Having a miscarriage, need advice please!

**Soapgirl** · 03-05-2010 03:41 PM

I'm going to post my entry from my other thread so everything is explained

Here is what has been happening. My last period was Dec. 26th-30th, I ovulated on the 13th of January ( I took a ovulation test, and was measuring my bbt so I'm pretty sure I ovulated on that day) I took a pregnancy test on Jan 28th and got a positive result. On Wens Feb. 17th I woke up with terrible painful cramps, but no bleeding. Since this is my first pregnancy, I decided to go to the er just to make sure everything was ok. The er doctor told me that he thought I was having a miscarriage. He said he thought I had a blighted ovum be cause he saw the gestational sac, but not the baby, and that I should be far enough along to see the baby by now, he told me to go to my obgyn to confirm this. I went to my obgyn that friday and he said the same thing, we saw the gestational sac, but no yolk sac or baby. He said he wanted to do another ultrasound in a week, if I hadn't miscarried by then. Well a week went by and no cramping, no bleeding, nothing. So we went back to the doctor. This time the ultrasound showed there was a yolk sac!!! He still could not see the baby thought and from the blood tests he had been running he said my hcg levels were dropping! He said he thinks I should have had twins and one of them died, which would explain my gestational sac looking so large, and my hcg levels dropping, but no other miscarriage symptoms. He said the yolk sac looked good, but was still worried that he didn't see the baby, he also checked my cervix and it was completely closed, which he said was a good sign. He said we weren't out of the woods yet, not until we see the baby. My concern is based on my dates I should be far enough along to see the baby that's survived. I really don't know how to feel right now. I'm sacred, I'm sad,I'm hopeful. I don't know what to do with myself. Anybody have any advice, or been through something similar? Anything would help right now, thanks. Sorry my post was so long

So I go back to the doctor today and he does another ultrasound, The ultrasound showed that even though my cervix is still not dilated, my gestational sac is starting to collapse and my hcg levels are still dropping. He said he now saw what should have been my twins but they had no heartbeat. He gave me a choice of either starting medication to start the miscarriage or having a D&C. I don't know what to do, having to go through the physical pain of taking the medication and bleeding for days, I've been on such a emotional roller coaster these past few weeks I kind of want it all over with. On the other hand I don't think I can emotionally go through a d&C, watching what should have been my babies being sucked out of me, with a vacuum cleaner, is a little more than I can bear right now. To top it off I've lost my job because I've been off work this whole time because my dr. put me on bed rest.
I don't know what to do. I'm scared and heartbroken and angry. All of my friends are pregnant right now!! I can't turn to them, even my best friend, she has the same due date I did!!! I really can't take it, everywhere I go I see happy pregnant people, and I know it is wrong but I'm angry. Why my babies. I know I shouldn't think that way and these things just happen. I just feel so lost right now. If anybody has any type of advice or encouragement I could really use it.

**p3375** · 03-05-2010 04:20 PM

S-grl
I am so very very sorry to read your post. I know you must feel all alone, but you are not.

Can't help much except keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Will do that, dear.

P

**sweetpea85** · 03-08-2010 04:27 PM

All I can say is my heart goes out to you. I've never been pregnant or anything, but I know of women who have miscarried and delivered stillborns. I just can't imagine.

Are you on any of those support forums or websites? Maybe that would help...being able to talk to women who are going through or have gone through the same thing. Especially since you mentioned you don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

Thoughts and prayers go out to you.

**sperosi** · 03-13-2010 12:16 AM

i am so very sorry for what you are going through. my SO and I went through a few miscarriages, and one mis that required a d&c anyway.

my only suggestion is do whatever would help you get past it easier.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2010 01:32 AM

The only thing I can say to you is your not alone.

I know of another woman I admire, adore that went through something simular.

Her decision was to say, I'll change my pattern of eating, of drinking, of exercise and it WILL happen.

She is the Administrator if this site... I can say this as she posted it.

And, I admire her.. This is the only way to see it... At that point in your life, it wasn't mean't to be, in the near future it will.

Who knows why it's not mean't to be now. But at my age, I have seen friends go through this lots of times and succeed.

Be positive, I am so sorry for you loss as I am with her, but believe, and change things that may help but mostly believe...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you..

CW

**Soapgirl** · 03-14-2010 09:20 AM

Thank you all so much for your support. It has been over a week and still no spotting or cramping. Friday I went back to the doctor and the ultrasound looked different again. My gestational sac, which up until this point had been growing is now getting smaller, which my doctor explained is a sign of miscarriage. Here's where it gets weird, this time we saw a 6 week and 1 day old fetus!, but still no heartbeat. All signs of the other twin are gone including the yolk sac. The thing is my gestational sac is showing I'm 10 weeks, which is right, but the fetus, which is growing and looks different from last week is only 6 weeks, and we still have no heartbeat. While my doctor still thinks I'm having a miscarriage he wants to continue to monitor me because my ultrasounds keep changing. He even printed out two pictures for me to take home. I know this might sound weird, but I'm trying so hard to not have hope. At the 7 week ultrasound my fiance and I were heartbroken to learn there was no baby, then at 8 weeks we became excited again to find the yolk sacs, then 9 weeks we went back to being heartbroken because nothing had changed and the doctor was so sure I was having a miscarriage. Now I don't know what to think, I can't help but be a little hopeful. I'm just not sure how much more of this roller coaster I can stand.I go back to the doctor Thursday. Thanks for all the support, I'll let everyone know what happens.

**WildChild** · 03-14-2010 09:56 AM

All this doubt must be very difficult. It's harder not knowing, than to be able to grieve and move on. Be gentle with yourself and each other, try to find activities to engage your attention so you don't dwell on it too much.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 03-16-2010 10:24 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I know just what you are going through. In Jan 2010 I too miscarried. I was so distraught. To top it off I was due the same time as my sister-in-law. Her baby was a healthy baby boy. I was seven weeks when they found that I stopped growing. My Doctor gave me the same options with one more...he said sometimes when there are twins the Gestational sac will shrink but a baby could be alive still. He said that he has heard of women, and seen women, that have had twins one died and the other lived. A twin sac will be bigger. He said sometimes heart beats can't be seen for a while. I don't want to give you false hope, as I know what that feels like. I hated too. I wondered why me, why not her. I even get sad when I see my nephew. Losing a baby is never something you can just get over. It takes healing and time. I would listen to the doctor and just observe the changes. I would not hold your feelings inside tell someone what you are feeling, even if it is here on this site. When I passed the sac of my baby-when I miscarried- I was alone, and I felt alone. I had a hard time moving on. It didn't help that my Husband was not supportive and told me to "Get over it already!" When this happens you need a hug so that is what I am sending you-a hug and all the strength I had to have to keep that memory in my heart but move on with my life. My thoughts are with you!

**TDHopeful** · 03-16-2010 06:40 PM

Going on 11 years ago, My son was stillborn...but since I have had two children and hoping for another. I guess what Im trying to say, is that you never forget the child or children that you loose, but you do move on in time. I pray the very best for you. Dont give up hope.

**Little** · 03-17-2010 10:33 AM

You and I would have had about the same due date. I miscarried last month.
As CW mentioned, I have chosen to stay positive. My pregnancy was unplanned (we weren't on BC, just letting it happen if it happened) so I was rather unprepared. In the time since it happened, I have indeed stayed positive, started eating healthier and taking my vitamins, all that good stuff. I'm jealous of other pregnant women too - another girl I work with is as far along as I would have been and just announced her pregnancy.
I hope that everything works out for you, and that the ultrasounds get sorted out. If you ever want to talk, just say something on my Visitor's Page. Sometimes it's just nice to know that someone gets what's going on in your head.