wants a baby, but hubby hardly ever has sex with me

**brunettebabe** · 07-01-2011 11:44 PM

My husband and I are wanting to have our first baby, but there a few problems preventing this from happening. 1. Hubby hardly ever has sex with me. We do it once about every two weeks. He has always has reasons for not doing it. He puts it off numerous times before he finally does it with me. He always says he can't do it because of work or because of his work out regimine and a bunch of other things. 2. We've been trying for like four years now without any success so one of us must have problem. He claims that I should still be able to get pregnant even though we do it once every two weeks. Since nothing has happened yet he blames everything on me. 3. He wont get checked to see if something wrong with his sperm. He confident nothing should be wrong with it. Help

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-02-2011 12:02 AM

1. Are you sure he really wants a baby? 2. Are all your attempts at sex purely to have a baby?

If you are both on the same page about truly wanting a baby, let the baby talk go and try to relax and just enjoy him... inniciate sex because you WANT his body and want him to want yours... if you have taken all the sexy out of sex and made it all about getting pregnant... it could lead to him losing interest in it... know what I mean? Was he always distant sexually or only since you've been trying to have a baby?

And I doubt either one of you can be sure you have a 'problem' when you're only having sex twice a month to get pregnant.. thats not really enough of an effort put forth to determain somethings biologically wrong.

I think most couples get pregant when they stop worrying about it, work on your emotional connection to him, your intimacy with him... outside of just doing it for a baby and see if that doesn't increase your sex life, thus increasing your odds for what you both want: a baby.

**Mes T** · 07-02-2011 04:04 AM

In addition to the above, I think your husband sounds very ignorant of the whole baby-making process. Maybe you two can read a book on fertility, or take a class, or something. You need to be aware of when your body is actually fertile and when it isn't.

I think a lack of education on the subject may be playing a big role right now. Very, very unfair of him to be blaming you for anything at this point.

**Little** · 07-02-2011 06:56 AM

Forget about the baby for a minute. Are you getting enough sex to fill your needs in this relationship? If he wants a child, but won't even have sex often enough to make one, imagine what it will be like when you don't have a "reason" to do the deed!
It sounds like he just doesn't want to have sex at all, and is only blaming you for not being pregnant to derail you from the real issue.

**Cheyenne** · 07-02-2011 09:46 AM

I agree with the others. If he's only willingly having sex with you twice a month, it sounds like he doesn't want to have a baby. I agree with Hopless, if you two aren't on the same page; emotionally or physicaly, you're thinkinh about other things, anf you more than likely won't get pregnat.

Try and pick a fertility book or something like that. It sounds like to me that you're ready for a baby, but you're husbands not. I would talk to your husband before trying to get pregnet again. It's not fair to you for wanting to have a baby and he try and blame everything on you, when you didn't do anything wrong in my oppinion.

**FortunsFoole** · 07-02-2011 10:40 AM

This is really unfair for him to be putting all the blame on you. Two times a month, even over four years, sounds to me like you are probably missing your fertile window. Before most doctors will do fertility testing one of the first questions is how often you are having sex. It's usually suggested to do the deed every other day when trying for a baby. Especially if you aren't aware of when you usually ovulate and/or there are no underlying issues like a low sperm count. It would be easy to miss that fertile window only having sex two-ish days a month. There's an excellent book regarding fertility called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Shows you all about charting and monitoring your fertile signs so you can figure out when you are ovulating and are most fertile. It's only a few days each cycle you can get pregnant. But that book has all sorts of information that you could share with your husband on why this may not be happening.

Has sex always been this frequent, or has it gradually decreased over time? Sometimes trying for a baby over a long period of time the sex becomes a "job" more than something enjoyable shared between partners. How are you two together as a married couple? Do you feel that he truly wants to have a baby?

Seems there *might* be other issues that are manifesting themselves in your sex life.

**brunettebabe** · 07-02-2011 06:43 PM

Our sex is just not for baby making. Its of course also for intimacy, love, closeness, and all that other stuff. His sex drive decreased slowly over time. I try to do all kind of things to try to make him horny and it does get him going, but he says that we wont do anything and will do another time. I try to talk to him about the whether or not he really wants a baby. He says that he does want one. I just need to get pregnant. If someone were ask me to describe my sex life I would say its almost non-existant. I am used to him constantly putting it off, but at the same time it will make me upset for time to time.

**brunettebabe** · 07-02-2011 06:51 PM

I get upset because I want to feel loved. Other than this he is a great husband

**WildChild** · 07-02-2011 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by Tara43

I get upset because I want to feel loved. Other than this he is a great husband

Please share, what is great about a man with whom you do not feel loved?

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-03-2011 12:35 AM

Originally Posted by Tara43

I get upset because I want to feel loved. Other than this he is a great husband

Ack.. I think I get what you are saying... but re-read your words to see the reaction anyone else would have to what you just said. I'm sure you mean he provides, helps around the house, is loyal etc... but making you feel loved is by far the most crucial componant to him 'being a good husband'. Is he affectionate? Does he compliment you? Does he try to make you feel good in ANY way? Emotionally? Sexually? Physically? (huggs/backrubs etc)?

As for his lack of drive... is he on any medications? Is he a heavy drinker or drug user? Is there a possiblity that he is depressed? Does he have any physical ailments or injuries? Whats his overall health like? Is he in shape? How old is he? Does he masturbate frequently(some men think masturbation and sex with a partner are two different componants of their drive... they might masturbate and wonder why don't have a 'sex drive' not realizing its cause they already 'blew it' pardon the pun :P)