I'm having the worst problem with my grandmother. She worked for DHR,child services for a long time(so of course she knows EVERYTHING ABOUT CHILDREN AND BEHAVIOR). Anyway....she(her and my grandfather.who is just as gulity of spoiling every grandbaby they've ever had) keeps my 18month old daughter in the evenings after daycare(i work from 7am-7pm)I just went to drop her off and she starts screaming for me to pick her up and just throwing this tantrum.......Ive been trying not to give into these tantrums because she knows what she is doing....IF SHE CRIES....WE WILL PICK HER UP....well ...i'm tired of carrying her..
My grandmother proceeds to say"well, they only cry for a reason, she needs to be loved and held..she knows mom is leaving again"
This may not really sound that bad to you all...but i'm telling you .. everytime i try to lay down the rules....grandma has an answer.....All they do is spoil her and ruin everything that i'm trying to do...I'm trying to get her off the pacifier...she went two days without it...slept and everything...i get to grandma's and there she is with the passie again. i'm tired of it...and my grandmother is so **** sensitive that she starts crying if i try to tell her something different than what shes doing
ITS MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!! she tries to guilt trip and make me feel like i'm not there enough for her....well you know what....maybe i'm not./..but i have to work the hours that i do to provide for her---and to make a better life for her than what i had....i want my daughter to have the best things in life.....okay i'm ranting...........i think i might start leaving work a little earlier-and pick her up from daycare-and not go to grandmas house everyday.....is that wrong?

i understand where you are coming from but why dont you talk to your grandma and tell her how you are trying raise her and the rules you have for her and tell her to help you out not bring you down and about not going to grandmas house everyday well maybe you can limit the time she is there but dont separate your daughter from your grandparents because then its going to create a problem and your grandma is going to get hurt i just think it would be best to talk to you grandma I'm sure she would understand!

No one knows everything.

Steph is right when she says that maybe you should talk to your Grandma and tell her that you've got rules and you're trying to raise your daughter a certain way. Surely, she can't go to school crying and wanting to get her way all the time!

That's exactly what your Grandma is setting her up for everytime she undermines your authority and goes against your wishes when it comes to what you want for your child.

If she can't respect what you're trying to do, then you should limit her time with your Grandma because she is going against you.
This causes a child to become confused, and play "odds against the middle."

Simply put, your child will learn to use Grandma against you in order to get what she wants. She will also do this with other people as she gets older.

I can sympathize with you for MANY reasons. I have 3 daughters (21-19 & 14 now), I was just barely 18 when I had my first daughter and my mother KNEW everything because she had raised me and my sisters...plus I was young and had no clue what to do (or so she thought). I could never do anything right when it came to my oldest daughter, my other two, my mother didn't care about at all. Games were and ARE still played to this day when it comes to my oldest...again, my other two don't have a relationship with her at all....my oldest daughter played right into my mother's games and I spent years completely frustrated because nothing I ever said mattered. It did come to a point that I had to keep her away from my daughter completely (it was out of a movie plot how twisted my mother is/was)...NOW my oldest has a daughter and my parents watch her during the day (much like your situation) and now all the games are being played on my daughter with HER daughter. She calls to complain about it but I can't do much for her...I spent years telling her how horrible they were to me because of wanting to spoil her and now they are doing the same exact thing to my daughter....it is a vicious cycle.
You are in a tough spot...I don't think talking to your grandmother will help, but you can give it a try....maybe if you tell her you need her expertise in getting your daughter to give up the pacifier or the screaming, she might take it better....if she is ANYTHING like my mother, she WON'T be told or even ASKED to do anything different than what she does...unless you NEED her help....it is ALL ABOUT CONTROL>
Good luck to you hon'
Just for the record....I AM now a grandma and I treat my daughter and granddaughter with respect....what my daughter says....goes....she is her baby's mom and I KNOW from my own horrible experience that it only causes hate and resentment when you fight the mom....and I have way more fun with both of them because I don't "worry" about how she is being raised...I TRUST my daughter and know she loves her baby....(I don't always agree with HER life choices...but she is an adult now....)

thanks for all the responses! it helps to know that i'm not over-reacting or just being mean...thanks again!

Switzgirl,
We've all been there, and you are definitely not "over-reacting".


At this point, the best thing you can do is find someone else to watch your daughter so that these games aren't being used against you or on her.