25 - pregnant- soo confused

**aimz** · 11-29-2010 01:05 PM

okay I really just need some opinions from people on the outside of my situation. I've been with my boyfriend for awhile, we live together and love each other very much. he is 24 im 25. I just found out 2 days ago that im prego. Probly no more than 2 or 3 weeks along. We werent trying, but clearly not being very careful either. Now im facing the hardest situation ive ever been in.
Basically my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion. He told me he will stay with me regardless and loves me, the decision is mine, but he is not going to be happy if i choose to keep it. And doesnt want to just be with me because of the baby. This makes me feel like, horrible, i dont even know the words. I love him so much, and i dont want to lose him Or make him unhappy, but i dont feel like an abortion would be the right thing to do. But i dont want to lose the love of my life either. I feel like if im preg., it happened for a reason. My mom and my sister, both live across the country from me, pretty much told me if I do have an abortion, they're going to basically dis-own me. They are really the only family i Have. Which i also dont agree with, i feel like they should support whatever decision i make. They dont, they dont believe in abortion. I am beyond heartbroken. I just need someone one to lend a little advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 01:19 PM

You have some time to think this through. It is a BIG decision, but you need to do what you feel is the right thing for you to do. Either way, it won't be easy. Having an abortion can be a very emotional experience and you need to be sure that this is the decision you want before you do it or you may have problems coming to terms with it.

You need to talk to him some more, again, you have time. Are you in a position to have a baby? Could you support this child?

If you truly feel that you could not have an abortion, you could also look into adoption. There are many couples out there that have tried to have a baby unable to do so and would love to give this one a good home. Explore options for adoption. Again, this would give the two of you some more time and you and/or he may end up changing your minds and decide to keep the baby for your own.

Good luck on your decision. Hugs!

**caterpillar79** · 11-29-2010 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by aimz

....Basically my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion. He told me he will stay with me regardless and loves me, the decision is mine, but he is not going to be happy if i choose to keep it. And doesn't want to just be with me because of the baby. This makes me feel like, horrible, i don't even know the words...

He's not really giving you a choice, does he, as he won't be happy if you choose to keep the baby. How hypocritical of him to say, "he'll stay with you regardless and loves you". If he doesn't want to be with you because of the baby, then let him do what makes him feel better. He is confused and panicky right now, give him some time.

Originally Posted by aimz

... i don't feel like an abortion would be the right thing to do. ...

There's your answer. Stand by your beliefs and stay firm. If he doesn't come around, you know for sure he is not the best man for you and your baby.

Aside from your concerns over your family and your BF, are there any reasons as to why you'd consider terminating/pursuing it? i.e. Job security, studies, hospital bills, meds and care, health issues, etc.?

**aimz** · 11-29-2010 02:34 PM

Thank you both for your replies. I know theres time to think it threw, but the emotions im feeling, and the constant crying, is not making the time easy. Im not making a decision until i know im ready to, but its still so hard. I could go ahead and have the baby, and hope he comes around. Or abort the pregnancy and hope I made the right choice. I never wanted to have kids.. i musta said it a million and 1 times in my life. I shoulda been more careful. I feel sorta like its a lose lose situation. but now that i know its there, its not as easy of a decision as i once thot it would be, to abort it.
As of right now, i have my education, no job.. but lots of prospects.. (last job was a lay off pretty recently) but i still have income, he has a great job with great benefits, really good pay. So I know financially we would be okay. For him, i think, he just isnt ready to settle down with a family. We both partied alot.. now i cant .. and im okay with it.. he doesnt want to stop. He feels he is too young.
I said to him.. "i know it will be hard but i know we can do it" and his response to me was " being able to and wanting to are two different things."
hmm, writing this down and getting feedback is helping. I do believe the only reason im concidering terminating the pregnancy.. is because i know its what he wants me to do and i dont want to lose him. But saying it out loud, it doesnt sound right. I guess, i feel like if i Keep the baby, and we break up.. itll be all my fault, that i lost him. on the other hand , i could keep the baby and he might come around. ? so confused. I Dont want to be a single mother.. knowing i could have waited and had it all. :s

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 02:56 PM

It is very emotional and raw right now. I know. You have a million thoughts and questions racing through your mind. You have come to the right place here and you will find support here.

Go to the Dr, if you can and at least have an exam to find out how far along you actually are. Take care of yourself. If the ONLY reason you are considering termination is because it's what he wants, it's time to reevaluate some things. When two people don't agree, it will be hard, IMO, you need to look at it from worst case scenario at that point. If he doesn't come around, if you keep the baby, do you have the support network that you need?

You said you never wanted kids, what was his opinion on that? Is he in the never wanting kids camp too?

**hoops** · 11-29-2010 03:14 PM

There are many "what ifs" as you weigh your decision, but it is difficult to forecast what will happen in the future. Deciding for an abortion now does not guarantee a blissful married life with your bf just as deciding against an abortion now does not guarantee bliss with your mom and sister down the road. Ultimately, through all the emotion of the moment, you will need to make a very personal and difficult decision.

While I am very much pro-choice, I am also a proud father to an adopted child. As Lanabear already mentioned, I hope that you keep that as an option in your thinking process.

While becoming a parent at 25/26 is young by today's trends, being a 26 year old mother has benefits over being a mom at 35.

Just some quick thoughts. I am sorry to hear that you are in this difficult situation but am sure that you will make the right choice for yourself. Really, only you can decide.

**caterpillar79** · 11-29-2010 03:35 PM

How ironic does life get? When I was in my late teens - early 20s, I just wanted a baby, raise him by myself and stay with my mom so I can take care of her as well. It didn't happen though. I married young, whereas, I could've just stayed on my own and raised my son with my mom. Then i got divorced and remarried...another story of sorts.

I agree with Lana. Worst case scenario is what you should be ready for. If he comes around, the danger would be that he'd love his child but might develop some resentment over you. Not saying it WILL, just might... definitely get a pre-natal check - up and let the doctor give you options. Take it from their. When you're feeling ready to do so, ask your family about their input for you to consider.

Please do not base your decision on how you feel. Emotions are fleeting and would change from time to time. Try no matter how hard, to be logical and rational as you weight your situation and course of action.

**aimz** · 11-29-2010 03:37 PM

Thanks I really appreciate the response. Im deff. on an emotional rollercoaster right now.

Neither of us felt ready to get pregnant, I always said I didnt want to.. but I think deep down I did.. just not this soon.. i wanted to be married and have a baby when we were both ready for this to happen. He had the same opinion. And now, theres this teeny tiny thing in my belly.
He is telling me, he will support me and wont leave. but also says how unhappy he will be if we have it. At the same time I know he has a soft heart and is emotional too.
Your right hoops, there is no guarantee no matter which route i take. I have a feeling, if i have the baby, there would be greif if he left, but no regrets, b/c I Know i would love our baby with or without him. Then, on the other hand, I cant say a hundred percent that I wouldnt regret aborting it.

I honestly beleive everything happens for a reason.. Maybe, it was time for me to stop partying so much.. maybe if i would of continued to wait till i was older it would be too late. And i'm pretty sure, that a baby is about the only thing that would settle me down.

Im trying to get into see a doctor as soon as i can.. I moved here a year ago and never bothered to switch my health care over to this province.. and now i have to wait until i get that sorted out before i can get a doctor. hopefully by the end of this week ill have it taken care of.

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