Issues with upcoming Natural Insemination

**jns** · 08-05-2011 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by Experienced Donor

To JNS' point about taking turns: I wouldn't recommend it. A sizable number of our sperm are actually "killer sperm" that can recognize and attack the sperm of other males while letting our own seed pass. Needless to say, a sperm war inside you won't help your cause.

Per a Wiki article on sperm competition, "killer sperm" was not verified in subsequent studies after the first paper in 1996. What is your source if you have something recent?

**Audrey80** · 08-05-2011 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by Experienced Donor

I'd like to share some of my thoughts and advice as an experienced sperm donor...

Your husband is almost surely intimidated by your donor. In my dealings with couples, the dynamic between the husband and I usually feels like that between a popular high school senior and a nerdy freshman. From the very first meeting (i.e., "Hi, my name is ____, nice to meet you!"), he's adding in his mind: "... and I'll be impregnating your wife because you simply can't. I'll have a little fun, walk away and you'll nurture my biological child for the rest of your life." That's harsh, but it's exactly how I'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

I agree with Chandlers Wish; I don't see any upside to your husband witnessing the NI. Whether he admits it or not, he will compare himself with your donor in every conceivable way for the rest of his life. A few specific thoughts and questions to ponder....

1) Foremost on any guy's mind... What if he's bigger than your husband? We men are obsessed with penis size and a gifted donor would prove doubly humiliating to him.

2) An experienced natural donor is likely to perform well with a new partner from Day 1... Considering your husband's stamina, would it be healthy for him to see (or even hear) you and your donor engaged in vigorous intercourse for ten, fifteen or even twenty minutes? (10-20 minutes is optimum for semen quality.)

3) As a result of 1 and 2 above, what if you easily orgasm with your donor, perhaps multiple times? Now it's a triple whammy... The donor is hung, fertile and gets you off; your husband is none of those (at least in his own mind.) You may have a hard time keeping your actions or behavior (i.e., orgasm) under control thanks to the oxytocin release triggered by vaginal and cervical stretch receptors.

I can appreciate the guilt you may feel about orgasming with another partner, but (as you mentioned) climaxing will maximize your chances of pregnancy. It will actually dip your cervix into his semen; you can see this in action if you scroll to the 44:30 mark of the linked episode of The Human Animal by Desmond Morris. (Caution: It's a documentary and definitely doesn't shy away from anything.) Trying to suppress your arousal or orgasm with the donor will only be counterproductive in my opinion. *removed link*

To JNS' point about taking turns: I wouldn't recommend it. A sizable number of our sperm are actually "killer sperm" that can recognize and attack the sperm of other males while letting our own seed pass. Needless to say, a sperm war inside you won't help your cause. I recommend that couples abstain for several days before beginning a donor cycle.

My bottom line advice: Keep your husband out of the hotel room and preferably at home. If you can spend the whole weekend with your donor and without your husband, do so. Have a wild romp for a couple days, cum as freely as you like, and lie to your husband if the donor is great in bed. Better yet, agree on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about the weekend. That's the best formula for success in my humble opinion.

You really nailed my fears and his. He would die if he knew I was online talking about sexual comparison between him and the donor, thankfully he doesn't like the computer right now!
My mentioning of the donors size was not 'hopeful' on my part or unfounded, he made a few discreet remarks about it during the intitial interviews with him, but never to my husband. I no doubt sensed a little ego and confidence from him during the process, but nothing to put me off. Obviously a man who was not at least above average and good in bed, wouldn't be offering himself to women for natural insemination.

Here I am a few hours away from the first insemination and I've snuck online to talk about his penis size. Maybe I am worse than I thought.

Chandler, I am American but my mother is from Lille and I have spoken it since a child. I love Australia, have been a few times, so lovely there.

Well, I really don't have the time and am too nervous to write much. I'm meeting him for one glass of wine with my husband in the hotel bar, then me and the donor are going to the room, my husband is staying in the bar. I have told him it should be over in 30 minutes, but I don;t that it will, I really don't know what will happen, but I'm determined to keep it 'professional' and not indulge myself like it is a fling.

I am about to let this young attractive man put his baby in me because my husband cannot and I honestly don't know how I feel about it now that it is so close, but so much work and research and soul searching has gone into it that there is no getting scared now.

As far as running off? It will never happen. Will there be repercussions in our marital bed? Possible. Don't know if I will post this weekend, but thanks to all who read and commented on my post.

**Experienced Donor** · 08-05-2011 09:12 PM

Thanks for sharing that Audrey. Good luck this weekend and let us know how it goes.

JNS, Thanks for your post... I'll try searching the literature this weekend for some recent sources.

**Audrey80** · 08-07-2011 05:23 PM

Well here it is Sunday evening and I may be pregant with the donors baby, or maybe not, but he definitely wasn't exaggerrating about his seminal output, I don't see how I'm not.
My husband seems to be ok, he stayed at the bar friday night but last night he wanted to be in the room, the donor was ok with it and my husband was intent on watching but I was reluctant for him to see me have sex with him, as I had orgasmed a few times friday night and we had sex in positions other than missionary, which had been tentatively agreed on as the only position we would use. I also told him there would be no kissing but the donor embraced me and began kissing me as soon as we entered the hotel room friday night and I gave in, mostly because it made me feel more human and not like I was an object.
I also allowed him to give me oral which I felt guilty about, but honestly the more I think about it, myself and my husband were naive to think the impregnation could ever be sterile and mechanical with no passion. I wouldn't want my baby to be concieved like that anyway. Physical pleasure and sex cannot be seperated.
I know I sound like a guilty person trying to justify why I enjoyed having another man other than my husband.

So last night he sat in a chair across the room and the donor and I began under the sheets. I was determined to keep it low key, but soon it got heated and I glanced over at my husband,wanting to hold eye contact with him in a way to involve him and there he was in the dim light with his pants undone and masturbating!
I was surprised and kind of pissed off, I don't know why, so I figured if he wants to masturbate to me with another man as if we were swingers then I'll give him a show.
I didn't do anything over the top, but the sheets came off and there was kissing, he suckled my breasts and he did me pretty vigorously for a good while, I orgasmed several times and was fairly vocal. I was on my hands and knees with the donor behind me and my husband suddenly appeared next to me on the bed, he lay down and we began to kiss and he fondled my breasts and told me he loved me. The combination of my donors lovemaking ability, which are amazing, and my husband who I love dearly, both giving me their best attentions sent me into a multi-orgasmic fit that I have never before imagined.
I hope that was the moment I conceived as the donor ejaculated as I was in the midst of my fit.

We have one scheduled tonight and my husband suggested he just come over to the house and as I am tired and would like to not have to go anywhere I almost gave in, but I have decided to stick to Chandlers advice, so off we go to the hotel again. I am sexually aroused just thinking about it, but I am ready for this to be over and to find out if I am pregnant.

I hope last night and tonights encounters don't damage my husbands sexual ego too much or create a voyeur fetish in him, the donor is well endowed, confident and quite virile and my husband has seen this first hand and my involuntary reactions to it, I made a mess of natural lubrication on the bed that I never have with him. I wonder what is going on in his mind now.

Thanks again anyone who reads or comments for giving me a place to vent and type things I could never tell anyone I know.

**Audrey80** · 08-07-2011 05:31 PM

Ugh that seems so explicit rereading it, but please understand I can talk about all the other aspects of NI outside of here besides the actual sex and what went on. My sister and my best gf are the only ones who even know my husband came into the room, I told them no other details. Anyway, just explaining.

**jns** · 08-07-2011 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by Audrey80

Well here it is Sunday evening and I may be pregant with the donors baby, or maybe not, but he definitely wasn't exaggerrating about his seminal output, I don't see how I'm not.
My husband seems to be ok, he stayed at the bar friday night but last night he wanted to be in the room, the donor was ok with it and my husband was intent on watching but I was reluctant for him to see me have sex with him, as I had orgasmed a few times friday night and we had sex in positions other than missionary, which had been tentatively agreed on as the only position we would use. I also told him there would be no kissing but the donor embraced me and began kissing me as soon as we entered the hotel room friday night and I gave in, mostly because it made me feel more human and not like I was an object.
I also allowed him to give me oral which I felt guilty about, but honestly the more I think about it, myself and my husband were naive to think the impregnation could ever be sterile and mechanical with no passion. I wouldn't want my baby to be concieved like that anyway. Physical pleasure and sex cannot be seperated.
I know I sound like a guilty person trying to justify why I enjoyed having another man other than my husband.

So last night he sat in a chair across the room and the donor and I began under the sheets. I was determined to keep it low key, but soon it got heated and I glanced over at my husband,wanting to hold eye contact with him in a way to involve him and there he was in the dim light with his pants undone and masturbating!
I was surprised and kind of pissed off, I don't know why, so I figured if he wants to masturbate to me with another man as if we were swingers then I'll give him a show.
I didn't do anything over the top, but the sheets came off and there was kissing, he suckled my breasts and he did me pretty vigorously for a good while, I orgasmed several times and was fairly vocal. I was on my hands and knees with the donor behind me and my husband suddenly appeared next to me on the bed, he lay down and we began to kiss and he fondled my breasts and told me he loved me. The combination of my donors lovemaking ability, which are amazing, and my husband who I love dearly, both giving me their best attentions sent me into a multi-orgasmic fit that I have never before imagined.
I hope that was the moment I conceived as the donor ejaculated as I was in the midst of my fit.

We have one scheduled tonight and my husband suggested he just come over to the house and as I am tired and would like to not have to go anywhere I almost gave in, but I have decided to stick to Chandlers advice, so off we go to the hotel again. I am sexually aroused just thinking about it, but I am ready for this to be over and to find out if I am pregnant.

I hope last night and tonights encounters don't damage my husbands sexual ego too much or create a voyeur fetish in him, the donor is well endowed, confident and quite virile and my husband has seen this first hand and my involuntary reactions to it, I made a mess of natural lubrication on the bed that I never have with him. I wonder what is going on in his mind now.

Thanks again anyone who reads or comments for giving me a place to vent and type things I could never tell anyone I know.

Audrey, as you know, you will be able to conceive somewhere around 24 to 48 hours during your monthly cycle. The rest of the time you won't be able to. Because sperm can live up to 5 days in your uterus (some say somewhat longer), the egg could be ready several days after the introduction of sperm in the vagina and you would still get pregnant. All of the passion of the sex gets the woman's body in the best condition possible to take the sperm into the uterus. Therefore, the lovemaking by your donor was a necessary part of the process to do his best to get the results wanted. Did you time this with your temperature to make sure you were ovulating or would soon?

Your husband had a seat to a live sex show starring his wife, that is, you. You could ask him if he thought of masturbating before seeing you having sex. Even if he was not thinking of it, the visual stimulation may have been too much. I don't think you should have been pissed off.

I like the part that your husband participated in that he helped relax you to reach your highest high point. It should give you the best chance possible to conceive. Also, he was there for the bonding due to chemicals released in your brain.

Did most of the natural lubrication come after your husband started participating? I'm guessing it came at the time of the multiple orgasms.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-07-2011 07:31 PM

I agree with Chandlers Wish; I don't see any upside to your husband witnessing the NI. Whether he admits it or not, he will compare himself with your donor in every conceivable way for the rest of his life. A few specific thoughts and questions to ponder....

1)

I don't get why you agreed with me, re the Hotel room... And, Experienced Donor joined our Forum because of your post and wrote some lengthy post, including questions but also the above... Yet, you allowed your husband to be in the Hotel room? That defeats my suggestion to start with.. Just curious.

Foremost on any guy's mind... What if he's bigger than your husband? We men are obsessed with penis size and a gifted donor would prove doubly humiliating to him.

2) An experienced natural donor is likely to perform well with a new partner from Day 1... Considering your husband's stamina, would it be healthy for him to see (or even hear) you and your donor engaged in vigorous intercourse for ten, fifteen or even twenty minutes? (10-20 minutes is optimum for semen quality.)

3) As a result of 1 and 2 above, what if you easily orgasm with your donor, perhaps multiple times? Now it's a triple whammy... The donor is hung, fertile and gets you off; your husband is none of those (at least in his own mind.) You may have a hard time keeping your actions or behavior (i.e., orgasm) under control thanks to the oxytocin release triggered by vaginal and cervical stretch receptors.

And, it appears that you did exactly what Experienced Donor stated? In front of your husband as well. IDK, if I would even go into all those details as you did either to us, yet no one else, blow by blow description, I don't think we need to live that part with you either as we have teenagers join this Forum.

Feel free however to please let us know how your husband is going with this now, you don't mention any discussions with him after the fact, how he felt, what he's thinking.

IDK, your questions were really answered by Experienced Donor but like 1 day after joining, didn't give you much time to establish which way to go, yet you went down the exact path that he described, would be dangerous, ie) not in the same room, orgasms in front of him, large penis size, verses not ...

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-08-2011 12:02 AM

This very much reads more like a fantasy than anything else. It seems like the 'natural insemenation' is just a justification for acting out a voyeuristic/exhibitionst or swinger like sexual desire. There are so many methods to conceive, even using that natural semenation process that don't involve multiple positions with the odd man out masturbating in the corner. I'm not being judgmental, whatever excites either you or your partner is great, whatever works for your relationship is great. But after reading your latest post it just seems more like one or the both of you wanted to act out this specific fantasy and used natural semenation as a way to do it without either having to feel guilt about it, since it is being done for a greater purpose.

There are some men that have a fantasy of being 'cuckolded' being bested by another man in bed to the woman they love and derive a sexual pleasure from the degradation. There are also some women that have a fantasy of having their men watch while another man ravishes their body. There are also couples that enjoy the idea of sharing their partner etc.. there are so many variables and whatever works for your relationship is what matters.

It just seems that this is way less about the desire to concieve than it is about the process/pleasure. It also seems Way less about the ramifications of sleeping with another person to get pregnant and more about the sexual thrill of it all.