I had an abortion
Last week I had an abortion. Im 22 years old and already have a daughter. Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant my husband and i decided to separate. So it was a bit of a shock when that test turned up positive. I told him right away and we sat down to talk about what we wanted to do. Both of us decided that while we didn't want to be apart anymore, we didn't want to try working things out because of this baby. Our daughter is 4 years old and I have been a stay at home mom since she was born. I got pregnant with my daughter when i was 17. Not that I don't love her with all my heart but I gave up my life so early to be a mom. I never went to college or have even had a long term job since then. She is about to start pre school after the summer and I have kinda been looking at that as my chance to start my life back up. I didn't want to start over again. We both agreed that this is what we wanted to do. In my state they make you wait two weeks for the appointment. The whole time I kept thinking that I would change my mind, but i never did. Things have been working out with my husband and i but i still knew that this is what was best. I never pictured myself doing this. I have always been pro-choice but I have never had to deal with this situation personally. I expected to be so guilty afterward. Its been 5 days now and I honestly feel more relieved than anything. I feel guilty for not being guilty. I feel like it was a bad situation, I never want to go through this again. By the way, I wasn't on bc because for a while my husband and I were trying to have another baby last year. I had an ectopic pregnancy that turned out pretty bad. I didn't think that i could have anymore kids. After that we realized that we were trying to have another baby because we thought that if we did it would help our relationship. And we decided that having a baby is no way to fix a relationship. Anyway, it definatley wasn't a good expeirence. Im on bc now and I definatly dont plan on getting off of it any time soon. I want to have more kids someday. But right now I need to focus on what I want for my life. I don't know for sure whats going to happen with my husband and i. I love him and he is my best friend. We have been together since I was 16. But things between us haven't been going good for a while. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you want things to work, they just don't. And you can't live unhappy. I've got to be figureing out how to make my life work with or without him and make things good for me and my daughter. I don't need to be a single mom to two kids right now. I know that a lot of people don't agree with my choice. I'm writing here because I want to hear from people who know what this feels like. To be okay with it. To know that the reasons behind your decision make sense. Im not ashamed.
No reason to be ashamed, you did what was right for you, at this time, in your situation. Every child deserves to be wanted, loved and planned. However much we children in general , they can add a huge level of stress, especially if you are already highly stressed. You did what was right for you and the child you have to ensure the best life for both of you.
For the future I encourage you to use a reliable form of BC. Conception control is much easier on your body.
reading your post, i see your reasons. they were not self or immature. you dont need to be guilty or ashamed. stay strong, take care of yourself and your daughter. i hope things work out well for you.
I agree with the other two post, your an adult who can make her own decisions. I hope you get to go back to school and do what it is you want to do with your life. It may be hard but you can do anything you put your mind to. Everything will work itself out, it always does.
If you know the decision out are making is right for you, there is no reason to feel ashamed or to feel guilty. I think we are bombarded by the idea that abortion is wrong and that it is a terrible and traumatizing thing when in fact it is not. It is a personal decision and a decision that we have every right to make with confidence. Women have been having abortions since even prior to the 1800’s and during that time it was actually not even stigmatized the way it is today.
My experience was not a negative one at all, I know exactly when you mean when you say you felt relieved. Up until the moment it was over I was plagued by feelings of helplessness the sense that I had lost control over my own mind and body, but once the procedure was done I remember is opening my eyes and breathing out my first deep and peaceful sigh in weeks. I did not regret it for a second, nor did I ever question that the decision was the right one for me. Sometimes I get so upset when I see images that portray abortion as a terrible, violent and traumatizing experience. I think such portrayals are dishonest and I do not think fear is an effective way to curb unwanted pregnancies. For me the experience was not a negative one at all, but rather one that I was able to draw strength from and one that reaffirmed a deeper sense of self.
I as well have had an abortion........... TWO at that.........
The First time, was the first time I was pregnant... when i found out i cried. i cried so much that i couldnt breathe.... i felt like my world was crumbling in front of my own eyes.......it was just such a shock.
the end result of that one is that I felt i was no where near ready to be a mom. I was broke, so why should i bring another life into this world and have it suffer or be on wel-fare? just not my type of party..... So in sept. of 2oo7 I had my first........
my husband at that time wanted to keep it..... and felt very strong about it...... but i didnt know it cause he was supporting me.
Then i got pregnant AGAIN, in april of 2oo8, which wouldnt of been possible if i would of kept the other baby.
need-less to say.... shocked again. but this time the roles were switched.......He didnt want it and acted accordingly. I was alone with this one, so I followed order instead of following my heart......I sat at the table alone in that room. crying. holding my stomache asking him/her to forgive me. This time was much more hurtful. and I as of today have vowed if i do get pregnant again, I'll keep it. BEing a woman and going through an abortion is never easy.
and i completely understand why you did what you did. I did the same. So dont feel bad for not feeling bad. each woman reacts differently. and its all ok.
as you can see with my story..... i experienced both emotions......... the relief and happyness of having freedom back the first time........... and pain and sorry and sadness the second. so each situation varies......
but you made the right choice for YOU and thats what matters.
~*Michele*~
Its been a few weeks now and it seems like everything in my life is falling apart. Not because of the abortion. But it all started at that point. Im glad that im not dealing with all this at the same time being pregnant. But my husband and i have split. Like I didn't see that coming! But I have lost everything. I am living with my mother. I have no job or car. I am so stressed all the time that i am not good to be around my daughter. She doesn't understand why i am so sad all the time. I don't understand what is bringing on this depression. I loved my husband, but I don't think that I was in love with him the way it should be. I am okay with the abortion. It would have definatley been another thing on my plate. I just feel sad all the time and most days I don't want to get out of bed. I start crying for no reason all the time. And she doesn't understand. All she says is mommy why are you so grumpy? I am not the best person for her to be around right now. This was going on before we split up. It was the reason why. He came home from work and I told him that I was not feeling good emotionally. He was so insensitive. I said Im not ok. He said go take some pills! I just can't be with someone who does not care about how I feel at all. I don't know if he regrets the abortion. He doesnt say that he does. He is so unemotional I cannot tell how he feels. But I can't worry about how he feels right now. I have to worry about how i feel. I have been depressed before and I have turned to drugs in the past to stop feeling. Not just alcohol or pot but bad drugs. Like meth, x, coke. Anything that makes the pain go away. I don't want to do that. I have been clean for so long now. I don't have insurance or the money to go see a doctor. I need to find a way to smile again. I just can't.
You have had a lot transpire over the last couple of years, ups and downs with your husband's family and with your family and you personally.
It's wrong for him to say "take a pill", knowing the hardships you have been through and drugs.
You can love someone, 16 years to now is along time, and naturally, it's hard because that's all you have known apart from the time you separated. Think back to that time, although it was short lived, you were happy. You will be again.
Look at this as a stepping stone to the beginning of your new life, the one you deserve and want.
I know that living with your Mum is not the ideal situation for you, and if she is still depressed, then your living around "depression" it's natural you are going to feel worse than you should as you don't have that shoulder you need right now.
Are there other relatives that you can consider being with?
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Ive tried staying with my sister. She lives with her boyfriend of the moment and I feel so uncomfortable there. Like they are going to split up and I will be put out with her. My ex brother in law (her ex husband who is like a brother to me. He has been around since I was 8) has moved up to the area and I was planning on staying with him. He is going through the same situation. His girlfriend of the past 8 years just left him for another woman. But since we are both depressed we are just feeding into each other. He just wants to party. I have been going out to bars with him a lot. I know that it is so easy to fall into that, and how caught up you get into it. The other night while we were out he invited some girl neither of us knew to come move in. Its a pretty big house so there is extra room. But I know that it will not be the right kind of enviornment for my 4 year old. I told him that I was coming to spend the weekend with my mom. I don't know if he is expecting me to come back or not. My dad remarried some lady that has 3 kids and they all live in the house I grew up in. His new wife hates me and my dad has pretty much forgotten that he had a life and a family before her. Either way, we don't talk anymore. THe only other option I have is to go to ohio and live with my brother. I think it would be a great place for me to be. But I can't take my daughter away from her father like that. I hate him for a lot of reasons but its not that he is a bad father. She is his whole life. It would kill him to lose her and I don't want to do that to him. So my mom is my only choice. She is doing better. There were times when I was younger that she was really depressed. A lot of it has to do with my dad. They were married for almost 30 years and in the end my dad was cheating a lot. And not caring to try and hide it. She finally left him and within a year he was remarried. I watched my mom take every kind of prescription drug. From anti-depressants to narcotics. Oxy contins, vicodin, ambien. I hate prescription drugs. In a way I feel they are the same as getting meth from a dealer on the street. I watched my mom almost die from all of them and I cannot take them. I also took anti depressants when I was 15 for a little while. I had over dosed on cold medicine. I trying to get high. I took a whole box and when I woke up in the hospital the next day they thought i was trying to kill myself. So they put me on them. It was like i walked around with this fake happiness. Kinda in a fog. I still knew that i was hurt but it just didn't really matter anymore. I didn't like it. But my mom is off all pills now. She holds a job and is trying to do what she can to help me. But nowhere feels right. It doesn't matter where i am i just don't feel comfortable.
It seems like you already understand that going out and drinking is not the solution for you. Drinking and painkillers and drugs really only dig you deeper into the hole of depression. I always thought alcohol was fairly harmless, but I noticed that every time I came home from my nights of partying and “release” I was so much more unhappy than I had been before- I blame it on the depressant effect that alcohol has and also on the way it reduces your inhibitions, leading you act in a way you feel sad about later.
The best way to get things together is to remove yourself from negative influences in life, whether that be people or substances. For me, realizing that things are not easy and are perhaps going to be difficult for awhile is the key to continually moving forward- as long as you persevere and keep moving in a forward direction the minor setbacks won’t be enough to completely destroy your confidence and optimism.
Take some time to yourself and I know this sounds like a simplistic and patronizing solution, but find something you love in life that gives you a natural high- for me it was running and hot yoga- no matter what goes on in life they help bring me back to my core and balance and restore my mental and physical heath. When I talked to my doctor about being depressed years ago and she told me to try running and drinking adequate amounts of water I was so angry with her for suggesting something so silly- but honestly once I actually gave it a chance it made all the difference in the world.
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