Thread: Going insane! Really want to have a baby!!

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

There is no set timeline to life. Ladies that get themselves caught up in "I need to be married by age XX and have my first baby by age XX" are setting themselves up for failure. If you KNOW it's way too early, then insist that your good judgment override societal pressures. No one is ever as ready as they think they are.

nothing societal about this, this is chemical! (i dont exactly look like someone who goes by what society says is normal-im head to toe in tattoos of naked women, ive studied and worked in 4 different careers including the funeral industry, and 4 years in and out of the sex industry i dont particularly give a flying ... about society lol ---- i know its too early for him (he might not ever want them) its myself im listening to and my own body. like i said im not interested in getting married, i spoke to my friend last night and she said its a part of who i am and that i shouldnt be made to feel silly or embarassed about it being a priority in my life. (i mentioned to her that in the conversation we had about it that i pretty much pretended i wasnt interested in having kids anytime soon as i felt embarassed and silly that it was a priority of mine) she said just tell him openly its a priority and that i want kids within the next five years etc. still seems too long for me lol but its a non pushy guide to have a conversation around.

your right jns if he doesnt want them flat out i have to move on, i dont believe in changing people, or expecting them to put up with stuff

i know little, im not talking right now god it would be awful

i called my friend last night and said im clucky u need to talk me down (she has a 4 year old) she said why? kids are great, have heaps lol but then we got talking about his ex and the situation and it seemed to put me off it pretty quick, with him anyway.

foster care in Aus ive looked into it before but there are alot of rules regarding space, i live in a one bedroom apartment etc.

just wanting that next part of my life to begin i guess, and i think i thought it was happening sooner. when i met my bf he moved things along very quickly for a man that had only been single a year. it was very unusual and i thought wow heres a guy that doesnt go by timelines that society dictates, he even said he didnt believe in structures like that and if u love someone u love someone etc. we were inseperable and he would talk about asking me to move in infront of his friends (after two months) but when i brought it up at 5 months once i was ready for the possibility he said he wasnt ready. he would also talk about kids alot (actually showed me a furry jumpsuit with ears that he STILL had in the cupord from a prospective child with his ex)....wow im writing this and cringing. he had considered kids with the dragon ex but not me, even though he is constantly telling me how much better things are with me.

this has turned and is totally off topic, i think i need to suggest a break til he figures out what he wants (insert every imagineary expletive under the sun now)

You know, if YOU want a baby and YOU are ready, you don't necessarily have to wait for somebody else to help you do it. I understand your ticking biological clock (though I've never heard the term "clucky," I'll have to put that one into my vocabulary. I like it.) and the stresses of cultivating a relationship with somebody you really hope wants kids. Though I won't knock the difficulty of being a single parent, you'd be no worse off than any woman who didn't plan to raise a child alone.

Would you consider having a child by sperm donor to be a single mom? Of course, this would complicate your relationship with your current boyfriend, but I'm talking just in general, is this something you'd do?

i think whenever a woman decides she want to be a mother she has to consider if she could do it on her own. ive always thought about it this way, my mum has been a single mum most of her life and so were many of her friends so its not a downfall in my eyes. we're all reasonably well ajusted and intelligent. i have alot of issues stemming from my stepmother (who partly raised me when i went to live with my dad, my mum moved north with another partner and kids at the time) she was and still is a very destructive person and i have alot of anger because of things she did and conditions i was raised it (continuous conflict, violence (not from my father he just did nothing) but thats a different story

sperm donorship is very expensive and they'll only consider you after alot of rigmarol, by that time i may have found a willing partner and could use the money for the child etc

my mum has said when u want a child u just go out and get one (obviously not caring whether the father wants to be around) but shes hardcore feminist and thinks u dont need men to have babies with if u dont want them (aside from the actual sperm)
my best friend has a child (accident...she wasnt "shopping" as my mum would say, or wanting a kid at 20 and single) and decided not to tell the guy, i think he was a casual partner, no one knew about him shes very private etc not the sort of girl that tells her friends about her bf's and love life etc. still to this day not even her mum knows who the little girsl dad is and my friend is ok with that i think. the child is happy and smart and my friend works and is studying to be a teacher, rents an apartment etc.

i dont think my bf would be happy if i did this lol and im sure he would view donorship as cheating all the same, or just weird. problem is he says i want to be with you forever, helped me buy a car, introduced me to family and friends in the first week etc and then it just changed. im so sick of being with men and having everything be on their terms. its when theyre ready and we either have to wait or move on. and to what? another man with baggage who wont commit or doesnt want kids.
if i didnt enjoy his company so much and feel as though i need to put in another six months, i would leave and go find a baby donor lol. maybe a gay friend would be the way to go? lol

clucky is a common term heer (ever owned chickens? ba-kirk! lol)

what really gets to me is i was in a long term relationship with a 40 year old man who was ready for marriage and babies and i ended it, (he was a drinker and i couldnt handle it) and now im with a seperated guy who claims to want me, but i think he assumed that me being younger he would have all the time in the world to decide what he wanted, but i can only wait so long.

im sooo angry and upset. i feel like i went into a relationship with a completely different person than the one im with now. i wish he'd get it through his head. im a 26 year old, non career obsessed female who values having kids. the only reason he considered having kids with the ex was it seemed like it was the next thing to do (after obtaining a good career, buying house getting married etc, hes told me this)

now hes sweet cos he has a different mindset, younger gf with tattoos, different to his ex etc etc. i feel like i was judged and then taken in, but why the crazy sentiment at the start???