Thread: Messy/Unclean Daughter

Are you sure she understands how to wash herself?
That may sound silly, but when I was young, about that age, it never occurred to me that I had to wash the top of my head (it made soap go in my eyes) so I didn't do it. My mother asked me and asked me about why my hair looked so nasty, my sister got in trouble for using Skin So Soft in the bathtub (my mother thought that's what made my hair greasy,) and finally my mother asked me to show her how I washed my hair ...
Kind of a strange story, but true.
And some kids are just messy. I never had a clean room (though it was never gross, just unkempt) until I left for college, and now I am a total clean freak. Make a good example and she will follow it eventually, if my story is the norm
Good luck!

EDIT: Oh, and concerning her time of the month ... I guess I'm kind of dirty about that. I always got in trouble for letting my pads bleed through and things like that, but I just never felt that sense of failure when it happened ... it just did. I found myvag a few years ago, and the author of that 'site feels the same way, so I just don't worry so much about it anymore. The only problem is laundry and sometimes staining ... but if it's taken care of right away, it's not so bad.

Sounds like my thirteen year old...We've had some big arguments over the state of her room and her hygiene. She just doesn't 'get it'. And she just started her period a few months ago.... I told her that if she drops anything on the floor and doesn't pick it up, I automatically have the right to confiscate the item and do with it as I see fit and she can't say anything, because I warned her. As far as her hygiene, she's in middle school now and I warned her that kids in middle school won't 'mince words' when it comes to body odor or bad breath or anything else that is 'foul'...and she will be embarrassed. Things are slowly getting better. I agree that some kids are like that and you have to just stick to your rules. You can make a 'date' to help her clean up her room once and for all. After it's cleaned, set some rules...I read a while back about drawing up a 'contract' where you outline exactly what you expect of her as far as her room and hygiene are concerned. She goes against your rules, take something away or take away a privilige...you decide the consequences. Also reward her for keeping things in order...start with one week at a time. And rewards could be as simple as time baking cookies with mom...I know my kids would love that as a 'reward'. It can drive you crazy, but hopefully with time (and patience), she'll see that you are serious and she'll do better.

I think that her hormones are making her feel "sluggish" and she doesn't have the energy to "wash" herself like she should. Now that doesn't mean she shouldn't make every effort to keep herself clean...

But hormones, especially about the time a young adult female is due her first cycle, can really wear her down.

I'm a bit confused ... how can you want your hair & nails done and have "frilly" things when you generate an odor ... ?? It doesn't go together.

Have you flat out told her that her hygiene is poor? Have you told her the effects of poor hygiene? Sit her down -- just YOU, Mom --- and let her know how you kept your room clean (it will be easier to keep clean if you put things up as you go rather than piling up stuff THEN trying to clean up a mob of stuff); how you took regular, daily baths (or showers if she prefers) -- does she have a lot of hair under the arms? Perhaps you can show her how to shave that excess hair. You know excess hair holds odor, so if she can clear that away, her deodorant will be more effective.

Someone was right when they said kids "won't mince words" when it comes to body odors---especially on females!
I've gone into school and smelled all kinds of odors from little kids! You have to tell kids at a young age about hygiene and body odor.

Just talk to her and show her what she needs to do (I really feel for you. You sound like you're at your wits-end with this!) I think she'll catch on to what you're saying to her.

I know you say you've tried everything, but how many times a week does she take a bath or shower? I ask because, as simple as it sounds, maybe you need to increase how often she bathes and MAKE her go into the bathroom...For my kids, it's usually a minimum of three times a week during in the winter, but from how things sound, maybe she needs more. Don't leave it up to her to decide. You don't want to baby her, but she's nine years old...Many older kids still need a parent to be on their behinds.

my niece is 12 now and has similar problems with cleanliness, and i mean in all the ways you say your daughter is. I live with her and she always confides in me and what she tells me is '' being afraid to grow up" shes afraid of leaving being a child.she knows her body is changing and it scares her. i feel bad for girls going through this. i have two boys and they are 12 and 4. my eldest hasnt really gone through it yet, the arm pit odor. it may just be she may need some one on one time with mom to explain how its ok and that shes not nasty just growing up, and its a good thing not a bad thing. She doesnt really probably understand just bad she does smell. believe me i know cause my niece smells too. and its hard to tell her that cause i know it hurts her. But its time now to be a tween, getting ready for those teenage years. my advice is to encourage her to bath more often, even if its just a sponge bath to wash her private parts, but to let her know shes safe with mom and dad. That this is puberty and every girl goes through it.