please help! baby fever !

**lovelyLilly777** · 02-09-2011 10:08 PM

hello all I'm nearly 30 and my body clock is ticking madly. my fiancee is 3 years my junior and is forever unsure of wanting kids. I'm so confused as i don't know what to do if he is still weird about it when i do turn 30 at end of the year. i feel horrible for. saying it but i feel live i could leave him if he does not agree to. it cause that's how much i want a baby. currently I'm on the pill . please give me advice! thank you xxx

**rcoreyus** · 02-09-2011 10:57 PM

Its OK to end a relationship if you disagree on something as fundamental as children. In fact it is much much better than to force one of you to live with a decision on this that you don't want - something they might regret for the rest of their lives.

**CandieBear** · 02-10-2011 07:41 PM

Wanting a baby, is something a woman wants. I'm 25 and my clocks been ticking for years! My boyfriend is 4 years younger.. and we've discussed it.. although its early in life for him. I'm terrified to wait... I know birth defects increase after 30... My boyfriend is 21 years old and willing to make that big of a sacrafice for me!

You need to talk to him.. and if he doesnt want what you want.. You have to find someone who wants what you want or is willing to comprimise... Unfortunatley for women.. we are born with our eggs.. so once we reach 30... that child is already "30 years" old. And waiting too much longer .. is not good. I hope this helps.. and i hope that he gets his act together!

**lovelyLilly777** · 02-11-2011 02:32 AM

thank you so much it has helped. i don't want to be manipulative about it and i don't wanna find someone new cause I'm running out of time! what if i don't find happiness with someone else? i believe he's my soul mate so i only want kids to him x

**lovelyLilly777** · 02-11-2011 02:41 AM

i will be 30 in October and my partner just turned 26. i really want to fall pregnant before i turn 30 but he says he's not ready but then sometimes he says he feels like something is missing meaning a child as we had an abortion 4 years ago. i feel we have been grieving ever since. how do i tell him i must have a child ? should i be selfish because my body is telling me now is the time? i dont want to wait for when it suits him

**Mod moved to essentially the same post created a couple of days ago**

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-11-2011 06:18 AM

If you don't mind the possibility of raising your baby alone... then no, pay no attention to what he wants. I mean, I understand you have grief, I understand you want a baby... but think about what you are saying. What if it were you that was not ready to have a baby, not ready at all and your partners, was like... nah, who cares what she wants... I want what I want... and tricked you into getting pregnant (removing the condom during sex, or some other deception).

You're talking about the life of a child, who will only be a baby for a blink of they eye... who will be seeking love and approval from both of its parents... don't you want your child to be able to look up at his father and feel wanted, to know that he wanted him -- when you push a baby on a man that has clearly stated he isn't ready there is a chance he will not bond or feel connected... there is a chance he will resent the child.

Accidents happen, and people have babies unplanned and find the surprise of a lifetime to be the best thing to have ever happened to them -- but it doesn't always work that way. And when he has told you clearly that he isn't ready... you going on ahead, is not just about a baby... its about not working as a team to decide whats best for you as a couple -- his feeling decieved may impact your entire relationship.

If you really think the time is now, talk to him about it. Get him on the same page with you, or compromise to whatever page he is on for when he thinks its the right time... but I think it would be a really bad move to force a baby on a man that isn't ready and cross your fingers hoping he 'gets ready'... for the future child/teenager...who will be an adult 100x longer than they will be a baby -- if you have it in your power to give them the best opportunity for love an acceptance...why not do that, rather than start things off on a sneaky foot.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-14-2011 09:08 AM

You're ready to be pregnant. You're ready to have a sweet soft little baby. But are you ready to raise a child, into a teenager, into an adult........alone? Alot of women want to be pregnant but aren't considering the child, just like they want to be engaged and aren't considering the marriage.

You should never force someone in to having a baby. But you already know that.........

**lovelyLilly777** · 02-15-2011 01:23 PM

so should i wait until he's ready in about 50 years ? then it will be safe to have a baby at 89. meanwhile resenting him everyday for denying me children

**rcoreyus** · 02-15-2011 01:36 PM

I know this is tough and you want a baby, but it really is a terrible thing to do to force someone into having a child. You are committing them to spending the rest of their lives being responsible for that child (responsibility doesn't end when the child is 18). Some people want to have children and it is the best thing that ever happened to them. For others it is the worst.

A thought: Take in a foster child for 6 months (you can do this as "shelter" foster care - this is short term care, not a multi-year commitment). You will be doing a good deed and will find out if you and your fiancee really want children. My wife and I did this some years back, and although she originally was sure she wanted children, after this experience both of us agreed we absolutely did not want them.

The other option is to find someone else. You worry that you will not be happy with someone else, but believe me, if you force your fiancee to have a child that he doesn't want, you will never be happy - he will never forgive you.

Life is difficult, and it isn't fair. Sometimes we can't have things no matter how much we want them.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 02-15-2011 02:32 PM

There is nothing wrong with sitting down and having a conversation. Tell him how you truly feel. That you want a family and that you want one with him (if that is the case). Let him know that if he does not see this as part of his life in the next couple of years that you will have to do some serious thinking. Marriage and family are a serious decision and it can be overwhelming for some.

When I became pregnant with my first I was 30, she was not planned and while my love and I had known each other for years we had only been together 2 years and living together just over a year (our 1st year together was long distance). We had just gone through a rough patch where I almost left because he had become indifferent. (turned out he had never been in a relationship that long and figured I would dump him soon... Silly man) Anyhow... when I found out I was expecting I told him he could choose to be there or not. He had always said he was not sure if he wanted kids. I said I could do it on my own but I needed to know soon so I could plan. (oh yeah I was 1000 miles from family and friends too). For us it has worked out and just had our 10th anniversary. It has not been a bed of roses but we work through things.

Oh and yes I had had baby fever for a while but I would never have gotten pregnant on purpose! He knew I had gone off the pill for a while and it was him that decided not to put the condom on the particular time in question.