1st Miscarriage

**CaraQ** · 11-05-2008 08:22 PM

I think I would write about this here..... because at one point I was pregnant. I was due on May 22 of 09 I went for the routine first visit... I saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks. But at my 12 week check up there was no heartbeat. The doctor said that they had lost the heartbeat at 8 weeks. I just dont know and dont understand how and why my body was holding on for a month afterwards. It was like a cruel trick was played on me. I thought I was still going strong because I was so sick with morning sickness and no other signs of not doing good. I was by myself at this appointment. My husband was at work and in an important meeting at that.... I had to call crying to his co-workers and beg them to get him out of the meeting. I couldnt even verbalize what I was just told... I guess it was a little bit of denial? I was crying... I couldnt really say it... he knew when I couldnt say anything... he knew I was at the doctor .... he ran to his boss and said I have to go... now the entire department knows and I dont want any sympathy from anyone. Not even my friends.... I dont want the whole " Oh Im so sorry this happend..... " I had to go today to have a DNC at the hospital and the nursing staff was saying that to me and " Im sorry you have to be here today for this procedure" NO dont they get it that people that just found out that they no longer are having a baby dont want to always here the sympathy Especially from people they dont even know!!!
Is this normal that I feel this way? I dont want to cry... I did ... dont get me wrong but I really dont want to cry in front of people I dont even know!!!

Most importantly I want people that have had this happen to write back.... can you tell me if my reactions are right....??? Or if they are not healthy?
Thanks
CQ

**WildChild** · 11-06-2008 07:44 AM

Grieving is a complex experience. I haven't dealt with this personally but one of my sisters had it twice. You may not want it right now, but you do need comforting. As a society we treat this as a hands off topic and it shouldn't be. Everyone is different and you were obviously very emotionally connected to your pregnancy, can you create a ritual for yourselves to let this little spirit go lovingly? While it isn't widely talked about his is not uncommon, a lot of couples have dealt with it. My sister lost two and then had a wonderful, healthy baby a couple years later.

So long as you aren't suicidal or suffering some sort of breakdown, you are probably reacting quite normally to your loss. Can your Dr or hospital recommend a support group? You may find it helpful to meet with others who are dealing with this.

**marmar86** · 11-08-2008 12:48 PM

Hi CaraQ. I have had two miscarriages myself... Both were very hard to deal with. I also found that it was easier to cry/show emotion when at home with my family and close friends. When someone I barely knew would ask me about the pregnancy(because they had not known what happened) I would tense up and just want to run away. I found it easier for people to find out via others than through myself. I think everyone is different in the way they grieve, but like wildchild was saying, sometimes it helps to do something to help you let go. Even if its just lighting a candle in your window and you and your husband giving silence to it, or finding a special place which you can go to to think about your loss when youre sad. I am now 24 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby, and couldnt be happier. It might be a while before you are ready to try again, but I wish you the best.

**rdefined** · 11-18-2008 01:34 PM

A few years back I had my first miscarriage. I got to my 8 week appointment, no heart beat, dr. said it might be to early and scheduled an ultra sound. at 10 weeks I had that ultrasound and the baby was only the size of 6 weeks and had no heart beat. They had to do a D&C. I felt the same way, I was so upset that I had "held on" and initially cancelled my first D&C because I didn't believe them.

Had another miscarriage about a year later, I was 6 weeks and it was natural. So I've seen both sides. It's very difficult! However, if you were planning this pregnancy, I'd say TRY AGAIN! From what I understand, it's much easier to get pregnant right after a miscarriage! Ask your DR.

Best of luck!

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