I have a good friend who has a 17 month old boy. She and her boyfriend, also a very close friend. Are both in their late 30's-mid 40's. Their boy is their life, and rightly so. The problem is that they expect their boy to be my life to. He's a good kid, very happy and sweet. But he is reaching the terrible two's and his mother does not discipline him at all. He's never been told the word no. (unless it is by me, I babysit a lot) She's a stay at home mother and the kid is completely over-stimulated. She's always holding him, shaking a toy in front of his face or otherwise entertaining him. It's to the point where you can't set him on the floor with some toy and even run to the bathroom.
She dropped him off the other day and he just ran all over my place destroying everything in his path. When she came back, I was at wits end and she asked how he was and I said he had been pretty bad and all she did was baby talk and goo at him. At one point they were on the couch and he reached over and grabbed my lamp on the end table and smashed it down and knocked over all of my trophies. (I have about 5-6 and some framed photos on the table) All she said was 'No-no' is a sweet little voice. As I sat there in horror. (the furniture isn't even fully paid for yet)
Anyway, this is one story of many many just like it.
Basically, she has entirely too much time on her hands to dote on her boy and for some reason expects me to do it to. I'm glad to help out because I know his father is very overworked to support the two of them.
So a question for the mothers out there. A: What are my boundaries when watching him. (I should probably ask the mother anyway)
B: Do I just suck it up, or is there a gentle way to say something to her.
I certainly don't expect her to start spanking her kid or something, but sometimes I feel that if you are going to take that approach and create a little brat who doesn't listen and just goes around wrecking stuff then you can't expect anyone to help you care for the kid.
It is my opinion that he is old enough to be disciplined. He is not to young to start learning what the word "no" means. I'm not suggesting spanking him at this age but a stern "no" and a spat on the hand would suffice at this point. What happens when he gets to the stage of walking, you turn your back for a split second and he's reaching for an electrical outlet etc. .... he needs to know that no means no.
I can see where you are worried about maybe offending them with your feelings on how they are handling things. Maybe you could politely bring it up with them one day when they are oohing and aahing and just say something to the affect that they should know at some point things are not going to be cute anymore. They cannot continue to let him do as he pleases, the older he gets it will be harder and harder to accept that he has to behave.
I knew this one child that was never told no at a young age. When he got a little older around 6/7 his mother would try and tell him no and he would react with horror, even to the point of slapping her.
I think that is where he is heading. Last time I watched him he kept turning all the knobs on my sewing machine and I said a stern NO about 10 times and he kept doing it. One time I grabbed his hand when he reached for it and squeezed it and said no again, and he looked at me and glared a death stare! As if to say, 'No one tells me no lady' LOL.
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