Ever feel that you tried too hard NOT to get pregnant??

**LeanaBrook** · 09-15-2010 08:25 PM

Here I am... 29 and recently out of a 4 year relationship... prior to that a 3 year relationship... and prior to that a 3 year! Now I'm single, AGAIN, and face dating in my 30's. I had some pretty great boyfriends... or at the very least good men that would make great fathers. I feel like I spent 10 years having sex making sure we were safe so not to have pre-marital pregnancy... then the relationships would fail... and now Im 30 and alone! I am actually at the point where I feel that I tried too hard not to get pregnant. Ya, i'd be a single mom... but at least i'd be A MOM!!!
AND NOW... Any man that I seem to be interested in already has kids so it wouldve been just fine for me to have one of my own. Maybe Im in the wrong forum... just wanted to read pregnant stories to torture myself I guess.

**Mes T** · 09-15-2010 08:29 PM

You're 29, you've got time!

If you want a baby it'll happen!

**laulau** · 09-15-2010 08:45 PM

I am a nanny and the family that I worked for just had a new born baby... The mother? 40! As Mes_T said you've plenty of time! Children are great, really great but being single can open some very exciting doors too... Especially before you start having to do the whole "Mum" thing, which from what I can see through my work seems very bloody awesome!

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-15-2010 11:12 PM

As a single mom raising a child on my own I can tell you that its nothing I would reccomend doing on purpose, as it would be rather selfish ... I mean no offense by that, and no attempt to insult your wish that you had gotten pregnant even if the relationships didn't work out. But babies are babies for minutes, days that go by so fast and then they are small children... in school watching their classmates dads play with them in park and asking where theirs is, why doesn't their dad love them. Its a breaking situation to deal with... trust me.

My son is happy and well adjusted and Its not that I think no other woman is capable or up to the task... but if there is any part of you that thinks you did the wrong thing by not having babies with the men things didn't work out with -- don't think that. You did the right thing not getting pregnant until not only you were ready, but the man you were going to be co-parent with was ready as well.

Of course life happens, people who you think will be there for you vanish sometimes and its not what anyone wants but it is what is. But I think you should not be in regret that you are now not a single mom raising a child on your own.. because you still have 10+ years to have am an enter your life that shares the same vision of the future as you do... and thats a long time.

Please don't think I am being belittling when I say that you should get a pet if you want something to love, or become a foster parent, or volunteering some time with children that don't have much that you could give love and hope to.... but those might be some steps you can take to help you get through these baby blues, and will give you somthing to love and give all your good nature to... until the time is right, the man is right and everything alligns right for you to enter motherhood with a clear concsience knowing you are giving your baby the best shot at happienss.

Like I said, I've known moms , myself included that didn't set out to be single moms... but life had other plans for them (me) and would not regret a moment of the decions that lead bringing the the life into the world that they cherish more than anything in the world. But when my son gets teary eyed, though rare, when talking about a friends dad that is so cool etc.. it tears my heart to tiny bits.

**WildChild** · 09-15-2010 11:29 PM

If you are thinking that motherhood will keep you from being alone or be a substitute for a committed relationship with a man, I have to disabuse you of the idea. A child is a huge responsibility. They are their own people and are not your friend nor a replacement for a lover. They will and should grow up and lovingly leave home.

Being a wife should not be a life goal. It should be the result of loving a man with whom you want to spend a lifetime. Motherhood should be choice, carefully weighted and consciously chosen with the understanding that it is indeed a lifelong committment of giving selfless love.

I'm a single mom and I can tell you that it is huge responsibilty and committment. It will make relationships less likely, not more likely.

**LeanaBrook** · 09-16-2010 01:42 PM

Thank you everyone for your responses... I do want to thank "Hopeless ..." (dont want to finish your name being it was a very insightful response) and Wild Child! Mes_T and laulau, you are RIGHT I do HAVE TIME... and I need to focus on that. Plenty of women have healthy babies in their 30's... I guess for so many years we were told that 34 is when you need to start taking caution getting pregnant. And being someone who wants more than 1... that puts me in danger zone.
Hopeless... i did NOT by any means take your suggestions as belittling... I have a horse and I have TWO dogs to fill the need of nurturing. I have thought about fostering. I know there are a lot of babies who need temp/perm homes. I may look into it. I guess coming from a small town where everyone gets married and has their babies in teens and 20's makes a 30 year old, such as myself, evaluate my life and the choices I've made. Maybe thats just a part of turning 30... who knows.
I look at my mother who has had THREE failed marriages but who now has "THREE best friends from it". She says my two brothers and I are her best accomplishment and wouldnt change a thing because of having us. See i WOULD change a thing if I end up alone...!!
Anyway, I truly appreciate the responses and I do realize that I have some issues to work out. I would never deliberately going out and getting pregnant. I know there are many babies and children that need homes so why bring another father-less or mother-less child into the world.
And by the way... THIS is beautiful..... " Being a wife should not be a life goal. It should be the result of loving a man with whom you want to spend a lifetime. Motherhood should be choice, carefully weighted and consciously chosen with the understanding that it is indeed a lifelong committment of giving selfless love. "