Ok, I need some help on this one....I have four children and they each have their own rooms. My concern is my daughter....she is getting ready to turn 10 this month, the problem is is that she is so unclean....nasty....and I hate to say nasty, but it's just ugh! It makes me so mad , and fustrated. I tell her to clean her room and she doesn't clean it....no big deal if she didn't keep her dirty panties on the floor, trash, food (that she sneaks in there). On top of that she doesn't like to take a bath...let alone wash down there. Underarms smell worse than any man I've known. The backwards thing is, is that in a sense she is also a girly girl. Meaning she likes to get her nails, hair, and wear nice frilly clothes (on top of funk). I've threatened her with not buying new things or doing the girly things...I mean it is so bad her lil sis won't even sleep with her in her bed because she said it stinks...(my oldest also wears pull ups..she has bw prob) and she will leave the pull ups out...USED!!!! I am afraid that when her monthy starts (dr says could be close with her symptoms) it will be worse.I am afraid of someone hurting my babies feelings, I mean me and my husband are at a loss for words. HELP???????

Are you sure she understands how to wash herself?
That may sound silly, but when I was young, about that age, it never occurred to me that I had to wash the top of my head (it made soap go in my eyes) so I didn't do it. My mother asked me and asked me about why my hair looked so nasty, my sister got in trouble for using Skin So Soft in the bathtub (my mother thought that's what made my hair greasy,) and finally my mother asked me to show her how I washed my hair ...
Kind of a strange story, but true.
And some kids are just messy. I never had a clean room (though it was never gross, just unkempt) until I left for college, and now I am a total clean freak. Make a good example and she will follow it eventually, if my story is the norm
Good luck!

EDIT: Oh, and concerning her time of the month ... I guess I'm kind of dirty about that. I always got in trouble for letting my pads bleed through and things like that, but I just never felt that sense of failure when it happened ... it just did. I found myvag a few years ago, and the author of that 'site feels the same way, so I just don't worry so much about it anymore. The only problem is laundry and sometimes staining ... but if it's taken care of right away, it's not so bad.

Sounds like my thirteen year old...We've had some big arguments over the state of her room and her hygiene. She just doesn't 'get it'. And she just started her period a few months ago.... I told her that if she drops anything on the floor and doesn't pick it up, I automatically have the right to confiscate the item and do with it as I see fit and she can't say anything, because I warned her. As far as her hygiene, she's in middle school now and I warned her that kids in middle school won't 'mince words' when it comes to body odor or bad breath or anything else that is 'foul'...and she will be embarrassed. Things are slowly getting better. I agree that some kids are like that and you have to just stick to your rules. You can make a 'date' to help her clean up her room once and for all. After it's cleaned, set some rules...I read a while back about drawing up a 'contract' where you outline exactly what you expect of her as far as her room and hygiene are concerned. She goes against your rules, take something away or take away a privilige...you decide the consequences. Also reward her for keeping things in order...start with one week at a time. And rewards could be as simple as time baking cookies with mom...I know my kids would love that as a 'reward'. It can drive you crazy, but hopefully with time (and patience), she'll see that you are serious and she'll do better.

Well, I've have done everything thing I can think of. From a very young age I showed her the proper way to wipe and clean herself as far as her hygine is concerned. I've had her come in the bathroom with me to actually see the process being done (I thought she needed to see instead of being told). That didn't work either. Our 4 year old daughter's does a better job of cleaning herself than our oldest. And she just doesn't get it...I hope something changes soon it's driving me NUTS!!!! I have taken her ipod, tv, radio, phone and am about to move her out of the big room. I think moving her MIGHT affect her because it is the biggest of the childrens rooms and it also has it's on bath (the kids share). But my husband and I was talking and we don't think it is fair for the other kids to go thru her foul smelling room to go to the bathroom, or to step over stuff or trip (which they have) because it is just that messy!

I think that her hormones are making her feel "sluggish" and she doesn't have the energy to "wash" herself like she should. Now that doesn't mean she shouldn't make every effort to keep herself clean...

But hormones, especially about the time a young adult female is due her first cycle, can really wear her down.

I'm a bit confused ... how can you want your hair & nails done and have "frilly" things when you generate an odor ... ?? It doesn't go together.

Have you flat out told her that her hygiene is poor? Have you told her the effects of poor hygiene? Sit her down -- just YOU, Mom --- and let her know how you kept your room clean (it will be easier to keep clean if you put things up as you go rather than piling up stuff THEN trying to clean up a mob of stuff); how you took regular, daily baths (or showers if she prefers) -- does she have a lot of hair under the arms? Perhaps you can show her how to shave that excess hair. You know excess hair holds odor, so if she can clear that away, her deodorant will be more effective.

Someone was right when they said kids "won't mince words" when it comes to body odors---especially on females!
I've gone into school and smelled all kinds of odors from little kids! You have to tell kids at a young age about hygiene and body odor.

Just talk to her and show her what she needs to do (I really feel for you. You sound like you're at your wits-end with this!) I think she'll catch on to what you're saying to her.

Trust me Jubes, I am a bit confused too....I don't understand how she wants the nice things and doesn't clean and all that. I AM at my wits ends. I have done everything I can think of. I even let her go to the dr...as she was and the dr told her her hygein was NOT acceptable...must've went in one ear out the other. I hate to say it, but I honestly think someone is going to embarrass the out of her in order for her to snap out of this. And a answer to your question is YES, I have told her bluntly...YOU STINK! She has cried, but she doesn't change her ways. We have shaved up under her arms....that didn't help either.

I know you say you've tried everything, but how many times a week does she take a bath or shower? I ask because, as simple as it sounds, maybe you need to increase how often she bathes and MAKE her go into the bathroom...For my kids, it's usually a minimum of three times a week during in the winter, but from how things sound, maybe she needs more. Don't leave it up to her to decide. You don't want to baby her, but she's nine years old...Many older kids still need a parent to be on their behinds.

my niece is 12 now and has similar problems with cleanliness, and i mean in all the ways you say your daughter is. I live with her and she always confides in me and what she tells me is '' being afraid to grow up" shes afraid of leaving being a child.she knows her b