Hi everyone. I need advice. I feel so helpless and I don't even know if there is a problem. My 5 year old is in kindergarten. He is sweet and caring with the biggest heart. When I drop him off at school in the morning I watch from afar when he gets in line. It seems like the other kids ignore him. He is a fun boy who makes friends easily at the playground when we go and he also has a best friend that lives next door but doesn't go to the same school. But in his class line I see him try to talk to the kids and they all seem not interested. after a couple of minutes he just gives up and plays with his hands by himself. It breaks my heart. But he always wants to go to school. Does it seem like I am being over sensitive about this. I know what it is like to have no friends and no self esteem and I never want him to feel this pain.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi Smilenow and welcome!

I feel your pain, especially when you talk about yourself and not wanting your son to experience related issues that you have been through. It's normal for a caring mom to be concerned about her childs social developement...you want him to fit in, to be happy. My son had trouble socializing in kindergarten, even nursery school. He was eventually diagnosed with adhd. In school, he was very restless and his classmates didn't want to play with him. He's 11 years old now. Modifications at school over the years as well as enrollment in sports have helped with his confidence and his social skills...he has a few good friends. I think that me getting more involved in school/PTA events has also helped. I'm not saying this is your sons situation, but you can start by talking to him about how he feels in school, simply what he likes and doesn't like. Then talk to his teacher about his responses and what you've noticed to get an idea of what he/she sees when he's in school. Maybe there's something going on in school that you haven't been told about.

I would tell you to meet with his teacher and ask how he's interacting throughout the day.
Just like adults, lots of kids just "aren't morning people." Parents are so busy nowadays, and mornings can be a stressful blur for children, not to mention that many parents don't enact a bedtime either. So while your child is well-rested, calm, and happy, the other children could still be tired and cranky.
It just doesn't follow for me that he would want to go to school if he doesn't have friends. Kindergarten was only 15 years ago for me, and I would certainly have fought tooth and nail if I had been lonely there. If your son makes friends other places, he should be able to make friends there. I hope it's just a situational problem for him.
Good luck

This is VERY SERIOUS.
I have always made 'sneak attacks' on my children's
schools to insure that they were not being bullied
that they were not being exposed to whatever I
felt was inappropriate.

My daughter loved school, she had lots of friends.
When she entered High School, her first year,
she only had one good friend, and I was thinking
of taking her out of the school.

However, things turned around for her, and it
was alright, but I spent a lot of time monitoring
to see what the problem was.

You have to make sneak attacks at the school.
She what happens in the class. See if he is
isolated, or has friends. School yards are not
the best microscope. Sometimes kids are
zombies in the yard and wildebeasts in the class.

Spy on the class.

If you see your child isolated...change schools.
Nothing warps a child more than school.

Parents come a far third.

A child spends most of his life in school.

Think about it...
he is sleeping, he is woken for school, he
goes to school for his 'whole day'.

Time is relative, every hour in school seems
like four. If the school experience is unpleasant,
if learning takes a back seat to survival, there
is no sense in your child being in this school.

This is not over reacting, he does not have to learn
how to be in school save if he intends to go to prison.

There is no other place, save Prison, (and to an
extent, the Army) where one's liberty is so constrained.

Go to the school, watch him in his class when he
can't see you. If you see anything you don't like,
move him.

Thanks for your advice. I always try talking to my son about school. he says he has friends but other than that he doesn't want to talk about it. He would much rather talk about what he learned. so i don't push it because I love that he is enthusiastic about learning. My mom thinks I am making too much of it. She says i am overcompensating because i just had twins and I feel guilty because he has had my attention for so long. I just want him to be happy, healthy and not be affected by the ugliness of the world. Too much to ask?

Hello Smilenow!

I would drop in the school from time to time just to (quietly) observe the classroom, teacher and the surroundings. Don't let your child know you're coming to the school.

Kids make friends ... .but you know what I find may also help (if you think your child isn't involved enough; or have many friends)?

You can volunteer at your childs school for different things! When your child sees you involved in his school it helps. You also get to meet other parents.
Next thing you know, you'll be setting up "playdates"!

That's one of several ways to get your child to meet other children.

I always dropped in, always was involved in everything,
knew all the teachers, the other students, so that if
I even felt something was wrong I could ask one of
the other kids and get some truth.

You know kids will always say, "Nothing".
But when you speak to a friend of theirs you get
the whole 'nothing.'

Loving to learn is great, he should have a computer
and you should go to sites like Starfall which I
found very useful. There are a few more as
well I send to a friend of mines son. Unfortunately,
Ariel is a year old so can't read, but his dad reads
his mail.