yeah i have a problem with that, and it all comes down to my own insecurities. i have a lot of other really messed up stuff going on in my life that has cut me down a bit and i think i project alot of that on my relationship with my boyfriend. my stepmother was a massive abuser to me and my little brother and just as it seemed like i had built an adult relationship with her it just turned out she was using me to cheat on my dad and hide her drinking. long story short, she doesnt drive and met an old friend online and made it seem like we were going on fun roadtrips away so she could connect with an old group of friends from her youth-she was really seeing a woman and got caught up with her whole sad junkie story, i caught them, didnt tell dad at first (as she had made me feel like we were good pals) but she kept inviting this person back to my dads place, he caught on, she denied it (shes really stupid) then she moved into my apartment that id rented off dad, (a different one in town, not the one im im in now) i moved in with dad, this woman bashed her and tried to set up my brother for assult on herself in order to get money out of dad. so now theyre seperated but he supports her fully and she still invites this woman back into her life and then calls me again when the stuff hits the fan, but is a total cow to me unless im doing exactly what she wants. and she pits my dad against me. so im unhappy and wish i didnt have to see any of them. this woman would send me txts saying my stepmother had always said how unintelligent i was, and when my stepmother needed me, when she was being assulted shed deny it and say she was making stuff up...anyway my dad went overseas for two weeks a few weeks back and AS SOON as he was gone she had organised for this crazy person to come and visit, telling me not to come over all weekend as she just needed a quiet weekend etc. she called me sunday arvo and said she had locked herself in the shed all night to get away from tracy and could me and my bf go back with her, (she walked to my dads in the morning where she called from) to ask her to leave. tracy was gone when we got there, my stepmother said she had just asked her over so she could get some things which is more lies as they never lived togther for any longer than a couple of weeks and this woman basically lives out of a backpack, and i was told not to call the police.
the police put an AVO or restraining order out on her that covers the whole family as last time they had spent time together she hospitalised her (this was during a time that i had been refusing to see talk to any of them) she has priors so she is being convicted this month. so basically shes going away, and i have to put up with my stepmother being a total --- to me as she still hasnt told dad what happened, but sleeps here like two nights a week and gets everything off him and it makes me so sick and basically has made me so full of anger that i think very little of myself and take it out on my boyfriend. i feel stupid for being repeatadly used, and that my father has never stood up for me against my stepmother, not even when she cheats on him and takes all his money. so i dont feel like im worth alot. sorry to side track. i discovered they key to my balcony (i rent a property at the back of my dads) which i havent been able to find for months, was in one of her little draws here, that she uses shen she stays over... its just another way for her to control something here and its made it all fresh for me.


i spoke to my bf last night, he said he does want kids with me someday (i swear ive heard him say he didnt want kids) i said that im not going to invest time in someone who doesnt.
i think i get insecure over his ex as she is still around alot, and he was the one that was hurt by her and i get the feeling sometimes that if it were up to him, they wouldve patched things up, they did try for a few months after she went to rehab but she is now with a guy she met in rehab so i think she already had him in mind instead.
shes also done her best to make me feel like im not as good as her as well. subtly and always with a smile on her face lol

blah, im messed up