want to get pregnant, but don't get much sex

**brunettebabe** · 11-02-2011 12:17 AM

I want to have a baby more than anything. My husband says he wants one too, but he doesn't have sex with me very often. We've been trying unsucessfully for like four years now. The problem most likely has to do with the lack of sex. Wouldn't you agree? We do it only once every two or three weeks. Since he is the one that wants it only once every two to three weeks he is the one that controls it. I try to initate it, but it almost never works. He usually makes me stop. He will tell me we'll do it Monday, but by the time Monday comes around he will cancel for some reason and then will tell me we'll do it Tuesday. Tuesday comes and he will cancel it again and say we'll do it Wednesday. When Wednesday comes he'll do the exact same thing and the day after that. It upsets me the more he cancels it and the longer he makes me wait. He knows this, but he just says he is not trying to make me upset and tries to make it better by buying me dvds. I own about 330 dvds. Right now he wants to buy me 13 more: 6 for an anniversary present, 5 for not having sex with me, and 2 for pretty bad agrument we had. We just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary about two weeks ago and I got no sex for the special occasion. We didn't have our anniversary sex until 10 days afterwards. Terriable, I know. He can't understand that you have to have sex a lot more in order to successfully get pregnant. He thinks that even though we might not do it very often I should still be able to conceive and since nothing has happened yet he says I might have a fertility problem. He wont get checked to see if his sperm is good or not because he is convinced its perfectly fine and shouldn't have problems fertilizing an egg. I have written similer stuff on here before and people usually say we lack comminication and that I need to initate it. He knows exactly how I feel about it so how are we lacking in communication? I do try to initate it, but it almost never works so what does have to do with this? Any other comments or advice?

**MeghanCouture** · 11-02-2011 02:16 AM

Maybe he has a low sex drive? My husband and I are both young and don't have sex very often. However that is because he suffers from low testrone, That's really the only thing I can think of. In order for you two to have a child you need better communication skills, It kinda seems like he is putting it off. Are you sure he is ready to have children? That is most deffinatly something you need to talk to him about because he can only give you the truth.

**KMonte85** · 11-02-2011 06:49 AM

Seems like your husband might be in some serious denial. He won't have sex with you, but he thinks you've got a fertility problem because you're not pregnant yet? Yeah... not so much.

A few DVD's don't make up for lost intimacy. I'm sure you've told him this, and tried to explain to him what your frustrations are. But a one-sided conversation is still a communication problem. He has to open up to you and let you know what's going on - I'm at a lose for how to get him to do so other than counseling, which typically someone who is so closed off would refuse anyway. It seems odd that a man who wants a child would refuse sex and tell you you're obviously to blame for the lack of conception... that's just irrational, he must know that.

Tara, are you monitoring your fertility cycles closely? Do you know when you're ovulating, when your most fertile days are? These are the golden times, the window of opportunity, for you and your husband to conceive. If you only have sex every 3 weeks, try to make SURE it's during your fertile days.

**Little** · 11-02-2011 09:09 AM

Do you really want to get pregnant inside a "loveless marriage," as you put it, with a man who is schizophrenic but doesn't take his medicine? (There is research that suggests schizophrenia runs in families.) He doesn't compromise to take care of your needs, sexual or otherwise, so what makes you feel like he would be a capable parent?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-02-2011 02:33 PM

Tara, there are so many heriditory problems with people in this World.. Do you not have children because the child may also become schizophrenic? Would you be a good Mum, if that occured and ensure medication was taken? Would you leave your husband if for some reason, the child appeared to be in danger from your husband, due to his illness? Should someone not have the beauty of having a child just because there is a chance it may have a gene that is controlable? I think that would be very un-fair personally...

You should know your husband after 7 years, you say you both have been trying, you need to honestly ascertain whether or not, you are trying but he is deliberately "not" trying, as he really isn't ready, can't afford one, or other reasons perhaps, as he is frightened of that gene carrying on...

The only person who can really answer you as to why he isn't giving you sex is him, how do you get the truth out of him? IDK, but I know that you can't say, "you promised", maybe use reverse physcology on him and act as if you don't want it yourself anymore...

The one thing I would agree with where "capable parent" is applied, is that you have to be prepared to go it alone, to ensure that the child is safe, takes medication if the gene is passed down and medication is required, speak further to your Doctors about that, and the worse scenario, best scenario and what is involved and ascertain if this was to occur if you could cope and have a loving family around you to support and help you.

If none of the above would apply, then I would re-consider and think about it.

**brunettebabe** · 11-03-2011 12:42 AM

Back in the day hubby and I used to sleep naked together every night, shower together every morning, and have sex about four times a week. Now none of that stuff happens. I am not exactly sure, but I believe I am ovulating this week, but hubby doesn't want to do it until the weekend or until the beginning of next week. I think I will be done ovulating by the time I get some . The reasons why I haven't got pregnant yet most likely has to do with the lack of sex and doing it when I am not ovulating. He is the one who controls the sex so its him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-03-2011 01:23 AM

Okay so doesn't that tell you that he doesn't want to have a child yet?

I imagine you are telling him this, "but I am ovulating" and he is working out when you aren't and then giving you sex, that makes perfect sense to me.

Sit down with him sweet and talk to him about your future, children, your wishes, his wishes, your fears, his fears etc...

**belinda_davis** · 02-02-2012 08:47 PM

My husband and I have sex at least say 7-9 times a week. I got pregnant after two months... Are you sure you want to have children with this guy? 'Cause he doesn't sound very loving any more. But you'd know him better than me so its your call obviously.
Oh yeah and about the schizophrenia thing: I have schizophrenia and I have not once gone out of control or tried to hurt my child, but in saying that I also take my meds every day. And if it is hereditary then well I know exactly what to look for and I can help my child cope with it. Same goes for you and your family.

**jns** · 02-02-2012 08:53 PM

bd, you are doing what is necessary to lead a productive life. I applaud you. I think Tara43 is now posting under a different name because she lost her password.