Not so supportive hubby
Hi all! I am 27 almost 28 and my husband is 42. We have been together 9 years and married 4 years. I recently found out I was pregnant (8 9 days ago). We have always talked about having kids, but it was never the right time. For him, everything has to be planned and Im more of a "lets just do it" person. So needless to say when I found out, I was very shocked. I have never been on bc, we had always used the pullout method. I didn't know whether to cry or be happy. When I finally had the courage to tell him, he said very little except "We can't have a kid". It seemed clear to me that he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. So, we sort of left it up in the air like that for about a week. I went over it in my head, did my research and tried to call inquiring about abortions, but i couldn't go through with it. It was such a tough decision to make, but I realized that i really wanted to have this baby(we are not getting any younger!) So I sat him down yesterday and explained myself and my decision and he basically told me that he doesn't repect my decision and if I decided to go ahead and have the baby he didn't want any part of it, I would be responsible. He was so cold to me and insensitive. I understand that the timing is not perfect( he just recently got laid off and is working on trying to start his own business and I am an unemployed teacher working as nanny right now) financially it would be a burden on us. But I tried to explain that we could make it work and many people in worse situations make it happen. But he didn't want to hear it. He told me that I would need to move out and he would do whatever the courts ask him to do, but other than that nothing else.
I've been crying nonstop about it because i feel like the person who has always supported and cared for me has just betrayed me in the worst possible way. I've tried to imagine doing all this on my own and cannot fathom the idea of raising a child as a single mom. I don't think I am strong enough emotionally. I talked to his mother about it and she was just as shocked as I am. This is not his personality, he is so caring and compassionate and affectionate with me....it's like hes morphed into someone completely different. Im so stressed and cannot imagine a life without him. This should be a happy time for us and it's not. My question is what should I do? Im scared that if do have an abortion, I will resent him for it and will probably never be able to get over it. Do you think he will get over it when reality sets in?
My friends and his mom tell me I cannot let someone else dictate my life, but at the same time I don't wanna lose him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...sorry for the long post!
This is painful and difficult but it is very obvious that however much you don't want to lose him, he is perfectly willing to lose you and your child. Why are you so devoted to this man? You were so young when you ended up with him that you have no real knowledge of what other men are like. It sounds like you had best do what is best for you because he doesn't care.
I don't have any kids but ya know what I have watched many of my friends raise their children on their own. There were days they didn't know how things were going to work out for them. The sacrafices they have made for their kids have all been worth it. They are very strong women that I admire.
If you can not live with the choice of abortion then don't do it just to keep your husband of 4 years and you've been together for 9. ?? If you conflict yourself you will always resent your husband for forcing you to chose and will always wonder what life you gave up by becoming a mom.
Why do you have to leave if you keep the baby? why wouldn't he or is the house a possession thing and he is all about the possessions you guys own?
either way i would go with the abortion (not because im against them or anything) because from the people i know that have had them they still have issues, physically and emotionally. and second this is 50% his fault, thats the risk you take when you do the pull-out method. it doesnt work. thats the same thing as using a broken condumn when you know its broke. so he cant blame this on you. but it sounds like even if he left you would have alot of support from friends and his mom, also another thing you could always look in to and i know first hand this is hard but adoption. theres so many people who would love to have kids but cant, i did it and i have friends that have done it and its hard but also enlightening. there a re so many choices out there dont just jump the gun on something youll regret think about things hard first, and try to explain things to him as many times as you can
I am going to need you to take a picture of your rear end put it on the fridge and underneath on a piece of paper write "kiss my a**"
(Screams at the top of her lungs) WOMMMMMEEEEENNNNNN hear me when I speak...you are NOT weak...you are NOT to be dictated to...he is NOT GOD!!!! Lets check the facts..you are married..you are on birth control..you both made vows to each other and guess who is breaking said vows! Girl he is so lucky you are not me because the moment the words "WE can't have a kid" came out of his mouth a swift kick in his behind surely would have followed! The only reason I would have called his mother was to tell her where I left him tied to a tree and she might want to get him because he is naked and near the freeway! Woman..you have been given a blessing and at this moment you are the only thing protecting that life growing inside of you. I am a single mother of two! TWO! I support them by myself and yes its hard but guess what I do it and I love it. I love it because I love them. There is nothing like being a mother. NOTHING...I can say sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision but then I look at them I listen to them I feel them and they are MY children, MY gift from God..who makes NO mistakes! I understand that some times abortions are the only option for instance when a woman is raped or her life is in danger if she has the child, or the child has a rare disease where every day would be horrible dilbiliating pain etc. But to give up a life just because you basically fear that you aren't strong enough and are afraid of loosing a man...what kind of man is he? WHat kind of man/husband asks you to go through a procedure where a life is literally killed within your body of which he helped create...his own life that he helped create! You didn't step out on him and end up pregnant..its his daughter or his son. So are you saying you love this man more than yourself?
I have had an abortion and can tell you first hand that I never forgot waking up and feeling empty and responsible for taking a life that was not mine to take but to protect. I felt like I failed and promised myself..never again.
Sweety you can do it...you can do it...just keep saying it to yourself. Especially since you can tell that you WANT to. Do I think he will change his mind....who knows but he needs to know that he can not control you. He needs to understand that you will be ok regardless of him and that he does not dictate who lives or who dies. If he loves you...he will change but honestly and i know this isn't what you want to hear...he doesn't. There is no way he can possibly love you and NOT support you through what should be a wonderful time. Guess what...that baby growing in your stomach will love you and you can shower your baby with allllllll the love you desire
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
Wow. Stories like this blow my mind.
Does he realize it will cost him more if he pays child support than if he raises the baby?
I totally support the choice to abort when it is appropriate, but you are married, you WANT THE BABY, and there are no health concerns. Your husband needs to man up and get behind raising this baby, or you will simply just have to take him for every thing he's worth down to the last unmatched sock. And the court will give it all to you because what judge would side with a man who kicked his wife out because he knocked her up?
Tell him you are keeping it, and if he makes an issue of it, get a lawyer.
Kinikia, keep your baby you have been given the most precious and beautiful blessing from God (my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year and you can't imagine how stressful and disappointing it is, I have spent so many days and nights crying and praying that God would bless us with a baby). If your husband truly loved you no matter what financial circumstances you are in he would never tell you to have an abortion. He sounds like a very selfish person and one I would never want to raise a child with. Also, sounds to me like he's a bit controlling...you need to stand up to him and be the woman and mother God intended you to be and hopefully your husband will see the light and be the man and husband he's suppose to be. If it means you having to raise this child on your own than do it, you can do this don’t be afraid you are not alone God is with you and he loves you because you are His child. I pray your husband will see the errors of his ways and accept this baby with open arms. I wish you all the best.
God bless you.
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