Im 18, single, and pregnant, HELP!

**Little** · 07-19-2011 09:52 AM

If money's not an issue and you know you can do it, sounds like he's the only problem.
Put some distance between you and the relationship. Look at it objectively. Is he really a "bad person" or did he just do "bad things?" Did he have a good side? Was he good with other family? Would you ever be able to trust him with your child?
Could you consider discussing this with him?
I do not at all condone you getting back with him, even if you decide that he was a good person doing bad things.
I do think that, in the event you conceal his paternity, you will run into problems with your child later in life. People react to family secrets in funny ways.

**leezard** · 07-19-2011 11:05 AM

I don't think there's any reason to lie to your child once it gets older -- that could for sure cause issues. But getting him out of your life, if you think it necessary, might mean having to lie to him. It all depends on what YOU want. If you want him out of your life forever, tell him it's not his and he won't have a reason to stick around.

If you want your baby to know who the father is, however, blunt honesty might be the best solution (but NOT the easiest!!)

"The baby is yours, but I don't want you in my life."

It's risky, it's hard, but you have to be consistent in whichever decision you make, because the more times you change your mind, the harder it will get. But if you stick to your guns, it will get easier after awhile....

**melaniegallacia** · 07-19-2011 05:52 PM

a baby will make him a part of your life forever, but that does not mean he will be in your life forever. Whatever decision you make, good luck

**Jay.Bay** · 07-20-2011 05:28 PM

Since this is semi annonymous Ill tell you what he really does that makes him a bad person... hes a drug dealer, he beats people up ALL THE TIME, he deals with guns, he robs houses, thats what he is. Not to mention the fact that he has no respect for women once so ever. He has a good side... I guess? But that side rarely comes out. He has a nephew that is a year and a half and he takes good care of him, I guess when he sees him. Not like he watches him alone or anything. No I couldnt trust him with my child. I know the people he hangs out with and Im not ok with him having my baby around them. Plus he has ALOT of enemys. How do I know that one day hes driving around with the baby say to the store and someone sees him who he has issues with and they shoot the car up or run him off the road. My babys in that car. And I ended up telling him I was pregnant. I told him yesterday... He says hes going to be a good father. And he wants to be apart of the babys life. I respect that. But... he is now hooked on bars... idk if you know what that is but its zanies. He drinks all the time, he just is constantly undersome kind of influence. He is a worse perosn than before. I almost regret telling him, because now I wish I could lie and say the baby isnt his... He asked me to stay the night so we could talk because I worked all day, so I tried it... He had me up ALL night because he was on bars. He would go from crying to screaming at me. He punched himself in the face and really messed his eye up because I was trying to leave... All he cared about was who I was with and what I was doing while we werent together. I didnt end up leaving becuase I just wanted him to stop hurting himself. And I didnt know what to do. He was, at one poin,t trying to get us back together and I just kept saying how I cant commit to anything right now. Maybe if he can prove to me he is a different person we can try and make things work. But then he would say how Im a and he cant be with me... Which I wasnt trying to be with him, just be respectful and letting him know he has a baby on the way. I probably shouldnt have said all this... But idk who else to go to and what else to do. My dr appointment is in the morning and he was supposed to go but I told him he doesnt have to because idk if I really want him too... This is alot to take in I understand... And I know how dumb I look. But happens... Cant go back now. Im so confused!

**leezard** · 07-20-2011 06:00 PM

Confused happens, and it will eventually straighten out.

In all honesty, for the safety of your baby at the very least, I personally strongly believe that he should not be much involved in your life. It doesn't take much for someone to get angry with him for who knows what (bad deal, bad batch, missed appointment, spilled milk....) and they'll go looking for ways to get even.

I also believe you should call his bluff -- if he hits himself, he's trying to manipulate you and in this case it worked. Next time, just leave -- and hopefully you have a cell phone to call 911 if he chases after you. USE IT if you feel it is necessary. I realize this is easier said than done, but leek at in in the sense that what he does to himself is his own fault, and that you ARE allowed to make decisions without him.

I hope everything works out alright. I'm fortunate to never have been in a situation like this, but I have helped several people in this kind of situation, and it's tough on EVERYONE involved.

The best thing to focus on is your baby, and imagine what kind of life s/he will have with the father in your life.... or without the father in your life. What would make YOU happy will, in the long run, make your baby happy, it's just trying to figure out where each road will take you....