sexybabe

I was model-skinny all my life and was envied by all of my friends. I'm 28 years old, 5'7, and used to weigh around 125-130 lbs. I was ok with my weight until I started gaining when I hit 27. Since then, it's been uncontrollable. Last month, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror and didn't want to post any of my recent photos on facebook. I'm not a fat pig (currently weighing 145 lbs), but for someone who's been thin all her life, I just feel horrible seeing all the flabs here and there. Other than my weight issues, I am also going through a difficult phase with my relationship with my boyfriend who is struggling with genital herpes. I've been so depressed by it that I could barely eat, so I took advantage of my low appetite by not eating right, starving myself if I had to, and eating at all the wrong hours of the day (only when I couldn't stand the hunger anymore). I noticed that I did lose weight in just a week and I'm thrilled that people noticed! The problem I have now is that everytime I eat, I feel so sick. I can't finish my food and can't seem to enjoy eating anything. I would get really dizzy and my stomach would churn but I still don't like to eat but would force myself otherwise I might just pass out. Even when I'm really really starving I still can't bring myself to eat, and when I do, it feels like I want to throw up. What will I do? I'm happy that I'm thin again but I'm kinda tired of feeling hungry all day. This is the first time that I went on a crash diet but I really feel that it's gotten out of hand.

sourpuss

When you eat, what are you eating and how much?

Have you tried just snacking all day to try to get your body used to food again. Healthy, non-processed, fresh, non-packaged foods. Try to eat as clean as possible, your body is obviously weak right now.

Just eat a little bit at a time and then an hour later, eat a little bit more.

__________________
Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard.

Register! | Rules/FAQ | Contact Mod

stroutman81

If I'm being frank, I'd suggest talking with someone more qualified than "internet friends." The relationship you're establishing with food is extremely unhealthy on multiple levels.

That said, I'd like to see the answer to the above questions as well.

It's also important to note the metabolism is adaptive. So if you ease your way back into a normal/healthy way of eating, you'll get used to it once again.

Leslie1100

I just read your post and I am so sad! I have been where you are with the depression. After I got married I had a son who was born with a disability. It was all physical and he now gets around in a power wheel chair. For years I did the opposite of what you are doing. I was depressed so I would eat! I hated the way I looked because I was gaining weight fast and I was a skinny swimmer in college! I was too busy caring for the needs of my son to think of myself. It sounds like you love your boyfriend very much and are trying to help him out. I would love to see you take care of yourself first though! Not eating will lead to a serious eating disorder that may not be able to be stopped. You are valuable and I would hate to see you harm yourself. Im sure you have family and friends that love you! I started seeing results with my body when I started taking care of it. I started eating right and exercising. I was so depressed I thought of suicide often but instead turned to the gym! If you could channel your depression into positive things that you love, you will see yourself start to eat again and feel good about yourself. You need to be happy with yourself too but it is easy to become very obessive with weight. Most of the clients that I train get stuck with a number on the scale. I even did this morning! I am being very strict with my diet so I am able to make my weight class in powerlifting. However when I was at my lowest, I was 150 pounds and 38% body fat. Today I stepped on the scale weighed 150.3 and still had those thoughts of being fat. Only now Im 14% body fat and 6 sizes smaller. Please dont worry about the scale! It does not define who you are. If you need help with training or nutrition please ask for help! I feel for you because I have been there! Hang in and stay strong! It will all workout. Also stroutman was right if you start easing your way back into eating your body will thank you for it!

__________________

sexybabe

i usually just eat wheat bread for breakfast and some fruits. i also eat a lot of processed food because that's the easiest to prepare - i usually got no time to prepare a decent meal because i start work really early, sometimes i'd end up grabbing something to eat at mc donald's on my way to work. for lunch, i eat a small serving of vegetables which i could barely finish and a banana, or a sandwich. i skip dinner because im either too tired from work, or too depressed about my problems. i just crawl up in bed as soon as i get home and try to sleep as early as possible, not wanting to think about my problems anymore. i would wake up in the middle of the night and feel very weak, my body crying for food, but i would just sleep it off because i can't think of anything i would want to eat anyway. i am really depressed. i see my weight loss as a 'bonus' but i figured, the reason for my loss of appetite is this thing im going through with my boyfriend having herpes.

i think ill try snacking throughout the day. but is it true that you gain faster with frequent light meals? that's what i heard so i stayed away from all the snacks i used to eat when i was still 'happier'.

sexybabe

thank you, leslie! i started to have this delusion that i was fat when my boyfriend began dealing with his own issues about having genital herpes. he would have more breakouts than ever, almost every month, which made him very scared of passing on the virus to me. and he said that for the first time in his life, he felt scared of having a kid. it's been very difficult for him that he stopped having sex with me. i guess i took it personally and started blaming myself for his lack of desire to sleep with me. i felt that i was getting fat, that he was just making his condition as an excuse not to have sex with me. we love each other, he tells me that everyday... but his fears about what he has also seems to be getting out of hand. im afraid he might suddenly come to his senses one day and say that he doesnt want to have a family [with me] anymore. i am too worried about so many things and it's taking a toll on my health. right now, im still trying to ease my way back to eating right, but it's not easy. i still feel 'guilty' for eating sometimes, thinking that if i started gaining weight again he might never ever find me desirable again. i am trying my best to understand where his fears are coming from, but it's also difficult for me not to take it personally. i tell him over and over that i don't care about what he has and that i accept him with all my heart, we just have to be careful that i dont get infected also. yet, he continues to distance himself from me sexually. right now, im feeling woozy while writing this. i dont know what to do to start liking food again...

WildChild

This is concerning because you could be setting yourself up for a number of health problems including yo-yoing weight gain and loss.
You are aware that you have a problem, you are going to have to discipline yourself to solve it.
Set your self up a healthy diet, in writing and follow it. Several small meals rather than 3 large ones would probably be easier for you and is healthier. Including yogurt may help you feel less queasy. Work on eating regularly, well balanced healthy mini-meals. Make your bread whole grain, include fruits and veggies and make certain you are getting enough protein; beans, legumes, lean meats.
Set a schedule and resolve to stick to it

__________________
We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

Leslie1100

I can't imagine what you are going through. When I went through my divorce I felt the same way though. I used food to control my thoughts and emotions. I'm sure your boyfriend is having a hard time too. I bet if you talk to him he feels the same way. A lot of times girls will use food as control because it is the only thing they can control in their lives. I would hate to see this esclate into anorexia. You could get a high from being in control of you not eating and losing weight and then it will definately start to affect your health in very bad ways. If you ever just need someone to talk to please email me. I get my email through my phone too so I have with me all the time. I know I don't know you at all but I feel the stress you are going through! Email me anytime and keep smiling it will help you feel better!

__________________

ErwinD

Yeah, I agree with stroutman81. Its better to talk to someone qualified for this. A simple advice can turn dangerous if taken wrongly.