Confused.

**jaycee** · 12-27-2008 03:52 AM

I am six weeks pregnant, and I have another post on here called unplanned pregnancy and how the guy I am pregnant to needed time to think things through, well now I am completely confused....

After waiting over 10 days, he finally sent a text saying he didn't feel like talking because he was still upset with me, I had no idea he was actually upset with me, so I asked what I did, and then he started to get nasty saying he thought it was more moral to have an abortion than to have an unwanted child and well we sent texts back and forth, then he started saying that he isn't attracted to me anymore and we are never going to be together and that I am trying to pin him down with this and use it against him. Which is so untrue, then said that i was devious in telling him when i could have told him teh day we broke up, I only found out that day, and he broke up with me, what am I supposed to do, say don't break up with me I am pregnant? So I texted more because I was confused and kept saying to him, we need to sit down and talk about this, and by text is not the way to do it, he kept saying, there is nothing to talk about, I am set in my ways and won't do what he wants and never wants to see me again. He was extremely nasty and went on to say I was crazy and psycho... because I texted heaps, but what am I supposed to do? I did say I was coming over, and he could decide to deal with this calmly or make it worse. He said he doesn't want to see me. This has gone on for two days, I honestly thought he was a nice guy... I can't believe how harsh he has been and how he won't take time to talk to me, I tried reasoning with him to get him to see that he is being irrational and nasty and that we could have dealt with this so differently, but he just keeps shutting me down and saying he doesn't want to see me.

Why would a guy I thought was a nice guy turn into a monster over night, I showed him concern on how it would affect him by sending a text here and there before this happened saying i hope you are ok, adn that I am thinking of him and how this is affecting him.. and he was kind at that point.. I don't understand. I did not get pregnant on my own, and now he is being sooo soo nasty.

What should I do? he is a 38 year old man, I am 35, this is not normal.

Oh he is angry because I changed my mind about an abortion too.

**hello_pitty** · 12-27-2008 08:07 AM

Well hun. IF you think you can do this on your own, then forget him. You never know who you might meet later on who would be willing to help you take care of you and your baby (but dont rely on it). What does your family think of it? Can you handle caring for this baby on your own? Why do you need him? You CAN get child support payments from him in the future anyways. Keep in mind that expecting a child is not always on a guys mind (although it should be since he had sex with you) Not all guys can handle this type of news right away. I would say just don't try talk to him. STOP talking to him altogether. Let him think this out! He needs time and space to think about this...remember, some men are immature to the end, just let it set in on him and eventually he WILL come around. For now, and I stress this, LEAVE HIM ALONE! You're not making the situation better by nagging at him. If he doesn't ever come around to his senses, then it is not meant to be. You can't force him to love you or this child, but you can move on or have an abortion.

Does he have any other kids? was he ever married?

**jaycee** · 12-27-2008 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by hello_pitty

Well hun. IF you think you can do this on your own, then forget him. You never know who you might meet later on who would be willing to help you take care of you and your baby (but dont rely on it). What does your family think of it? Can you handle caring for this baby on your own? Why do you need him? You CAN get child support payments from him in the future anyways. Keep in mind that expecting a child is not always on a guys mind (although it should be since he had sex with you) Not all guys can handle this type of news right away. I would say just don't try talk to him. STOP talking to him altogether. Let him think this out! He needs time and space to think about this...remember, some men are immature to the end, just let it set in on him and eventually he WILL come around. For now, and I stress this, LEAVE HIM ALONE! You're not making the situation better by nagging at him. If he doesn't ever come around to his senses, then it is not meant to be. You can't force him to love you or this child, but you can move on or have an abortion.

Does he have any other kids? was he ever married?

Thanks hun, I have two other children, so I know I can do this alone, but have been shocked by this behaviour, I have never ever encountered this before, not with my other children anyway. I was a lot younger when I had them. I know I can do it alone, and will do so unfortunately, I just didn't want to have to do it alone again. I have stopped all contact with him, and will not be contacting him again. He wouldn't talk about what we needed to, so I left an email of what I wanted to talk about to show him I was not trying to pin him down, and have left it at that. I think he has a picture in his head of what he thinks I am doing maybe based on his past experiences with women, I am not sure, but yes he was extremely nasty.

I do know this, if he does try and contact me at this stage, I think the way I am feeling at the moment, I am unlikely to talk to him again at all. He does have 2 other children, and the woman left him for another woman, and told him he was nothing but a sperm donor, am now wondering if there was a reason behind that that I don't know about, she didnt' tell him she was pregnant until she was 5 mths with both.

I am very hurt, and as far as I am concerned, I will do this totally alone, the things he said to me were unforgivable. Thanks hun.

**WildChild** · 01-11-2009 09:58 AM

He is probably deeply angry with you and feeling very manipulated and betrayed. Life is about learning and if we don't learn, we keep getting the lesson until we do. Here are some hard truths.

Looked back over your posts, you separated your info and started what, 3 threads in two different catagories? Lets get this pulled together; you are 35, he is 38 (you aren't kids) he has two kids from a previous relationship, you have a 18 yr old and a 15 yr old? So you had a child at 17 and another at 20. The two of you were together for 4 months and it wasn't ever smooth sailing, even the largest size condom was uncomfortable. So you had unprotected sex? Did he think you were using some other BC? He broke it off and then you told him you were pregnant.

I'm sorry you had to go through a miscarriage, but the mom in me is kicking in.

What were you thinking? You said you didn't want to be a single mom again. And that you know BC. Then why did you get pregnant? Did you think he would marry you? Stick around and raise the child with you? If you don't want to be a single mom the solution is simple - don't get pregnant unless you are married.

You have to own your actions and take responsibility. You were the major creator of this situation. He was certainly a party to it but you knew the risks and let it happen. Get some counseling to help you cope with the miscarriage and to work on your self esteem. This isn't the way to bring a man into your life and it certainly isn't a good way to bring a child into the world.

**jaycee** · 01-11-2009 03:29 PM

Believe me when I say to you, its not as black and white as you have made it out to be.. I already own my responsibility in this, and have owned it to him, he already knew I had no intention of trying to hold onto him.

Yes when we fall in love we do stupid things sometimes, I admit that, I also cannot take the pill unfortunately, and just before this happened I was looking into the marina, had appointments booked etc.

My self esteem has been low, and I am working on it, I lost my mother a year ago, and along with that my friends, they couldn't handle the situation, so I was left alone completely, so yes, I fell into a not so good relationship and wanted to be loved. Believe me I am not stupid, and know that things look as if I was being that way, but we were trying to take precautions to the best of our ability in the situation we were in.

I am sadly glad to have had a miscarriage, I don't want to be with this man again, although its sad that the friendship we developed may be gone.

There is no 'major' creator in this, it takes two to have sex, and two to have a baby. So I do not accept any major responsibility, I accept my part in this situation as he needs to, which he has not. I at least tried to listen to him, but he chose not to talk about it.

**WildChild** · 01-11-2009 09:19 PM

You've been through a tough time. Please get some counseling. If you don't have insurance your county services or some of the larger local churches should offer grief counseling to help you cope with the loss of your mother and the miscarriage. And follow through with the IUD. If the hormone laced one doesn't work out, try a regular one. Even if you don't think you may be sexually active for a while, the regualr IUD can stay in for 10 years. At some point you will need it!

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