In Desperate Need of Help

**marymagdelene12** · 12-02-2008 04:23 PM

I've used this site a lot, reading what you ladies have written, and it's helped me a lot. I'm hoping you can help me again.

Yesterday, I found out I was pregnant. While I'm happy because I'm with a great guy that I'm engaged to, I'm also terrified. I'm only 18, I've just started college with so much going for me, and my family is hard-core Christian. I just broke it to my mom yesterday that my fiance and I have had sex, and she ranted for a while about how stupid it would be for me to get pregnant and that I would be screwing up my life... I know that this isn't the best thing that could happen to me, but I'm keeping this baby. Is there anyone out there who has had a similar experience or can give me some advice? Thank you so much.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-02-2008 04:47 PM

All Parent's fear for their children, it's natural.

Your Mum's comments were based on her fears, wanting you to have a great start in life, that's all... And, her little way of warning, making you think..

It's good that at least you have taken the first step, telling her that you have had sex, means you can share conversations with her, or else you wouldn't have been able to do so.

You are an adult, and your decision and congratulations...

Maybe give her a week and sit her down and tell her firstly that you love the way she and you can be open in conversations and that you are grateful for that.

Well, I agreed with your comment to last week Mum in retrospect but I have just found out that I am pregnant, you are going to be a Grandma and I know, the best.....

Sometimes, adding in words such as "Grandma" softens it a bit. As well as letting her know you hope she will be there in understanding.

Remember though, she had you, and at some point you were always going to grow up and be your own self, and you are. Thank her for that and tell her you would love her support and guidence as she has with you, for her grandchild.

Sure, you will be fine.

CW

**marymagdelene12** · 12-02-2008 05:15 PM

thanks so much. I just hope that she takes it that well...we really don't talk that much. I just figured that I'd need to get her used to the idea that I might be, and I really am trying to get this to work. She can't get mad at me for not trying to fix it as much as I can. After all, I'll be a junior with one year under my belt. :P Can't be too upset at that.

But seriously, thank you. Im worried a lot about the "spiritual" consequences. Not so much for me, but for my parents. Like I said, they are hard-core, and they'll take this out a lot on me for being corrupt. My mom cried when she found out we had sex because I didn't feel guilty. I can't imagine what she'll think when she finds this out. And my dad...oh dear.

The good thing is that my fiance's sister just had a baby, with pretty much the same circumstances...I'm hoping his family will be a little easier to count on.

**TWills32** · 12-02-2008 05:15 PM

I come from a similar situation as you it seems. I grew up in a Catholic family and sex before marriage was greatly frowned upon. When my mom found out I was spending the night with my boyfriend (now husband), she said I needed to talk to a Priest about it :P

CW pretty much touched on everything I was going to say. Just talk to her in an adult way when you are ready and when you feel she is ready to hear it. Also, don't let having a baby stop you from living your life. While you will need to focus time on your child obviously, with the right support system you can still make it through college and have a career. I don't have any children yet, but I have a lot of friends with kids who were able to get bachelors degrees. It might take time, but it can happen if you want it to.

Thank God you are with a great man! I hope things continue to go well for you. Congrats on your baby, and good luck!

**marymagdelene12** · 12-02-2008 05:20 PM

thanks so much. I hope it works out that way...I'm not looking forward to the conversation, and for his safety I'm not letting him come with me to tell them. No dead daddies for me. lol. Thank you for the advice, and I'm glad to know that someone else understands a little bit of where I'm coming from.

Can I ask a quick question? What was it like for you? I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna go about telling people...I figure I'll have to do it before they start noticing, but I've always been pretty active in my church up to this past summer...any advice?

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