Ugh... Abortion.

**Krazy_glu3** · 08-03-2011 04:23 PM

I dread writing this post more than I did about asking if I should leave my husband. Heres the problem...
Me and my husband havent been doing so well, and I've had enough of it so I'm planning on getting a divorce. The bad part is that two weeks ago I gave in and had sex with my husband. I wanted to and didnt want to because Im SO mad at him, but I had gone a whole month with no sex. We didnt use protection, which is dumb I know. I told him he should use a condom. He said no and continued. I shouldve pushed more than two times to use one. Well after a while I was like 'what this?' and he gives me this innocent look and goes 'i dunno'. It was cum. I go 'ARE YOU FRIGGN SERIOUS!?' he goes 'it was only a little'. Yeah.. all it takes it ONE SPERM!!! I got mad an instantly ended it then and there. He wasnt happy about that and was like 'really?!?!' The next morning I go 'why didnt you use a condom like I asked?' he goes 'you never told me to'. Bull I told him 2-3 times that he really should use one. Then I go 'ok then, go buy me a Plan B pill.' he said 'no, because you arent going to get pregnant. It wasnt even that much.' I had my jaw dropped to give him that are-you-friggn-serious look. He was like 'what?' and continued washing the dishes. I was supposed to start my period today. And it hasnt happened yet. I havent even been spotting like I normally do beforehand. I also havent gotten a pregnancy test since I was going to wait to see if I missed my period. Thing is, I cant have another. I have two lil boys already, and me and my husband obviously arent going to work out and I dont need to have another baby. Im SO against abortions, but I really cant afford this baby. Adoption? I wouldnt be able to give up a baby that I carried and gave birth to. And I dont think my body can handle another baby so soon. Ive looked up info on abortions and just looking that stuff up had me bawling my eyes out. I dont know what to do. Its already going to be hard enough taking care of two lil boys by myself, I dont think I can do three. I dont know what to do. Im a wreck now. I havent talked to my husband yet because he isnt home. I need advice....
I know you will say 'you deserve it because you had unprotected sex' yeah I know. I also told him to use a condom, and I shouldve denied him sex until he had one on, I know that now and I feel guilty enough already. But him not telling me that he came inside me, or declining to wrap it up or buy me Plan B is just as bad right? Im not saying this is ALL his fault, I played a part too I know. Ugh Idk what to. Im against abortion, but I just cant afford to have another... and I dont think my body can handle another one so soon. :'[

**LanaBear** · 08-03-2011 05:23 PM

First of all, sweetie, nobody is going to tell you that you deserve this, that, or the other. That's not what we do here.

One thing... You need to calm down. Firstly, you do not even know yet if you are pregnant, so let's take a breather here. Second, yes, the two of you both played a part in it, what you should have done is neither here nor there right now.

You have three options, as you so stated, but I would try not to worry about those at this point until you know for sure if you are pregnant. Then, you can pro/con each option and try to figure out which one you feel in your mind and heart, that you could live with.

However, until then, let's start with the basics... Where were you at in your cycle when you had the unprotected sex?

**Krazy_glu3** · 08-03-2011 05:35 PM

I know I might be over-reacting, but I never start my period late. It's pretty much clockwork, haha. My husband doesnt get home for maybe another hour or two, so the time is killing me because he has our only car so I can't go to the store for a test.
Sadly I was at the worst part in my cycle, two weeks after my period. Smack dab between cycles.

**Shell86** · 09-02-2011 05:45 PM

I agree with LanaBear.

No one can say you deserve this because I bet at lest 90% of people have been in similar situations. We all make choices in life some not always the best ones hehe
(Myself included, I am 8 weeks pregnant and it was my own plus the Dads stupidity that landed us here)

But I think the first thing to do is get a test first, don't beat yourself up about anything.
If it does come back positive then think about what steps you will take from there.

I guess things to look at would be, could you live with yourself if you where to get an abortion? It appears just the thought of it is already tearing you up inside.
Adoption would be really hard but they have many options now for adoption, maybe have a look at open adoption? That way you still get to someone be apart of you babies life.

It's all food for thought.

**km13** · 09-12-2011 08:28 PM

Im in the same boat as you. My husband has started watching porn so much that we are lucky to have sex 1-2 times a month anymore. I've been trying to decide if I should stay with him or not, and my luck is, I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I cannot afford this baby on my own either, and I know I wouldn't be able to give a baby up for adoption after carrying him/her for 9 months. Good luck to you though. This is definitely one of the most difficult times in my life so I can imagine it's just as rough, if not more rough on you.

**SomiticPit** · 09-12-2011 09:31 PM

I don't think anyone is here to judge, but to help.
You are definitely not the only one who has ended up in those positions where: you ask the guy to put on a condom, and he doesn't. Cums and tried to say a little won't hurt (although I know they know better!) then pretends you didn't ask for the condom. Sounds like a couple of guys I have been with.

I know you say you are against abortion, but seeing as you gave it any consideration at all, I am going to try and share a couple of experiences of mine. You may decide otherwise, or you may stick to your opinions. I just want to help.

First off, wait about two days after your missed period. Don't freak on the same day it is missed. The fact that you are stressed about this whole ordeal may be whats causing your period to be late in the first place, rather than being late because you are pregnant. After a few days, go ahead and get a test to put your mind at ease.

If you find out you are pregnant, and you feel you just can't handle the cost of another baby, or giving up a baby once it is born, terminating the pregnancy might just be your best option. If you feel way too strongly about abortion, you can stop reading my reply now. I don't want to push the idea on you, but I do want you to have the option of hearing someone elses situation that could make you feel differently.

I have had TWO abortions. I wanted to keep both, but because of the other people in my life, I opened up my options and opted for an abortion. Without their opinions, outlooks, or feelings towards it I may have kept the babies, but I can say now I may not have been able to give them everything they needed at those times in my life. Regardless of my reasons for terminating, here is how my experiences went:

Both of my abortions were medical abortions. NOT surgical. This means that i went to a clinic early enough in my pregnancy (gestation 7 weeks) to be able to take a pill to stop the pregnancy. They gave me a pill at the clinic, which blocks the hormone progesterone from reaching the embryo and in turn keeps the pregnancy from progressing. I was given a second set of pills to take home. It was at home that I finished the abortions.

My first time around, I freaked. After taking the first pill at the clinic I decided an abortion was not the right choice. I did not take the second set of pills. A day later, while I was in bed, I felt a gush of something heavy in my panties. It was painless. A huge clot of tissue. I was no longer pregnant. I went to the doctor, who confirmed by ultrasound. I was sad and torn up, and felt disgusting in my own skin for awhile, but as the weeks following passed, I became better. Because I did not get so attached at first, it wasn't hard to let go. Of course, everyone processes their feelings differently.

Second abortion, I took the first pill at the clinic and took the second set of pills at home. The second set of pills triggered intense contractions that pushed out the embryo. It was very painful, and the naproxen (pain pills) they gave me did not help. But I was okay by the next day physically, although it did take a couple of weeks to process my feelings about what I did.

The initial sadness is hard, but it didn't take long for me to realize that it was probably the best thing for me. There are people who will hate me for my actions, those who are pro-life, but I'm pro-choice.

I am now 6 months pregnant with a baby boy and I feel like I made the best decision. I am in a stable relationship, I am older, I have made better life decisions...I feel like now I am able to be the best mom I can be.