Unexpected Pregnancy...

**Dollface2008** · 10-21-2008 07:51 PM

I havent been on this site for quite sometime. Ive decided to return because I am now faced with a problem. Ive been fooling around with this guy for over 10 months now, and I have fallin for him. Probably because we've been friends for years, that turned intimate before we ever went on a date. Maybe its my fault for rebounding from a 2 year relationship with a friend. But anyway hes scared to death of commitment and when asked about our situation from his good friend he freaked out on me and was afraid to talk to me for weeks. Two weeks later I'm a week late, take a test, and pregnant. FULL BLOWN. Ive taken around 6 tests they all showed up positive. He won't respond to my calls or texts saying I need to talk. Was just wondering what everyones opinion is on me leaving him a message saying I'm pregnant. Do you think I should not tell him? I'm also 20 years old. So a child is not in my future right now. But do you think I should continue making the effort to tell him, when he wont talk to me? I just feel like he needs to know. Im lost please. ADVICE!?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-21-2008 10:52 PM

Oh dear... Well good to hear from you again and what a suprise for you.

I am so pleased that you are strong enough to face this in wanting to tell him...

I think a text message may not really be the answer, even though he is avoiding speaking with you, seems that he was fine with a casual relationship with you but as soon as emotions got into it, he has backed off big time.

However, the baby is both of yours and you both need to discuss it off course, and make decisions together, off course, ultimately, you are the one who will carry the child and look after the child for years to come and I guess, some people will say the end decision is yours.

But, he obviously thinks that you want to talk about "you both" not this situation.

It is hard for you, for sure.

Text him one more time and say, this is important, it is not about getting together with you, it is more in-depth than that and I think you better talk to me.

If he doesn't get the "message" as sugar that could mean? Then, perhaps approach his best friend and say, listen, there is a bit of a problem, "....." needs to call me urgently.

Leave it at that.

People can speculate but either way should get him to call you instead of being a selfish little..... and just ignoring you because he doesn't want commitment he should have been brave enough even there to say so instead of ignoring you.

Best of luck and please let us know..

CW

**Dollface2008** · 10-23-2008 02:12 PM

Thanks for welcoming me back. Definatly forgot how much I valued the advice I get on here...haha but anyway I tried calling him again yesturday and he didnt answer so I left him a voicemail saying its really important you need to call me back, its not about what you think. He didnt call me back all day so this morning I texted him saying I'm Late. And took 2 positive tests. I think he may think Im lieing or something to get him to talk to me, just because we happened to get in a fight 3 weeks ago. But I would never lie about something like that. Infact the whole reason why we got in a big fight is because I told his best friend that I was curious weither he had any feeling for me aside from sexual. Thats what triggered the whole inicial freak out. I have considered over and over telling his best friend, who is also a goodfriends boyfriend. I have told my good friend and she told her bf so now his best friend knows, but not because I told him...So hopefully that lights the fire under his.... ha but its a difficult situation because we were very close and intimate for 10 months then 2 months ago he moved up north about 2 hours and only comes back on occasion or I go up to where he lives on occasion because my sister lives their...we have only legitimatly had concieving quality sex about 3 times in the past 2 months....However I havent had sex with anyone else since ive been having sex with him, and am usually pretty good about birthcontrol, I just think it happened because I was on the patch and I now make the 4th person I know who has gotten pregnant on the patch. So I don't recomend the patch ladies! haha but we will see what happens. I know hes at school right now so Im not gonna bother him anymore but this whole thing is extreamly stressful, especially because I feel like I'm going through this by myself.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-23-2008 04:50 PM

He will get the message loud and clear... Don't you worry.

The next step is he will wait to see if it's true as your little tummy grows.

He is being dis-respectful though (but young ) I imagine and he may be shirt scared himself by now... It's not a little thing at the end of the day it's a big thing.

He may support you mentally after he realises and comes to realisation that he is going to be a Daddy.

The main thing is, is that you told him, if he choses to not talk about it, not much you can do, you have done the right thing and let him know, whether he listens or not.

So, why are you going it on your own?

Do your family know?

Will they give you the emotional support you need right now?

I am therefore also assuming that you are definately going to have this little baby and you do need people around you and lots and lots of love.

So, remember, we are here... You can write on this thread when ever you want with your thoughts and feelings and as you do, the thread will keep being bought up and support will flow.

Best of wishes.

CW

**Dollface2008** · 10-25-2008 11:05 PM

FINALLY weve made some break through. We are talking now. Things are a bit awkward though, but were talking because its a situation we both haveta deal with. Unfortunatly as bad as I feel about it...I dont think Im going to keep it. Im only 20 and I am moving away to school to continue college in January. And theres no way my parents would allow me to go if I have the baby. I havta resort to aborting...but not without alot of sadness and guilt about it. But its just not the right time right now. And we both aren't financially independent. hes in fact 19 im like a year and a few months older then him, because ill be 21 in may and he turns 20 in july. Aside from all our money issues, knowone except close friends knew we were fooling around so Im not quite sure how wed get through having all mutual friends find out were having a kid together. Any way as far as us talking went...he told me he didnt believe me so i sent him pictures proving the truth. and now were getting along....and hes helping me through this whole ordeal. I mean Im greatful i have him back in my life at the least, but this just wasnt the terms i wanted him coming back on....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-26-2008 03:29 AM

..

.he told me he didnt believe me so i sent him pictures proving the truth. and now were getting along....and hes helping me through this whole ordeal. I mean Im greatful i have him back in my life at the least, but this just wasnt the terms i wanted him coming back on

....

This man in my "opinion" would have made a lousy Father, sorry, you know how i speak....

He, in my "opinion" would never have ever, spoken to you unless there was proof, with proof, and your expressions of termination he is there.

Kind of, making sure? That you do exactly that?

I am naughty, I would almost want you to fib and say actually I have changed my mind and watch the fireworks, the nastiness just to prove to you that he is not there for you at all, don't know what I feel that way but I do..

I am into white witching, I mean white lies, just to catch a person's reaction, up to you, but it may give you closure over this guy. I appreciate 19/20 off course he is way not ready to be a daddy and so ... But, do you really want to know this guy if all he is doing is , sucking up until you have an abortion and then when you do and the feelings you will go through, walk again?

Give him a little test, I am just feeling that he will go no, no, no I thought you were going to ?

Please don't expect him therefore, to be there when that happens, make sure you are instead surrounded by friends and family and if you haven't told your family then friends at least ok.....

Don't also feel guilty about a decision that you feel is important to your future, we are allowed to make our own decisions and off course, people will say you are wicked and other's will say you are right...

In this instance, you must decide for yourself and know in your heart this is what you want, ...

CW

**marmar86** · 10-26-2008 03:09 PM

I agree with Chandler... I think you should test him a little bit too by an innocent white lie. I also think this guy is only supporting you right now because he wants to make sure you get it done. If the shoe was on the other foot, would he still want to stand by your side? As for your decision of abortion, I think only you know whats right for you. You seem to know where you want your life to go, and it seems to be a good choice for what fits in with you. But I definitely think this guy cannot be considered a man, and if you would test him, I think it would really help to get over him when you see his true colors.

**Dollface2008** · 10-28-2008 01:05 AM

let me save you guys the breath...I know him well. and I know that the only reason he is talking to me right now is because he wants me to get an abortion. And I have played devils advocate with him with this. In the beginning he was freaking out because i told him i needed to "think about things" and mind you we haveta have all our conversations over the phone and text because hes 2 hours away now and he got upset on the phone when i said that and was like "OK FINE THINK ABOUT IT AND CALL ME BACK" he was not satisfied...then he had his best friend call me and makesure i wasnt lieing about the whole thing... needless to say they both saw the pictures and took me seriously. I have been thinking alot and i feel as though it was a huge mistake even telling him. we actually got to talk in person last weekend when he was home i went over with him the whole procedure im getting done and he was happy as ever. But the strangest part was he was acting like we had never gotten a fight about anything, prior to the pregnancy and after I got pregnant. The most shocking of this day we met up was the fact that after we were done talking he still has the incredible ability to read me like knowone else can. And could tell ive been stressing about alot of things, not only the pregnancy but the fact that ive been having other issues with school and tickets. And he says this to me "I know this whole situation has been crazy and messed up, but i wanted to tell you im sorry for being such an insensitive through this whole thing, and you didnt deserve that, so I wanna help you, and know whats going on so keep me updated." my face was like

never in the whole entire history of "us" or whatever we are has he EVER apologized for being an to me. NEVER. that was huuuugggeee i still to this day replay those words in my head. regardless of this i still can see how it could just be another act to be on my good side so i abort...and Ive seen the true colors. I know how he is so i wouldnt put it past him. It just hurts not because we had sex for so long but because we were really good friends before and he has gone from highly valueing my opinion and friendship to completly disregarding me as a person. just because we had sex. lesson learned. never hook up with your friends ladies.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-28-2008 06:39 AM

Wow I am proud of you...

so I wanna help you, and know whats going on so keep me updated."

regardless of this i still can see how it could just be another act to be on my good side so i abort...and Ive seen the true colors

Yep just the last words hey... triggered it for you. SO KEEP ME UP-DATED..

That's like saying darling i love you, but I can't see you because my Grandma is sick, to darling so sorry your not going to believe this but my Mother, .... I will make it up to you....

If only they saw what they stated, the initial sounds good, then the ending shows the true colours.

Sorry, so sorry but again, proud of you for seeing what he really said to you........

That is fear though, youth, and it's still sad you have to go this on your own.

So play him back... Continue with the non-decisive until you are there, so he has to be with you all the way, until the end.

Ahhh, naughty of me I know

CW

**marmar86** · 10-28-2008 06:47 PM

Im sorry that you have to do this all alone, but I think its good you know what kind of person he really is. But I still agree with Chandler. Keep playing with him right up until your appt. Keep him sweating, and make him suffer that short time just to show him a glimpse of what you are going through

Evil I know, but it might be for the good in the end.

Thread: Unexpected Pregnancy...

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Unexpected Pregnancy...

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions