I recently moved and, of course, when you move you get new neighbors. Well, my son has made friends with another boy who seems to be obsessed with him. Examples:

*He wants my son to come to his house every day to play computer/video games.

*He wants to come to our house every day to play games computer/video games (which we have limited to only on weekends for that reason).

*Whenever my son tells him he doesn't feel like playing, he tells him to go and ask us for permission anyway. I've even caught him trying to coach my son on what to say.

*He seems 'overly generous', and gives things to my son (a webkinz, mcdonalds, lets him borrow those video games). He offers to bring food items over from his house because he feels they are "sooo good and we have to try them". He even bought over videos for my husband to watch (I had told him before hand that Hubby already had the same videos). He said he wanted my husband to 'like him'.

*We limit the times during which our son can play but this boy will still come over after the curfew and ask if he can come in. We have learned to say no.

*Today, my son returned to elementary school and this boy has moved on to Middle School, so they now take different school buses.He phoned me and asked if he could go to the bus stop and meet my son for me! I told him it's his first day back at school and I'm his mom, so I'll go. Well, I go to meet him and the boy is there waiting! Says he just wanted to ask my son how his first day back at school was.

*Later, when I was picking up my younger daughter at the same bus stop, he runs out to tell me that his mom was still at work and his older sister was going out and could I let my son stay at his house for ten minutes until his mom comes home. I said no, but he could come over until his mom gets home.

*We have had to caution this kid about things he says in our home that we consider to be against our families beliefs (religious and otherwise).


My husband and I feel like we have to hide out whenever he rings the doorbell. I keep wondering if 'mothers intuition' is real. I know that I have to do what's in the best interest of my child. This is the first 'neighbor friend' that my son has had (he's very shy). I don't want to keep my son from having friends, but I have such wierd feelings about them hanging out together. I guess I'm ranting here, because the whole bus stop incident so bothered me. Is this how kids play? Does this sound normal?

I don't think this sounds normal. Middle school children shouldn't want to play with Elementary school children, unless perhaps your son is only separated from him one or two grades. Even so, it doesn't sit well with me.
How does your son feel about this? He may feel just as uncomfortable as you. Since you say he is shy, maybe he's waiting for you to set boundaries for this boy?
How well do you know the boy's mother/parents? I don't know what grade middle school starts where you live, but it doesn't seem reasonable to leave a 6th-7th grader home alone with no supervision whatsoever. The boy's relationship with his mother/parents may be strained for some reason or another that you have no way of being aware of.
He could even be autistic; he can't distinguish facial patterns that denote mood or nuance of meaning. Autistic people usually blend in very well with "normal" people; it's very difficult to tell that they have a personality problem, but you realize that their personality is different.
I suggest that you try to talk to his parents. Maybe you could find out something more that will help you decide what kind of boundaries to put on this friendship.
As it is, I think you're doing the right thing by creating limits. Of course, I'm not a mother, but I'm saying it as a former shy child who often had bullying "friends." Let us know how it works out.

My son is about two years younger than this kid, but because kindergarten starts earlier in our old neighborhood, he is a year ahead of the other kids, the youngest in his class. They are one grade apart. I have asked him about what they do when he's over there. He says they pretty much just play video/computer games. My husband got on the other kids case about not playing outside, so now if he knows that Hubby is home, he will play outside for a little while, and then ask if my son can go to his house or play at ours. His mom seems to let him talk to her in whatever tone he wishes, which Hubby has also got on his case about, and he's commented that his dad does "nothing" with him. I speak to his mom every now and then...neighborly chats and her occasional request for us to watch him. Maybe he's trying somehow to escape his home life or trying to get something over at our house that he doesn't get in his own. You mentioned bullying...I never looked at the situation in that way, but I guess you can bully without necessarily hitting someone or always saying mean words...the point of bullying is to have power over a person and make them conform to someone elses will (the coaching)...and he is bigger (lightbulb moment ). I'm glad that you told me about autism, because I see some of what you've described. I will have to look up some info.

He was sitting on the sidewalk waiting at the bus stop again today, asked to play with son at his house. I told him 'we would see'. But a schoolmate came and asked my son to play outside. It was a totally different scenario.

Thank you for your response. You gave me some things to think about.

Wow!

That child sounds like he's soooo lonely!

He may have autism; that's quite a possibility.

It seems his parents don't spend much time with him. It's like he's raising himself!

I don't understand why his mother lets him talk to her any way he wants and why his dad doesn't set any boundaries with him.

I think that's why he's so drawn to your son: he has a mother and father that take time with him; his parents set boundaries for their children and the children adhere to what's been said to them.

This little boy that wants to hang around your son is lacking all of that.
He wants your husband to "like him" because he wants validation from a dad---doesn't matter if it's his dad or not.
His own dad doesn't seem to pay him much attention.

Little is right--- I'd get with the child's parents and talk to them... maybe have lunch on the weekend or dinner one evening and talk about the kids.

I think that's a bit weird, too. Little has a good perception on things.
I do believe if you meet and spend time with this boy's parents, it would give more insight into what's going on with this child and why he's latched on to your son so, and why he wants your husband's approval of him.

This poor child needs some validation and quality time, and his parents aren't giving it to him.

Dear Alibaby,

I really don't think there is anything wrong with the little boy next door. He sounds like a child sent from heaven!! I know it can be really irretating when someone is too nice, it just doesn't seem normal! Put your son in this little boys shoes. Imagine he sat at home alone, day in and day out, and when Mom & Dad get home they are too tired to pay him any attention. And who knows how long this has been going on for. This little boy sounds very, very lonely and he is clearly looking for some kind of attention. He is so eager to please all of you. Give him a chance. Set clear boundaries for times & days he can come and play, how long they should play outside for, how long on the T.V. games etc. Who knows he might end up being your sons best friend for life!!

Dear Alibaby,

I only joined today and have just noticed that your post is actually a year old already!! My luck you have probably moved as well!

Oh well, this whole giving advice thing made me feel better anyway.

Hi Odette Gailey , welcome to teh Forum..

Glad it made you feel better, and we look forward to your replies and any thead you start.

CW..

PS.. Wow so many don't realise they are old posts well done and thanks for bringing that up...