do babies have growing pains?

**jns** · 04-23-2012 05:24 PM

Has hubby taken care of jr yet? Has he taken care of a baby before including making formula, feeding, burping, bathing, changing diapers, holding, getting baby to sleep, putting baby on bed or in crib, etc.? If not, he has his work cut out for him. Be as patient as you can be while he learns if that is the case. Maybe a schedule that has him take care of the baby during the wee hours of the morning will allow you to get enough sleep.

**Little** · 04-23-2012 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Aside from colic.... a baby can get spoiled VERY quickly to being held. Think about it...he's been attached to you literally for 9 months. He feels better when he's attached to you now.

It feels warm, comfy, secure, good. He likes hearing your heartbeat. He likes feeling you breath. It feels like home. That doesn't mean you should hold him all the time, but if there is nothing physically causing him to cry, it could be why he's doing it. "I cry. Mom holds me. Perfect."

Newborns are too young to spoil. Too young to manipulate, psychologically not developed enough to make the connection you're espousing. A baby NEEDS to be held, needs to hear his mother breathe, needs to hear her heartbeat - that's how his body learns to regulate breathing and heartbeat, actually.
Darling, when your heart tells you to pick up that crying baby, by all means do it! Cry it out (CIO) is extremely controversial. I'm not into it, personally. That's not to say that you should never put baby down in his crib, swing, chair, or other safe environment and go to the next room for a time out. You need to do what works for you, what your heart says is right. I had to do a LOT of googling in the early months of my son's life and I had to make a lot of unconventional (but healthy!) choices as a mother, and I had to have a lot of information to back it up.
Babies benefit from as much physical contact with their caregiver as they can get. Some babies will demand it more than others. If you don't have a sling or a baby carrier, look into getting one ... it has been my lifesaver.

Is there a family support organization in your new area? Reach out to them. At least some of the ladies running it are going to know what it's like to be a new mom in a new place with hubby away. They might have some programs (or just some free time) to help you get downtime.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-23-2012 05:57 PM

Newborns are too young to spoil. Too young to manipulate, psychologically not developed enough to make the connection you're espousing.

Yeah...I think it's somewhere around 7-9 months before they develop the skill of manipulation. haha.

I guess I was just trying to put it in perspective as if to give the baby a voice so that it made sense. Sure, the infant isn't thinking in words like Stewie off the Family Guy... but it's pretty well known that a baby, even an infant, grows accustomed to being held the more they ARE held and are displeased to some extent when they are not held. I've known many mothers of infants who held the baby CONSTANTLY because they wanted to, then suddenly found themselves required to do so to avoid baby upset. I'm not talking science here.

**ItsASecret** · 04-23-2012 06:46 PM

Newborns are too young to spoil. Too young to manipulate, psychologically not developed enough to make the connection you're espousing. A baby NEEDS to be held, needs to hear his mother breathe, needs to hear her heartbeat - that's how his body learns to regulate breathing and heartbeat, actually.

No newborns do not go through manipulation tactics or anything lol. Newborns literally have no idea what is going on, they do not have the ability to recognize mom as an identifiable individual, they have no concept of memory that if mom leaves the room she will be back or if they cry mom will come back and so on. But they can recognize her touch, her voice, how she holds the baby and the newborn does develop the association that only "this thing" aka mom can comfort me and no other. The result is that some babies will cry if held by anyone else or if mom puts baby down and the blankets do not have "moms touch". The association is that the soothing is not right compared to mom and hence the baby becomes upset if they are put down or in someone else's arms. Once they develop their own sense of identity at around 4 months of age or so they realize they are separate from mom that is when they become aware of the fact that if they cry they can get attention.

Then there is the chance of separation anxiety which can begin as early as 6 months, but all babies are individual. Personally I am for picking up newborns and making that "mom is comforting" bond but once the possibility that they are crying just for attention hits I am more reluctant to follow the pick up at any noise method.

**Little** · 04-24-2012 10:00 AM

A mom learns to tell when her child is needing versus wanting, and also learns how to choose her battles when baby and mommy needs are at war. Any caretaker does, really. I hope hubby takes the time to enjoy his tiny baby while he's still tiny ... they don't stay "lumps of baby" forever! It's normal to be scared or overwhelmed by the thought of taking care of the baby, but you can't let it get in the way of taking the opportunity.

BD, I think babies show their colors early ... if your friends were holding their babies all the time, and then they became toddlers who always wanted holding, it could be that they were just that way from the beginning and it wasn't noticed. Some kids want more physical touch than others (I say as I try to type under a toddler climbing on me.) Of course, that's not a scientific opinion either ... just an observation. Two kids out of one family might come out on opposite sides of the physical-contact spectrum.

**Darling** · 04-24-2012 02:21 PM

Well my conclusion "do babies have growing pains" possibly, I think Jacob was in a growth spurt. My poor little man had 2 long rough days he hardly slept at all. I do believe he had a icky belly as well. He seemed to have a then around by 7 last night, finally slept and by 3 am had 3 large poops. Today he is back to my sweet little boy.

Plus daddy came home last night and we had 3 hour siftes in different rooms. That really helped me get some well needed rest and allowed daddy to sleep too. I was able to shower, eat , and I went by myself to get my prescription filled which I really needed but could bare to wait forever to get with Jacob being so fussy....

Yesterday was hard for both off us, and I did finally put him in his bouncer, and I went upstairs for a few mins just to breathe. I felt horrible doing so, until his crying stopped and I came down stairs to a sleeping baby. He hadn't slept without me in nearly two days! I was able to est and relax. After that much needed nap he was much less fussy.

Thank you everyone for helping me stay sane and being so supportive