Thread: tough desicion!!!

This situation is difficult and you need to take some time to weigh all of your options. Also give your guy some time to think about it as well, he might just be freaked out and may need sometime to adjust, or he may not. He might not want to be a father. While you should listen to his concerns you should not let his opinion make your decision for you. You both need to weigh the pros and cons of every option and make the best decision for you, him, and your family. Since you did seem worried about the pregnancy, with the cramping, but were also worried about loosing your guy and raising 3 children alone, have you thought about adoption as a third option? If you come to the decision that raising this child yourself maybe to difficult and you're not sure you can live with having an abortion, adoption may be a compromise you and your man can live with. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm pushing, I'm really not I'm just letting you know there are more than 2 options out there. Bottom line is this choice is yours and yours alone, and if your man can't give you the support and understanding you need to make it than as much as it hurts, you might be better off in the long run without him. This is a terribly difficult situation you are in and my heart goes out to you. You need to take time to make a choice, whatever it may be that you feel comfortable with and that you can live with. I wish you luck and I hope you find the answers you need to make this choice.

I agree that the answer is right in front of you. I think you have made your decision already, in your heart. I know how hard it is to think that he might leave you. It is easy to say what a jerk he is and that it is wrong of him to say that. When you love someone Jerk or not he is all you think about. In 2005 I found out that my BC was ineffective and I was with child. I wanted to keep it, he wanted to abort it. I cried every night. He told me that if I had it it would ruin his plans and our relationship. I looked deep in my heart and realized that as much as I loved him I loved my baby too. I was still a student in College and set to graduate when I would be three months along. Scared of losing him I made a Doctors appointment. I needed to be 100% sure I was pregnant and then I would make my decision. When I was at the Doctor I realized that with or without him I would have him. The baby inside me was him and me. The best of him, the best of me. I told him I was going to have the baby and that if he didn't want me or it than he would have to be the one who left not me.

Against giving you false hope I will tell you the end of this story. On Dec 16th 2005 I had a C-section that resulted in a lovely baby girl. I am pro-choice and believe that this is the hardest decision any woman can ever make. I married that man two years after our daughter was born. He realized that he wanted to be part of her life more than he knew. I know myself, as you probably know yourself...I knew that getting an abortion would tear me up so bad that our relationship would have been over anyways. I realized in that Doctors office that if he left because of this than he will leave because of something else just as quickly. If he was a runner-and ran from his problems- than how would the rest of our lives pan out. There is a lot to think about, listen to your heart and your head. Remember that he may leave, he may stay, but you will always have a part of him with you. Sometimes the idea of a person is what we love most of all. As said above you are the only one that can make that decision. I hope you have a strong support system outside of him, and remember he is scared just because he says things doesn't mean he means it. I hope this helps you, and good luck in making that decision. No matte what you decide you are not alone there are women everywhere who are going through the same thing, and when you make that decision-no matter what it is-they are there holding you supporting you.

I dunno....I guess I just think that the woman has a bit of a different take on actually carrying through with the abortion and living with it. She is the only one who has felt that baby growing inside of her. In her mind instantly she is a mother, but to a man, he feels nothing physically, therefore it's easier for him to make a quick black and white decision and walk away from it differently than the woman can.

I dont think either party, female or male should ever be considered the victim in the situation of pregnancy, because they both knew the possibilities when having unprotected sex. Right? So really, if a man wants his CHOICE, he should make a responsible one and avoid creating a human life if he doesn't want a child. Same goes for a woman. Yeah, many men probably feel "shafted" in the situation, but honestly I think it's because they would rather take no responsibility for their actions. Sort of like, "I didn't want to use a condom cause it didn't feel as good, but now I don't want to have a baby either so I'm going to expect her to take care of ridding of that problem". But that's just me. It's another instance where responsibility falls in the hands of the woman very unfairly. Because it's like if you don't abort then it's viewed by some as unfair to expect the man to help you pay for the child? Yikes. I disagree wholeheartedly.

But as far as your decision, The Wench, you have to make a decision that you can live with for the rest of your life. I know you don't want to lose him, but it took two to create this child and if he's honestly willing to give up his relationship with you because you don't have an abortion, then I'd seriously have to reconsider the relationship if I were you.

I know having children has got to be HARD HARD work, but I don't think one ever truly regrets the life of their child. I do however think that one might regret ending that life. But the decision you make has to be what is in your HEART, not a forced decision out of fear of losing a boyfriend.