had an abortion, please help

**Casey715** · 02-26-2010 03:16 PM

I am a male 30 years old. I know this is a womens site, but I was browsing sites and came upon this one. I just...need some....perspective. We got pregnant when we were still in high school. 2 weeks before my H.S graduation we had a beautiful baby girl. My girlfriend still had her Jr. and Sr. years ahead of her. We got married 2 years later after she finished H.S. We had another child, a beautiful baby boy, 4 years later. I love my kids and my wife. We have been married 9 years now and we got pregnant again on accident. The middle of October my wife had MMH shots to comply with her Medical Schooling and they said not to get pregnant for 3 months. While on my extern, Med School as well, I was subjected to high amounts of radiation through the use of x-rays in November. A sonogram showed we conceived in the middle of December. Knowing all of this, we decided to abort the child out of fear for congenital defects. We aborted the child 4 days ago. Last night my wife was on a web site and found out that MMH shots are now diluted to the point that there is no real risk to pregnancy. She now feels like she murdered the child, when before she felt we were showing mercy. She hates me now because I pushed the decision to have an abortion. I hate myself as well, regardless of the circumstances. Please help, I feel so ashamed and lost.

**LanaBear** · 02-26-2010 03:19 PM

It's recent and the emotions on both ends are on extreme overload. But, I honestly feel, you both may benefit from some type of counseling. I'm assuming this is a decision you made together, so neither of you should be blaming the other. It was a mature decision made as a couple.

Go talk to someone professionally who can help you and your wife wade through these emotions and grief.

**WildChild** · 02-26-2010 03:27 PM

You did what you deemed right for the time and circumstances. You cannot delay some things until you have every bit information ever available. Information found in the internet isn't always correct. She is no doubt stressed and going through hormone changes. Even if the info on the MMH correct, you still had radiation exposure.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-26-2010 03:30 PM

Websites are not Doctors, what you were advised, may have been due to the fact that they didn't dilute those shots then, or the person who administred them wasn't updated with today's technology.

The point I am trying to make is that your Doctor stated this for a reason. I know of Doctors that can't and don't have the time to try all the new things, or new ways and I'm betting that this Doctor is one of them, which is sad and I would consider finding a Doctor who is "up to date" with all new technology that is available to them.

Please don't beat yourselves up. Both of you, not one of you made the decision and you both did so based on what you were told, if you want to be mad, be mad at the Doctor.

And, please don't believe everything you read on google.

As Lana has stated though, this is very emotional, a very emotional time so please do see someone to help you both through it.

Your choice is a choice that most people would have made, based on what you were told..

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-26-2010 03:32 PM

you still had radiation exposure

Very good point too WC

**chaotic_mess** · 03-04-2010 06:53 PM

please don't beat yourself up over it, the women that have already replied to your post have excellent points.
You should go into counseling, it wasn't neither of you guys faults.
the emotions are going to be running high
Don't believe every thing you find through google or any other search engine for that matter.

**Casey715** · 03-07-2010 12:27 AM

Thank you all for your kind words. The wife and I are both doing better. Still feel pretty crappy, but we are going forward.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-07-2010 12:42 AM

Hey, Casey, that's great.

We wish you all the best and hope you both use this place to continue on your next journey in life, what ever that future holds.

We afterall, are just people, just like you two

CW

**Casey715** · 03-08-2010 10:55 PM

O, we will.

**sperosi** · 03-13-2010 12:10 AM

you made the best choice you could at the time based on what you knew at the time. based on what the med school said, you made the right choice. forget what you read on the internet, althought it is diluted, there is still a risk.

you should not be ashamed with, or mad at yourselves.