Pregnant and crying over what to do

**ammd257** · 05-12-2011 12:28 PM

I recently found out that I was pregnant last Sunday. I'm 20 years old, I don't have a high school education and I'm currently unemployed. My boyfriend who is also 20 is working in the military as a private in the reserves, we barely make enough to make ends meet, pay the bills and rent and this recent discovery came as a shock and I'm having an extremely hard time coming to terms as to what I should do in my current situation. I've considered both options, going through with it and having an abortion and I've heard all the different 'speeches and lectures' per say, and I've taken both to heart and have been racking my brain over research and the future possibilities of do and don't. I'm leaning more towards keeping it right now, but my boyfriend although he says he would want it, is leaning more towards the other option. I understand fully where he's coming from when he says we can't take care of a kid at this point in our lives, but there's a part of me that's just hating the idea of killing my child, and then also dreading the fact that there's probably no way I could possibly make ends meet to live even remotely comfortably in todays society. As it stands, I'm approximately 2 months along based from the date of my last period. I haven't seen a doctor yet, and before I make that appointment I'm still trying to come to terms with an ultimate choice - which is the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my life in quite a while. Government assistance would only help me in the short term, and I don't want to have to be that person who needs to go to food banks and plead for money off of friends and close relatives just to get by... but I feel if I deny myself this chance that I'll regret it. It's all I've been able to think about, and I feel like I need some advice from women who know because the people I've been talking to prior have either condemned me for considering the option of abortion, encouraged me for considering the choice to raise it. Please help.

**LanaBear** · 05-12-2011 12:52 PM

Hi there...

You need to do what is right for you. It is a hard hard decision, I know this, I do. Are you fully capable of bringing up a child? Financially, emotionally? You are young and still have a life ahead of you, an education to obtain. It is not an easy task, raising a child.

There is a third option, however. Have you thought about adoption? If you don't think you could go through with an abortion, but yet, you don't feel you could raise a child and give him/her what you most want, there are many many other couples who cannot have children. Who would give anything to have a baby to call their own. Especially from a healthy mother, not a drug addict. You can meet with potential parents, etc.

Weigh all your options and make the right decision for yourself. It is such a hard choice and regardless of that choice a choice that will be with you for your life.

**Krazy_glu3** · 05-13-2011 12:42 AM

There are three options. Adopt, Adopt, and Keep it. I agree. If you cant do abortion, then why not look into adoption. Im also 20, and I have a 2 and 1 yr old. My husband is also in the military, except he is Active Duty. If you decide to keep the baby, maybe he could look into turning over to active duty? We are getting by fairly well for this economy. The only down side is, of course, deployments. Im currently in one right now.. Although having him away for so long sucks, he's able to serve his country, and support his family.
I personally wouldnt be able to do abortion. Im against it and wouldnt be able to do it. It sounds like you cant either. I wouldnt suggest it for you.. With how much stress it is for you just thinking about it, its going to be loads more when you actually do it.
I suggest looking into adoption and seeing how you like it. Theres closed and open adoption :]
Either way.. do whats best for you and the future baby. If you cant bring yourself to abort it, then find a couple who is willing to adopt the child. You will then be giving a couple a child that they want, and possibly cant have by themselves. You will also be doing whats best for your child, giving him/her a home in which s/he can be supported and thrive.
I wish you best of luck. I know this decision is hard

**Krazy_glu3** · 05-13-2011 12:42 AM

Haha I meant
Adopt, Abort, and Keep it ***

**Mes T** · 05-13-2011 08:00 PM

Before I post I should tell you that I'm not religious in any way and am of the opinion that at two months, what is inside of you is not a "baby" but a cluster of cells at best.

This is my personal opinion, and there are many who don't share it, at least not openly anyway.

However if this is NOT your opinion, then having the procedure could be very difficult on you emotionally.

I agree with the others that adoption would be a wonderful option to consider. An older, financially secure couple would love your baby like their own and would do everything in their power to give it the happiest life possible.

If you decide to keep this baby and raise it on your own, I would highly suggest enlisting the help of close family. Your parents, or your boyfriend's parents... Having a baby is more expensive than many of us realize, and the full financial weight of a child sometimes only hits after birth.

Of course it's not just about finances, either. A baby will change your life - likely no more going out, taking time off for yourself, having a nice soak in the bath... It's 24-hour responsibility.

Keep us updated on your thoughts, we're here for you.

**belinda_davis** · 05-16-2011 01:04 AM

Hey there, I'm 21 and I fell pregnant about 7 months ago. Me and my husband really wanted kids but we weren't in a financially stable situation. We thought long and hard about it for a long time. At the end of the day we sat down and asked ourselves which decision it was that we couldn't live with. The answer was a lot clearer after we asked ourselves which choice we could live with. I'm due to have a little girl any time now. I've never been so scared of anything in my life but I know in my heart that giving up my child or having her terminated would have destroyed me.
I know it's hard when money is tight, but if you really want to keep it you'll find a way to make it work. People always do. And there's no shame in having a termination if you think it's the right thing.
Let us know what you decide, it will be for the best, no matter what it is.

**ren_07** · 05-23-2011 09:17 PM

What I hate is that you have to decide so soon after finding out your pregnant with how abortions work. The window to legally do an abortion is small and most women don't even know they're pregnant until two months and they're faced with a life-changing decision within a matter of weeks

I feel you're pain greatly.

I have two close friends who had an abortion at some point in their lives. One was three months along and had a suction procedure. She's come to terms with everything very fine it seems but she had the support of her mother along the way. Not sure if you'll have that. Another friend of mine took the pill and she also is very happy and able to move on. It's a grief you carry with you, but it takes a strong woman to go thru with it. I have no doubt you have a good support system with your significant other here to help you if you choose this option.

Adoption is a marvelous option for the situation you're describing, but you must prepare yourself for the separation heartbreak you'll feel. But I think in the end you'd feel a sense of peace and pride knowing you did the right thing by giving her to someone to provide for her and brought a blessing into the world at the same time. It might be best to decide if you should rule out abortion first bc then you at least buy yourself some time until the baby is born to decide where he/she shall be raised.

It's an expensive procedure for an abortion, something else you might consider. Are you able to financially pull that much money together at one time right now?

**Soapgirl** · 05-25-2011 10:31 AM

I'm sorry you are going through this I hope you find the answer

**Soapgirl** · 05-25-2011 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by Mes T

Before I post I should tell you that I'm not religious in any way and am of the opinion that at two months, what is inside of you is not a "baby" but a cluster of cells at best.

This is my personal opinion, and there are many who don't share it, at least not openly anyway.

Before I make this post I should say that I work at a women's health center as a counselor
I'm not trying to start anything by this post, but just trying to give facts. You are wrong in saying at two months gestation a human embryo is just a cluster of cells. At 8 weeks or 2 months gestation a embryo has a heartbeat, a head, arms, and legs. In fact fingers, and toes are starting to form, as well as eyelids and ears.
Again I'm not trying to start anything and I'm sorry if I have upset you. And I'm not trying to say your opinion on abortion is wrong. I just have known a lot of women who have had abortions and didn't know all the facts. And when they learned that by 6 weeks a embryo has a heartbeat, they have regretted their choice because they were under the impression that it was just a cluster of cells, and didn't have a heartbeat. I have also known women, on the other side who had an abortion and never thought twice about it.

To the person who made this post, you said something about you hated the idea of killing you child. If you truly believe that the embryo inside you is a child, then an abortion might be really difficult on you.

You are in a very heartbreaking situation and I hope you are able to come to a decision that you can live with. At the end of all this that is all that matters. Which ever choice you make will be hard. My advice to you, is stop taking advice. You seem to be handling this situation very maturely. You have have thought about your options and the consequences of both. So who cares if one person tells you that abortion is wrong, and who cares if someone tells you can't raise a baby right now, or that adoption is too hard.All that matters is what you think and feel This is your choice and yours alone,you are the one who has to make it and you have to live with it. So just take a day or two to yourself, and honestly go with what you heart tells you. Nobody else matters. I wish you the best of luck

**starjoy08** · 05-31-2011 03:52 PM

I have been in your shoes. I have had an abortion and I think about it every day. I regret what I did because I would have made a good mother but it was the wrong time for me and my husband. But I am thankful for having the opportunity I had. If I had my baby my life would be very different and I truly believe I would have lived in poverty the rest of my life. I may regret what I did but it was the right decision for me and my husband.
You have to decide what to do and live with it!! Think about adoption!! Good Luck