Is it wrong for me to feel jealous?

**IrishGal** · 07-18-2010 06:29 AM

Ok I really just need to vent a lil right now...my hubby and I are not ttc.. but yet ive wanted a baby for as long as i can remember. Well about 3 years ago.. my best friend found out that her and her bf were expecting (not ttc cuz he was cheating on her) so she had her son and hes wonderful. It's not the best situation.. but i was still jealous of her..now my other best friend.. who was always the party girl an never really wanted to settle down but yet she always wanted kids..shes been with her bf for 2 months. (they were not ttc but were not using condoms and he was pulling out) she just found out today thats shes pregnant..these are not ideal situations to bring a baby in.. but yet i cant help but be jealous.. why is it my two best friends who didnt want kids.. are able to have them and here im married and still no baby? i cant complain too much cuz my hubby and i are not ttc and dont do it often enough to even be close to the idea of possible conceiving.. but yet this still makes me feel horrible.. any thoughts?

**jns** · 07-18-2010 08:29 AM

You say you are not ttc, but in your mind you are, at least to some degree, otherwise you wouldn't be jealous of your friends. Does your husband want to wait or do you or both? How old are the people in your post? Pregnant in 2 months shows the capability of the pull-out method.

**IrishGal** · 07-19-2010 07:52 AM

Well my friend that has the 3 yr old son is going to be 25 in october and my friend that just found out that shes pregnant by her 2 month bf is going to be 27 in april.. im 25 and my husband is 28. Mostly my husband is the one who wants to wait.. if it were up to me id be trying today. All my husband and i do is the pull out method so im praying (in my mind) that I end up getting pregnant.. not just because my friends are, but because I've wanted kids and pregnancy is one fo the main things i've been wanting to experience

**KMonte85** · 07-19-2010 08:35 AM

I think a little bit of jealousy is okay. Your friends have had children, something you are aching to do, feeling a tinge of jealousy will be normal. We all have it, we all can be jealous when a friend acquires something or does something that we've always dreamed to have or do.. HOWEVER (and this is a big one!) if you are finding it hard to set aside your feelings of jealousy and be truly, honestly happy for your friends, if you're having trouble being a good and supportive friend because of being jealous, you need to step back and look at the situation. These emotions are not healthy, and when left unchecked can seriously spiral into unhealthy consequences, broken friendships, and negative outcomes.

If your feelings are this strong, then it may be the time to talk to your husband again about starting a family. Get to the root of why he wants to wait, and why you don't. Then talk, weigh all the options and decide what the right course for the two of you are... focusing on you will also help you feel less jealousy towards your friends.

**IrishGal** · 07-19-2010 11:38 AM

Yea I'm def going to speak with my husband about trying for babies sooner. Even though I do feel jealous that my friends get to experience motherhood before me, but at the same time I'm so happy for them because i know shes gonna be a great mom. I told her I would always be there for her if she needed help.. shes lost a lot of friends since she started dating her bf (babys father) and i think this baby is gonna make things worse for her in that area. My friend also lost her mother a year ago.. so she runs her household and takes care of her father and sisters by herself.. so to throw a baby on top of that.. and working 50 hours a week.. shes gonna be busy. So i told her i would always be supportive and help her if she needed it. I am jealous, but i have no problem putting that aside and just being happy for her!

**stressed** · 07-20-2010 03:12 AM

The easiest thing one can do is to have a baby. The hardest is to raise it in the right environment with two loving parents. Maybe your husband wants to wait because he doesn't feel he's at the stage in life when he can give everything for his family, maybe he wants to work harder to prepare the best environment for his family. Your friends had unplanned pregnancies and even though they may become the best moms they do sound as if they have a lot going on in their lives, which may not make it ideal for their children.

You are 25, you definitely have A LOT of time to spend with your husband before you start having such huge responsibilities. Enjoy each other while it lasts, because once you have a family everything will change. Also, don't let your husband feel as if you want a family more than you want him, as it will make him feel a little bit used.

I say all that because I'm on the other side of this, where my fiance talks about having children but I'm just not ready for a family yet, I have a lot more to do for myself until then. And I'm also 25.

**jns** · 07-20-2010 06:36 PM

It's the easiest thing one can do is to have a baby, unless you cannot. After a number of trips to the doctor, we found out my wife had scarred tubes that could not transport the eggs. The doctor speculated that she had had PID as a teenager. We inquired about IVF. It cost $20k in the US and had a 30% chance of succeeding. It cost $10k in the Thailand and had a 20% chance of succeeding. It required using drugs for causing super ovulation: those drugs increased the chance of ovarian cancer. My wife decided against it due to the increased cancer risk. Sometimes ttc is not enough.

**archerygirl** · 07-24-2010 01:40 AM

All of my friends are having babies or pregnant as well. I am 24 years old and have been married for one year. My husband and I have decided to start trying to conceive. I am irregular and since going off birth control in Sept. 2009 my periods have been variable. I was just put on progestrone to try and get my period to become regular. My husband and I have talked about this multiple times and are ready to start our family. I understand the jealousy, but at the same time I am able to move past it and be supportive for my friends. It will happen for each of us when it is time. I have found the more I stress about it, the harder it is making it for me.

**Alishbah** · 07-24-2010 07:50 AM

Don't be jealous from anyone.You and your hubby discuss it seriously and concern any gyn.
Best of luck

**sourpuss** · 07-24-2010 07:56 AM

I agree with stressed.

Also, it seems the easiest thing to do it get pregnant when you're not trying. I don't think I know anyone who has kids who was actually trying. I've known so many people who have tried for months, some even years and nothing and then as soon as they gave up, boom....pregnant.
If you're using the pull out method, you'll definitely get pregnant (if everything with both of you is in working order). BUT, I do think you should discuss it with your husband before that happens. He must be ok with it happening if he's not using protection, right? If he really does want to wait, then you two should be using some sort of BC. I think if you just have a conversation about it, you'll feel better. Sounds like he just wants to wait until you're both ready. And maybe if you know for sure that he does want to have kids in the future you'll not feel so jealous about others.