resentful of pregnancy

**belinda_davis** · 05-01-2011 06:25 PM

hi everyone,
i will be 30 weeks pregnant on friday. quite frankly i've had enough. i want this thing out of me. i've been suffering a lot with my schizophrenia and depression lately and i don't know how much more of this i can handle. and the worst thing is that i'm starting to resent this little person growing inside of me.
i'm not coping that well and i don't know what to do. i don't want to be feeling angry and hurt and frustrated with my little baby...
it probably doesn't help that i'm stuck at home alone with plenty of time to think about things.

**caterpillar79** · 05-01-2011 06:40 PM

You need to seek professional help. Do you have family close by or close friends who can support you emotionally? Do you work? How is the father of your child helping you?n Do you take medicine for your depression? Please give us more details as it is difficult to give a better reply.

Hang on. We care about you.

Cat

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-01-2011 07:03 PM

You are having a tough time indeed, but we are here (LOTS of us!) to listen to you, to learn you, and to help you in any way we can. I do think, first and foremost that it's very important for you to talk with your doctor about what you're going through (schizophrenia, depression, feelings of resentment, etc). There are ways for women who battle those disorders to successfully go through a pregnancy and have a happy healthy baby. I want to say that I appreciate and admire your honesty in what you're feeling. I know it's not pretty, but the fact you're willing to say those things, to admit to them, it's a VERY positive thing.

I know you're tired, you feel bloated and fat and uncomfortable. But now is the time when you REALLY to get out of the house: take walks, go to lunch (doesn't matter if you go alone, I do it all the time...

), take a book to a local coffee shop where you can read and people watch, etc. If you have any girlfriends or acquaintances call them up to do things, same with family.

DOes your husband or boyfriend know what you're going through?

Like Cat said, We care about you and we are here for you.

**WildChild** · 05-02-2011 12:05 AM

As you draw closer to labor and birth you do start to feel that you are just ready to be done. This is a sign that you are getting close. Given your other concerns you should consult your doctor.

BD's advice to get out and about is good. You should be moving into the "nesting" phase before long. This is characterized by a desire to clean and organize just about everything in sight, this part of your instinctive preparation for birth so that all is ready and you will be able to focus on your baby later.

**belinda_davis** · 05-02-2011 08:47 PM

I take medication for both depression and schizophrenia, I've talked to my doctor and been referred to a mental health clinic as well. They said it's normal to feel overwhelmed about having the baby and all that other stuff. I can't do anything about it except distract myself etc. I go for walks quite often. I think one of the problems I'm having as well is that I live in the country and all my friends live in the city.
I started nesting yesterday and I'm feeling a lot better. I've pretty much organized the nursery and I've started packing things that I'll need to take with me when I go into hospital to have baby.
Also the mental health clinic have assigned me a child health nurse (I think that's what they're called) who will guide me through the last stages of pregnancy, give me info about the birthing process and be there to check up on me and baby once the birthing is over and I've gone home.
My husband is very supportive through all of this and mostly knows how I've been feeling. It's cutting him up a lot so I will encourage him to talk to someone about how he's feeling too.
Thanks so much for the support guys, I really apreciate it. I think I'll be alright for now but I'll certainly be back on here with updates!

**WildChild** · 05-02-2011 11:06 PM

Some women in the nesting stage will literally clean their homes from ceiling to floor, practically dismantle things to do it!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-03-2011 10:34 AM

So glad you're feeling better today.

**belinda_davis** · 05-03-2011 09:40 PM

i'm having another bad day today, i find that the catalyst for me feeling like is the fact that i can't escape. i really want to smoke and relax but i can't. every time i even think about it i burst into tears. then i start resenting the baby and it all just becomes one big mother effing mess.
i ended up calling mental health today and they told me i have to have someone with me at all times. in a way it sucks but in another way i could really use the company. being alone all the time really wears me down.
its strange that i'm having such a bad day today because it started off so well. i did all the dishes, hung out the washing and started making a bear for baby... then bang my mood changed into major distress. i hate being hormonal.

**caterpillar79** · 05-17-2011 08:14 AM

Aside from being "hormonal", you also have the smoking that you need to address. Whenever you feel like smoking, try to chew some mint.

I'm sorry you feel down. Stay on here with us, play around in the LOUNGE section of the forum and Tex will make you laugh.