Not getting pregnant - question

**worriedforhisgf** · 12-18-2009 02:15 AM

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind me posting here, even though I'm male - it's on behalf of my girlfriend

I have been with my Girlfriend around 4 - 5 months now. She stopped taking the pill about 2 and a half months ago, but even then she never took it regularly.

For the past 2 years she has taken the pill occassionally, but not regularly.

She has started to get worried as she did not tell me she had stopped taking the pill. About 2 and a half years ago she was with her boyfriend and forgot to take the pill, this happened quite a few times and that is when she started to think "i'm not getting pregnant". She has kept it quiet for almost 2 years.

Now, my question is - should we worry at this stage?
We have regular unprotected sex, sometimes every day but usually every other day. However, we have not been trying for a baby and have not taken pregnany tests. My gf has also never tried for a baby in the past, she regularly had unprotected sex though (not as often as we are having it now).

As said above, she last took her pill about 2 and a half months ago, but even then it wasn't regular.

Many thanks for your help.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-18-2009 02:20 AM

Don't be discouraged about being a male on this Forum, have a look around, we have quite a few and it's great to get both genders views on alot of things

Tempting fate comes to mind.
Being lazy and not taking responsibility comes to mind, there on both accounts, yours and hers.

She may be lucky and doesn't fall pregnant easily or didn't with her ex, but you may be a different kettle of fish as it balls down to sperm count and her count so to speak.

It's dangerous absolutely, it just needs one little bugger to swim for his / her life, and that's it pregnant.

Why would you do that? Why would she?

Does it bother you if you do become pregnant, can you afford to have a baby both of you? This little being of life, needs security.

If I was you, I'd wear a condom full stop.

If I was both of you, I would sit down and discuss this rationally and sensibly and work out what you both want.

Mistakes are very different than planning.

CW

**lillithlix** · 12-18-2009 02:28 AM

From the sounds of it your gf has had unprotected sex with a few people, has she considered being tested for an STI?
There are some STI's out there which can mess around with the ability to get pregnant. Your girlfriend might want to get tested to make sure she doesnt have something like Chlamydia.

**worriedforhisgf** · 12-18-2009 02:33 AM

Thank you, both of you, for your input.

CW - We have seriously discussed child protection, and as far as I was concerned she was on the pill. This type of attitude from me does not excuse the fact I don't wear a condom. Her self-esteem has hit rock bottom as now she feels useless not being able to fall pregnant (or so she thinks). I've tried to comfort her and say let's cross that bridge when we get to it, plenty of people have difficulty falling pregnant, it doesn't mean she's "broken".

lillithlix - She has only had unprotected sex with her boyfriends, me being the 3rd. It may be worth her getting checked for an STI, but she first experienced this "problem" around 2 and a half years ago when she forgot to take the pill (when she was around 18), could an STI likely go on for this long without her noticing?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-18-2009 02:43 AM

I get that... that was your thought. No it doesn't, the lady is wearing the pants, you need to wear to raincoat

if this is not what you both are after.

So it appears that this is deliberate, she can actually be tested to see how easily or how hard it is for her to become pregnant, but remember, her man in her life is a different story. He may be very furtile. Do you actually think she is "trying"? I do.

She seems to feel that she can't because she didn't.. Get her checked so she can have piece of mind.

STI's, can be anything, HPV I have learnt has 100 strains, worse, herpes, then cervical cancer, best, a gene. HPV can even occur from oral only no penetration, herpes.

So yes, she is living a dangerous life full stop and so are you.

Bare in mind that they say by 50, 80% of women will have HPV in some form, I just replied to a thread on same, but STI can happen at anytime, your partner can be a good girl/ guy, but one wrong partner and that's it.

It's not about whom you date, it's about whom they dated.

Those one night stands so many guys go for, without condoms then want a woman to share their life with, so enter a relationship, not knowing what occured.

It happens.

It's fate.

And your both tempting fate.

CW

**lillithlix** · 12-18-2009 02:58 AM

Originally Posted by worriedforhisgf

lillithlix - She has only had unprotected sex with her boyfriends, me being the 3rd. It may be worth her getting checked for an STI, but she first experienced this "problem" around 2 and a half years ago when she forgot to take the pill (when she was around 18), could an STI likely go on for this long without her noticing?

Yes it is quite possible for an STI to still be hanging around, with no symptoms, after 2 1/2 years or more. She could have possibly contracted something like HPV or Chlamydia the first time she had unprotected sex. It wouldnt matter who with because just because you're in a relationship doesnt mean you havent got something.

Chlamydia is a big one for having no symptoms, I should know, I had it and didnt know. It's quite simple to treat too, just had to take a specific antibiotic for it and then it was gone.

I would suggest getting tested yourself and your gf getting tested too, just to be sure. I personally get tested every 3 to 6 months if I've slept with someone new, or several someones. All you need is one time of unprotected sex and you could have anything.

If you dont got the rubber, there will be no hubba-hubba. It's definately a phrase to keep in mind.

**lillithlix** · 12-18-2009 03:05 AM

Another thing to think about is you may be having unprotected sex with her but in effect you're having unprotected sex with every guy she had unprotected sex with before you, and the people they had unprotected sex with before them and so on and so forth.

It's not just the person you're sleeping with but their entire sexual history too.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-18-2009 03:39 AM

It appears she has fear that she can't get pregnant and you have fear that she can.

STI's people will harp on, in addition as you used the " no condom" conversation

Let her go to the Doctors and you too why not and test your fertility.

That was the purpose of your thread... It's okay to view other thoughts and you should know of them but don't take that to "truth" , not so, and you both can check that as well if you wish at the time....

But at this stage, I think there are more important issues, her fear and your fear and not equalling united...

Jump this ... it's not healthy.

CW

**sourpuss** · 12-18-2009 07:20 AM

Just because she hasn't gotten pregnant in the past does not mean that she can't now. It's actually very hard for a couple to conceive. It all comes down to both people's fertility and timing. She's only had 3 partners and was on/off the pill at the time. Who knows, maybe every time there was an opportunity, she wasn't ovulating. There's a very small window when it can actually happen. Even couple's who are both fertile and having sex everyday take months or even years to conceive.

I think you are both playing with fire here. You haven't been together very long, do you really want a kid? It seems like she almost wants to get pregnant just to prove to herself that she can.

Be careful.

**worriedforhisgf** · 12-21-2009 03:52 AM

Thank you for the help.

I do have one more question - she has not had her period yet this month, but says it is normal for them to be irregular? (She says she does not know when her period is likely to come on). I always thought periods were regular and during the middle of the month.... should I be concerned?