Difficult Descision

**__confused__** · 01-05-2010 08:24 PM

I'm sorry but this needs a little bit of a back story to fully be understood..

I was dating this guy at the end of 2007 for about 6 months. He broke up with me to go back to his on and off girlfriend of 6 years.

Since that time they broke up again and we were sleeping together. In mid 2008 I ended up pregnant. He wouldn't talk to me about it, all I got was a text message that said "I am not ready for this". I terminated the pregnancy because I didn't think it was fair to bring a child into the world knowing it wouldn't have a father.

I didn't handle the termination very well, I locked myself away from all of my friends for months and cried and cried and cried. I didn't speak to the father for quite some time.

About 2 months ago we started sleeping together again. I decided only a few weeks ago that I deserve to actually be with someone who does love and care about me and be happy, so I told him I couldn't continue as we had been because I do care about him too much, and it just hurts me.

Over the Christmas / New Year period I found out that I am pregnant again, and this time it is even more confusing than before.

It hurt (emotionally) so much last time with the termination, I don't think I could ever go through that again, but at the same time the situation is still the same and the same reasons still exist for why I made that choice.

On the flip side, when I think about keeping the baby, it makes me happy. I'm worried that part of me feels like it is going to bring the father back and that isn't the right reason to make this descision.

I am 22 years old, I work full time, but still live at home, and a few months ago I booked a 4 month holiday in Europe for the middle of this year.

As you can see I'm very very confused...

**Mes T** · 01-05-2010 09:07 PM

Okay first of all, whatever your decision will be, do NOT make it based on the "father" in any way shape or form. This man doesn't deserve your time, your affection, or your acknowledgement of his existence at all. Leave him to his "on and off" girlfriend. Sounds like they deserve each other.

Was that harsh?

I am pro-choice but would too probably have a tough time deciding were I actually in that situation.

What were your reasons for being so upset about your first abortion? Maybe talking about those in detail can help you decide this time around.

Also, did you guys use protection when you had sex, and if you didn't, why not? I know that isn't the pressing matter at the moment, but it's certainly important if you want to make sure you don't get any more "surprises" down the road.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-05-2010 10:43 PM

There is only one person who can make this decision regarding keeping the baby and that is YOU....

You work full time, you live at home, that means that you can support this child, your travel can be put off and I agree with Mes T, "don't make the decision based on his wants/needs"...

Whilst in most cases two people need to talk about things and work them out as a team, it's your body and based on your comments it nearly destroyed you emotionally before.

You have to seek councelling from a Clinic and understand all your options, both having the baby or not so you know exactly what you are up against both ways.

But, you also have to make this decision from your heart, not your head.....I think, in this instance.

CW

**the wench** · 01-06-2010 10:24 AM

its a hard decision to make ive been there...i have 2 kids already and the timing was just awful for both me and the father as we 2 wernt actually in a proper relationship at the time...we are now but the pain of what happens will still be something i have 2 live with for the rest of my life but its alot easier now than back then..which im sure you can relate 2.
having said that your now back 2 square 1 and still not with the father so and i wouldnt count on "if i keep the baby will it bring him 2 me" its not the right reason 2 bring a baby into the world...you need 2 want the baby for you and for the happy thoughts you say you think of and if the father does happen 2 step up and be there 4 you both if you keep it then its an added bonus for you both.
if you decide 2 abort again then you must remember the feelings you had the last time and decide if its something you can deal with all over again.
having a baby is generally something couples decide together when they love each other and are with each other and want 2 combine that love into a baby they made...although we all relise accidents do happen but this doesnt have 2 be a mistake!
talk 2 him and let him air his feelings on it but dont let him force you into an abortion if you want to keep the baby...you can do this on your own and make that clear 2 him if this is what YOU want...then he can decide if he is going 2 walk away or do whats right!
good luck with what you decide!