Thread: Miscarriage

I got Mirena placed Dec 8. About a month later I started to get symptoms like I normally do when I'm pregnant. I thought 'surely I cant be pregnant when I have an IUD in place'. My cousin shipped me some tests for me to take, just to ease my mind. I looked and it said 'pregnant' on the screen. My heart dropped because I read about the risks of a pregnancy with an IUD. Also, I'm going to divorce my husband and we already have 2 boys... so three kids on my own would be horrible. I decided to just take it as it went and I went to the doctor the next day to confirm. I went in on Wednesday and they said theyd call me the next day with the results, never did. I called and they said they'd call me back later - never did. I called back Friday, pissed. They finally gave me the results - positive. I didnt have an OBGYN so I was trying to get them to refer me to one, which they said would take a week - time I couldnt afford. Its a holiday weekend though so nobody will be back till Tuesday. I just had to wait for Tuesday to come, theres nothing I could do.

Friday I went to walmart to buy some Prenatal pills. I was there and saw 75% off Christmas decorations. We dont have stockings so I decided to get some while they were cheap (27 cents, heck yeah!). I grabbed three since I knew by Christmas I'd have a new baby in my arms. Life was good for that moment. I knew the road ahead with me and three kids was going to be a very difficult road, but I was ready for it. I would have a new baby, and thats so precious.

I had been having some stabbing pains on my left for a while, before I even took a pregnancy test, but didnt think much about it because it would leave after a while. I was starting to cramp up yesterday. When I went to the bathroom I had blood on my liner. I was a bit worried because it meant one of two things 1 - the baby is hurt or 2 - I'm hurt. I told my mom (I told her the next day that I had a positive test result), she said if I'm worried, go to the ER. I'm out in a state all by myself with two boys and I dont know a single person out here. My husband is in the Marines and hes deploying in a month so they are gone for the next month training in the desert. Its just me and the boys. My whole family is 1200 miles away from me. I knew the kids wouldnt last in the ER so I waited and thought not to rush into it and just give it time to see if it stopped or got worse. 10pm rolled around and I had more blood. I called up a wife of one of my husbands higher ups that my husband told me to use if I ever needed a babysitter. Thankfully she agreed, and she was very nice, so I felt better about leaving my kids with her.

I go in, they do a urine sample and the doctor says 'Youre not pregnant'. My heart sank. As much as we didnt need this baby, I was happy for its arrival. I had been praying and praying that nothing would go wrong. He told me that its likely I couldve had the baby and my body couldnt work with it and expelled it and its just now coming out. The IUD was most likely the cause for it. They said that it could be an ectopic pregnancy or that I miscarried. They couldnt find anything on the sonogram of a baby. They saw something that was a little fishy, but they said it was most likely just a vein or artery or whatever that was making the pulse we saw. Since they couldnt find anything, they had to assume it was just a miscarriage. The wanted me to go back in a few days to check my HCG levels because they were still higher than usual.

I got the IUD to prevent pregnancies, not make them and then miscarry. As much as this was completely unplanned, and not something we needed to add to me and my husbands situation, I was looking forward to it. I even got a stocking for him/her. Now I have three stockings and two kids. Every time I think about it or look at the stocking, I cry. My husband told me to take care of the baby and to update him on everything. Then the next day I have to tell him that there is no more baby.

I would only be a few weeks along but this is really tearing me apart. I've never had a miscarriage. I was becoming happy about it and rubbing my tummy, and its gone now. I have nobody to talk to. The only people that knew were my mom and my husband. I'm not sure if my mom told my dad or not. My mom said to get a check up in a few days and let her know everything and that its good I didnt have it anymore because me and robert are going to divorce. She WASNT saying she was happy I miscarried, she was just saying maybe its a good thing because it wouldve added so much more to a problem we already have. I dont know how to handle this, and I'm not really sure what I'm asking for by typing all of this. Anyone have a similiar story? Miscarriage? How do you cope? I feel like if I tell anyone how much this really is killing me that they'll be like 'it wasnt even a baby at that point. you didnt need another anyways.' I was becoming so happy about holding a new little baby..

I dont know how to cope with this


((sorry this was so long... I kind of rambled on. I also didnt proof read it so sorry for any typos because I'm sure I made some))