Unplanned pregnancy

**jaycee** · 12-22-2008 10:14 AM

Hi I am new here, my name is Jaycee. I hope I am putting this in the right thread. I desperately need some advice.

I had been seeing a man for the past 4 mths, it was rocky from day dot. Each time I would get close to him he would back away, spend lots of time having space and if I seemed clingy he would say he just wanted to be friends, even though I would comfort him when he cried during our break up.

We broke up a week ago, and what he didn't know while this was happening, is that I knew I was pregnant, had just found out.

So out of an outburst of emotion the next day, I texted him a few times, avoiding that, and he didnt' understand why I was texting as I said I needed space to get used to the idea of being just friends. Well he told me to calm down, and i blurted by text that I was pregnant, his response was...Are you absolutely 100% no doubt sure? Then said he was freaked out and that its really bad timing, then said Don't worry I wont' disappear. I need time to think about this though.

I gave him a couple of days, but I started bleeding, so I texted him again just filling him in on what was happening. Although I had not lost it it wasn't enough bleeding. He texted back saying he was worried about me and just wanted to let me know that he was thinking about me.

Another day or so, still not talking about what is happening, am really anxious at this point, so I thought I would let him know that I do care how this is affecting him. He responded yet again by text...Thanks honey, I know. I had a feeling it wasn't safe when I came around at a certain time So its his fault too... although I know the time he is talking about is not the time i would have got pregnant.

Yesterday, I texted him saying I know neither of us really want to be talking about this, but I think we need to arrange a time to talk, I suggested after Xmas, this was around lunch time, and he didn't reply at all, I knew he was working that night, so thought he would at least find time to text during the day, well by the time Iknew he had finished work, I was a hormonal and angry witch, so texted him saying, well i guess I will be doing this alone. Its obvious you don't want to talk about it. He did respond then saying .. I've been busy hun, still at the boat now tryign to help a friend that is giving him a lift home, then says talk to you soon.

It has been a week, I know that doesnt seem long, but I have already been a single mum, and I am really scared. he has two kids from a previous relationship as I do, but not sure whether he will be willing to consider being with me again if he wants to just be friends, and I am not sure I can do it alone again. I did believe that if I came on too strong that was when he would say he wanted to be friends, but am not sure. There were times he would seem to me that he was definately in love with me the way he looked at me, but then he would back away again. He has said before he doesn't want to lose me, he likes me but will never be head over heels in love. That is three things in one sentence, its so confusing.

I have no idea what to think do or feel with this, any help advice anything would be wonderful, thank you.

**Red129** · 12-22-2008 11:00 AM

Ok, honey this doesn't sound good. You can not even speak with him you are communicated threw TEXTING.
Sorry to be so brunt.
There are a lot of things you have to think about, and I am not going to put everything that is on my mind right now, it might upset some people.
But you already have 2 child and a single mom. ( are they from the same dad or 2 different dad's. )
Also if you are having a rocky relationship with someone you should know bring in a child will not make it better. ( A Little Late Now , But if you are going to have sex; use birth control. - Especially if it's someone that there might be a future with.)
Best of Luck

**Tuesday** · 12-22-2008 11:28 AM

I would recommend that you stop communicating with him by text. Let him arrange a time and a day to talk face to face. Don't fire off angry texts. If it helps, delete his number (he'll still have yours) so you won't do that. If he wants to talk to you, he knows where you are but don't chase him....if you do he'll back off all the more. You'll look desperate and needy, which you might well be, but you don't need to let him know that!

**jaycee** · 12-22-2008 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by Red129

Ok, honey this doesn't sound good. You can not even speak with him you are communicated threw TEXTING.
Sorry to be so brunt.
There are a lot of things you have to think about, and I am not going to put everything that is on my mind right now, it might upset some people.
But you already have 2 child and a single mom. ( are they from the same dad or 2 different dad's. )
Also if you are having a rocky relationship with someone you should know bring in a child will not make it better. ( A Little Late Now , But if you are going to have sex; use birth control. - Especially if it's someone that there might be a future with.)
Best of Luck

Hun, I see where this is leading, you are under the impression I just go out and get pregnant, my two other children are 18 and 15 years old, The communicating by text is only because he won't answer his phone and I don't know when he is working or not, I am trying to arrange a time to talk to him. I am very aware of birth control I have used it, I had also not been in a relationship for 5 years since my last one of 13 years. I am not some hoe. I unfortunately have a problem with taking the pill with hormones and an anxiety disorder, I was actually in the process of getting a marina inserted. As for him and condoms, not that I really need to share all this as its not why I am writing in here, but he couldn't wear them at all as they strangled him literally. Even the largest size.

I really just needed some advice on how to deal with setting up a time to talk to him. I do have anxiety and yes it is rocky, but am scared. Of course I don't want to be a single mum again. Who would?

**jaycee** · 12-22-2008 06:28 PM

Originally Posted by Tuesday

I would recommend that you stop communicating with him by text. Let him arrange a time and a day to talk face to face. Don't fire off angry texts. If it helps, delete his number (he'll still have yours) so you won't do that. If he wants to talk to you, he knows where you are but don't chase him....if you do he'll back off all the more. You'll look desperate and needy, which you might well be, but you don't need to let him know that!

Thanks hun, I am trying really hard to not text him. I do hope he makes a time to contact me, I am actually considering an abortion, and I really don't want to leave the discussion too long. That is a good idea deleting his number, might just do that. I don't want to look desperate or needy, I never planned to look this way, but unfortunately it has come off looking like it.

**Tuesday** · 12-22-2008 06:52 PM

Jaycee....I've deleted a number or two in my time, because I've had good reason to be really fed up, and there's been occasion where I've had a few drinks too many or I'm really annoyed and unfortunately its too easy to fire off an angry text.....

I hope you get a resolution now. If you are no longer pregnant at some point you still have this on off relationship to contend with. Deal with one thing at a time, but I think, right now, your priority is YOU!

**jaycee** · 12-22-2008 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by Tuesday

Jaycee....I've deleted a number or two in my time, because I've had good reason to be really fed up, and there's been occasion where I've had a few drinks too many or I'm really annoyed and unfortunately its too easy to fire off an angry text.....

I hope you get a resolution now. If you are no longer pregnant at some point you still have this on off relationship to contend with. Deal with one thing at a time, but I think, right now, your priority is YOU!

Thank you, yes I know... I just want to discuss things with him, but ahhh this time to think stuff, I know I should be happy he is thinking at least, but I am just anxious, the rest I will deal with later... thank you.

**Red129** · 12-23-2008 03:20 AM

Well I guess there is even more to think about, since I am going out on a limb and guessing now age is a factor as well. I am sorry you took it as you thought of you as some ho, since you already have 2 children. I was just stating there is a lot to factor in, and think about...
Unfortunately your anxiety is going to be high as well since your pregnant.
Just remember to breathe.
Also if you do get an abortion, I would at least tell him so either he can assist in this with you. So you don't have to go threw this alone.
Best of Luck

**jaycee** · 12-23-2008 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by Red129

Well I guess there is even more to think about, since I am going out on a limb and guessing now age is a factor as well. I am sorry you took it as you thought of you as some ho, since you already have 2 children. I was just stating there is a lot to factor in, and think about...
Unfortunately your anxiety is going to be high as well since your pregnant.
Just remember to breathe.
Also if you do get an abortion, I would at least tell him so either he can assist in this with you. So you don't have to go threw this alone.
Best of Luck

Thanks, sorry I jumped at you with that, am a little all over the place at the moment. Yeah age is a factor, it could be my last chance but I am also a student with one and a half years to go. I am in love with this man even though it is early days, and its just really hard to not know where you stand especially considering we broke up and he wanted to be friends. I know he is busy, I just so want to be rid of all this anxiety and at least have the chance to communicate. I have not texted him in two days now, but gee its hard when we are a week past him knowing, but I guess thinking is a good thing. Am trying to remember to breathe too.

**Red129** · 12-23-2008 08:34 AM

Hey not a problem and remember your pregnant you are going to have anxiety too.
Boy you have more and more on your plate, since you are in school as well.
I also noticed something else, you have been mentioning a lot he is busy. (seems to me like you are making excuses for him, that he is busy.) And believe me I understand being busy and life, etc. But you also know as well,people make time for people.
Keep a Chin Up.

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