Im pregnant and single and overwhelmed please help

**SweetP** · 01-01-2010 09:58 AM

I just recently found out that Im pregnant. Im currently unemployed, single and just moved back home. Ive been trying to figure out where my life is headed. I am about to turn 28 years old and not sure I can handle all this right now. The father is a guy I had a fling with, we attempted to pursue a relationship but we live in different states and we are just complete opposites. We had a fling and I moved on. I begin to date this guy who for me feels like the one. Out of honesty I told him the truth, that Im pregnant with someone elses baby and that I dont know what to do. I feel like Im losing him because of all this.

I come from a very religious family and I dont believe in abortion but for some reason its been on my mind. Maybe its because of the father. I spoke to him and hes pressuring me to get an abortion. He already sent me the money and I scheduled an appointment with the clinic for the procedure. He said he will do anything to "take care of it" and that this will ruin both of our lives.

Im in a complete depression mode and Im not sure I can go through with it. Im afraid I will be making the biggest mistake of my life but then Im afraid of bringing a child into this world with no father and with a mother who is struggling. I mean I dont even have employment right now. Im completely lost and I feel all alone. The father doesnt want the baby and the guy that I just started dating is about to leave me. My family will be so disappointed in me and I am afraid they will make matters worse for me by judging me.

Im so stuck and Im praying for a way to make the right decision for my life. Please help..

**sourpuss** · 01-01-2010 12:26 PM

First off, just remember that you're not alone. You may feel like you are, but you're not.
The most important thing is that you base your decision on what is best for you at this point in your life. Not on what your parents think, or your current boyfriend, or the father. It's your body, your life, your decision. If you don't feel you can be a good mother at this time, given your circumstances, then that is reality and not something you should ever feel guilty about.
No matter what you decide, decide for you, based on your situation and don't let anyone elses opinion have anything to do with it.

When I read your post, it was all about what everyone else thought and not what you thought/wanted/needed. Your body, your life, your decision for what's best for you. Just remember that.

**Futureboy** · 01-01-2010 12:43 PM

SweetP

You will be ok and you will take the right decision

The dad just wants it done 'cos he's in for 18 years of child support

Your bf is bricking it and is probably too much to take on. He is likely to 'do one' sooner or later. You did the right thing telling him even if he's probably not going to stick around

It's your decision to have the baby or not. If you have it you don't have to keep it.

There are plenty of good single mum's in the world it's not the ideal childhood but do you know anyone who really did? A child just needs love (and food). money is nice but it is not the be all and end all. With a child you will always be loved. These days in the UK taking on other peoples kids is not uncommon, I've done it kids are fun and bring youth.

Please don't think I am trying to sway you in any way there are pro's and con's of all options.

I wish you all the very best

Fb

**LanaBear** · 01-01-2010 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

When I read your post, it was all about what everyone else thought and not what you thought/wanted/needed. Your body, your life, your decision for what's best for you. Just remember that.

I completely agree with sp. Don't make your decision based on what everyone else wants. There are many many options for you, but you need to do what feels right.

**sperosi** · 01-01-2010 04:26 PM

i am sorry you feel so trapped. I cant say whether getting an abortion is the right thing to do or not. for some it is, and for others it isnt. In your situation I might lean more towards having the abortion, but thats just me.

one of the previous posters made an excellent observation in that you have been focusing on what others want and may think. the person who has to live with the choice is you. what do you want? I can come up with some questions you may want to ask yourself in figuring out what you want, but I am going to go out on a limb and say you already know.

**SweetP** · 01-01-2010 05:48 PM

Firstly thank you so much for the replies. Truth is I am always worried about what my loved ones will think but in this case I do need to think about only myself. I am completely torn but my heart is telling me to have this child. I dont believe in abortion, never have. My beliefs are so strong and I never thought that I would have ever considered it an option.

Im so scared because of my circumstances. Ive always dreamed of having a baby and a family. I know I will be a good mother one day but is this the right time? Im a true believer of everything happens for a reason. So is this the right time? And is it supposed to be this way? My family struggles and I feel like I will be a burden on them. And theres no way I can live at home with a baby so I will have to figure out where I will live.

I made an appointment for next week to get it done but I really dont think I can go through with it, something in my heart doesnt let me. If I was financially stable and had my own place and just a stable life I would never second guess having this child so that says a lot. Its just my situation right now that makes me uneasy and confused.

My mother knows about this and she says she will support me in either decision but if I choose to keep the baby she cant really help me financially. What can I do if I want to keep this baby and live on a low income on my own? I dont want to raise my child in a dangerous, low income neighborhood. And living with my parents is no longer an option. I need to figure things out before its too late..

**danceintx** · 01-02-2010 12:07 PM

Coming from someone who was a single mom at 17, never had a job before in my life, with a deadbeat father who wasn't in the picture, and no help from my parents, I can tell you from experience it's . It's hard, it has been really hard on me, I don't even feel like I'm the same person anymore. It's sucked for my son. I wonder sometimes if I should have done it, but we survived it, and we're happy.
Now having an abortion also has it's consequences. You will feel guilty, possibly even depressed for a long time. Always think about who the baby would have been, did you do the right thing?
Only you can make this choice, it will be very hard either way. But no matter what you choose you will be ok. Good luck.

**sperosi** · 01-02-2010 01:35 PM

not to be too personal, but is living at home really not an option, even if just for a short period of time? maybe just long enough to have the baby, get settled into a reasonable job and then find your own place?

one other thing to consider is the cost of daycare if there is no one else to look after the child. if you cant afford anything but a place in a dangerous low income neighborhood, will you be able to afford the daycare expenses? thats where living at home with your parents can help. you may not need mobey from them, but if they are available to help watch the baby while you work, it ends up helping a lot financially.

**SweetP** · 01-03-2010 07:20 PM

I have a tough decision to make. And no my family cant even help. My parents are divorced. I currnetly live with my mother and stepfather. I dont get along with my step father, he wants me to move out already. My father kicked out my sister when she was pregnant. He believes that the babys father should take full responsibility so he definitely wont help me out or understand that Im on my own.

It hurts me to say but I might just have to get an abortion afterall. This decision is eating me alive I feel like. Im scared that I wont be able to have kids in the future or that God will punish me somehow. This is the biggest decision I ever had to make but I feel like its the right one to make at this point in my life, which my mother agrees with.

Will I be able to live with myself after? Thats the question that lingers..
God forgive me

**MzLynnie** · 01-03-2010 08:10 PM

I have been in your similar situation. I had 2 sons and then 10 years later I was pregnant by a guy whom it was just a fling but I was dating someone who could not have a child and when he found out, he offered to take me to another state to get the abortion that he made the appointment for me, take me and was going to pay for it. The father of the baby didn't want anything to do me because of his situation and wanted me to have an abortion as well and we didn't speak until the day she was born. Fortunately, he did step up to the plate and didn't fuss over child support and she is part of his life somewhat. I don't pressure him to come get her and she will call him from time to time to talk to him but she is part of his other children's lives which are all older more so than she see him and she has a father figure in her life so it doesn't bother her. Just as he made his choice not to see her on a regular basis as a father should, I made mine. Was it hard? Yes. I was already struggling to maintain with two boys that I had no child support although it was court ordered, he refused to pay. It was tough but I managed. God provided.
I come from a religion background as well and abortion was out of the question. Before I even told my family, I truly believe I had a breakdown because I was torn between keeping the baby or aborting my baby to satisfy the father of the baby and the guy I was dating. In a way after I got over the initial shock of being pregnant, I wanted a baby and then I didn't so I struggled within myself what to do. I was constantly back and forth on what to do and didn't know who to turn to. I was beyond depressed, I constantly cried and was confused mentally and hurting both physically and emotionally. It was tough!

I truly had to get away and do a soul-search for myself and think what was best for me. I had comtemplated having the abortion but then couldn't actually go through with it. I had the same thoughts and questions you had regarding what if I did abort and then I had the questions, what will I do if I keep it, so I understand your state of mind. My youngest was 10 years old, I didn't want to start all over, child care expenses, then I thought about outcome of if something went wrong with abortion, can this finally be a girl, can I afford to add another mouth to feed, I literally thought I was losing it. I stayed sick throughout the pregnancy. Today, I have a beautiful daughter.

When I decided to keep the baby, the guy I had been dating got upset but he stuck around for a while afterwards but things weren't the same and then disappeared and two years later, he reappeared wanting to get back together but now I have a husband whom loves me and my children.

But you truly have to really search yourself and do what is best for you. I agree with the others, nobody's opinion should reflect what you do. Only YOU know what is best for you and what you can and cannot deal with. Because nobody has to deal with the outcome but you. So you decide what is best for you and don't let any man pressure you into something you don't want. YOU decide if keeping the baby or abortion is best for you. It's YOUR body and YOUR life and whatever decision you make, they will have to deal with it, family included. Pray on the situation even when you feel you can't pray because in the end, only YOU should have the final say and nobody else.
My prayers are with you!