel that love, that different kind of love towards my un-born baby. But most of all I can't wait to have that feeling of pure love rush through me when I see, hear feel and hold my baby.

I have met and came across who despite having the biological ability to have children, had no talent, desire
nor interest for their children. The behaviours resulting from this lack of interest and love are well documented.
And I am sure what I am talking about.

On the other hand, I have met extremely beautiful persons in heart, and in life,
who would have made any child happy, and yet "life" made it as such they didn't have children of their own.
These people continue to give their love and attention to all that are ready and willing to receive: cousins, nieces, nephews, animals, significant others...

This makes me think of people take their children for granted. Where as the couple who cannot have children, realise truly how beautiful and special children are.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-02-2011 03:31 AM

This makes me think of people take their children for granted. Where as the couple who cannot have children, realise truly how beautiful and special children are.

This is so true so does this then pose a question of those whom take children for granted also ignore those children, don't teach them life's lessons and to love themselves, encourage them and is it those children who are lost?

And simularily those whom can not or did not through any means have children whom love all and guide all, spend their life loving and showing the beauty and wisdom of life, how special a person is, are they the children who are found?

Profound I know but makes sense.

CW

**Risch** · 07-07-2011 03:11 AM

That rush of love everyone talks about when you see your baby for the first time??? I never had it. Not with 1 of my 3. I used to feel like a disconnected mother because of it. Until I realised one day - My bond with my kids goes deeper than a rush of love. I wouldn't trade them for the world, I have sacrificed greatly for them, (and will do again), and cannot bear the thought of them not being with me. Sure they have sleepovers, they visit their dads, etc. But they always come home to me. Sometimes wonder if that doesn't border on selfishness... I have a friend who has been trying for 7 years to fall pregnant. I think a lot of parents take their kids for granted, because the possibility of losing them is not a reality. I think those who long for kids and those who know that losing them is a wink away, appreciates their kids more. And then there are those who didn't want the kids to start off with - and I'll rather not say anything about them. It's a broken upside down world. I just hope I teach my kids to stand as straight as they can.