Having a miscarriage, need advice please!

**Lizzy79** · 03-18-2010 05:44 PM

Soapgirl. on the same note as all the other women replying, i feel for you. and you are not alone.

i have a 9 year old little boy now, but i have also had 1 eptopic, and 4 miscarriages since he was born. all varying in gestation. i can totally sympathize when you say you get angry. i couldn't even go near babies or pregnant women, it was so painful.

i just wanted to say it is always good to keep a hopful and positive outlook, and i am so sorry you and your husband are having to deal with this sort of trama, but i it does get better. i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. we may not know what it is or understand it but the reason is there. good luck!

**Soapgirl** · 03-21-2010 11:34 PM

Thank for all the support I really need it. Sorry it took me so long to respond. On Monday I started spotting and by Wen. I was bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain. We decided to go to the hospital. I was admitted and told I needed an emergency d&c. The procedure was done Thursday, and thankfully my doctor put me under so I didn't have to be awake. I've been home resting for a couple of days. I'm am still cramping, a little, I am sore and very swollen. I also have been discharging this brown sticky fluid with small gray clots. Has anyone else who has had a d&c done have this happen? My doctor didn't mention anything about swelling or this type of discharge and I'm not scheduled to see him for another 6 weeks. I was just wondering if this was normal.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-22-2010 02:38 AM

It's your body, ridding of all dead blood, that part is normal, but where are you swelling sweet?

I also hope you VM Little you two would be good at supporting each other, as well as the fact that she is extremely knowledgable but not always here to read every thread.

**Soapgirl** · 03-22-2010 05:37 AM

My stomach I'm extremely bloated, even more so than before the procedure.

**mysteriousbabyangel** · 03-27-2010 04:33 AM

soapgirl i am so sorry to read about your miscarrige. I have had 2 miscarrages myself and can relate to the heartache you are going through.

I have read all your posts upto the last one and i think it was best to have the D & C as you can get quiet sick if you waited for your body to pass them naturally. either way you will bleed for a lil while (genrally a couple of days to 2weeks.

My first miscarrige was a single fetus and i lost (him/her) at 13weeks through a accident where i fell down a set of stairs it not only caused stress in my relationship where i was blamed for it (we didnt last long after that) but it was even harder as i had a 1 1/2 yr old lil girl that i had to still be able to function for.

1 1/2 yrs later
My second Miscarrige was just like yours (twins). I had lost twins one was 14weeks and the other was 17weeks. (sizes taken from ultasound) (i found out when i should have been 19wks). the doctor and the gyno were totally shocked when they found out i had had a miscarrige due to the fact i was so far along and there was a couple weeks between each and no one had picked it up even though i had been checked 4times in those 3 weeks) how we noticed was i was feeling a lil bit under the weather putting it down to morning sickness i wasnt to worried and mentioned it in passing convo with my midwife but started to worry when i nilly passed out after hemroging and I passed one at home before being rushed to the ER where i passed out from the blood loss. the next 3days i dont remember all i know is i was in the ER one min talking to the nurse and woke to my lil girl sitting on the bed in the ward with a big smile that i had finally woken up after 2 1/2 days. in those 2 1/2 days i have been told i had a D & C and was medically induced to a sleeping state to let my body recoupe from the loss and to subjude me to help keep my emotional state running to where it would have (the grief of both miscarrages all in one i never grieved properly first time around so ppl could see i didnt want them to know my hurt).

I can tell you its not something that will just heal it will take time but in the next couple of years you may seem at ease in some way to know that you couldnt have done anything to change the situation. I blamed myself for years (My little girl is now 7 1/2 so all this happen 5-6yrs ago and i have only just come to terms with it to a point) and i am still a little scared to fall preg as i dont know how i would go with another miscarrige but i am newly married and my partner would love a baby so its the least i can do i have just asked if we can just wait til there is minumal stress in our lives before we start trying.

I am one hundred percent sure that even though life is hard at times the hard times make the easy time more appreciative.

Keep your chin up and dont be afraid to grieve. I still think of my 3 angel babys every day but i know they are in a better place now were nothing else can happen to them there spirits live on in each and every thought i have of them and will for the rest of my life

a little advice if you find urself struggling more than your emotional state can take and / or your friends and family cant support you enough to cope with your lose ask your doctor to refer you to someone like a grief counciller they may give you tecniques to deal with it to not effect the rest of your life like it did mine. i didnt do anything about my grief til i was told i was subconciously taking it out on the ones i loved eg my daughter) I would even suggest to take your partner along with you as he will be effected by all this also he lost this gift also remember that as many females forget and there partners are made to feel like they werent physcally carrying the baby so there grief for the lost doesnt matter. (My partner had a miscarrige with his ex about 7mths before he met me she blantenly told him it wasnt his place to grieve as he wasnt carrying it

)

best of luck with your journey and i hope the light is at the end of the tunnel so you dont suffer (hope you have lots of supporting and compationate family and friends) dont feel ashamed or guilty to grieve its all natrual and you will need to do it if you are wanting another baby anytime in the future.

i wish you luck and please know this is a hard time and the good is to come even though it may not seem like it

(sorry it was so long i thought i would share a bit about my experiances so you know your not alone and you deserve to know what its like for someone who has been through a simular expirence

**mysteriousbabyangel** · 03-27-2010 04:46 AM

i forgot to add as for the bloating of your stomach it is normal for a couple of weeks - a few months. But if your worried about it or in pain i would suggest going back to the doctor and asking if there is any chance of infection in you abdominal area (normally a swap is taken and the results back in a day or 2 nothing some antibiotics wont fix rest in mind i had to have 2 D & C for my second miscarrige as i got a infection that wouldnt clear up as i didnt get it checked when i should have it was resistant to the antibiotics and i got quiet sick so get it checked out asap if its causing you discomfort