hi. im pregnant. im in my mid 20's. no prior children.ive been having lots of stress and the father has distanced himself due to a fight that has nothing to do with it. we never wanted kids, and wanted to be completely established before we would even consider it- but contraception did not work and now we have a dilemma. i care for the father very much and have been with him for years, but as of right now i dont know if we will be together. i dont believe that a baby should be raised in a non stable environment. i prefer to have both parents together..and with the economy going the way it is, im worried that i can not provide enough for the child. i dont want to depend on any family much even though they are ecstatic. you can see my predicament. i also do not want to keep a baby knowing that the father might have resentment or dreams of his own that have not been fullfilled & that too can heighten the stress in a child's life. im trying to make the best decision. my god father thinks i will regret keeping a child at the prime of my life. the father will feel negative no matter what road i take..but he truly thinks this is a bad time. anybody with experience or advice? thank you.

Not wanting a child has already put your baby at a disadvantage. I got pregnant at a young age. I considered adoption but chose not to go that route. Life has not been easy. I grew up right along side my baby boy. I turned out fine but he...well, things didnt go well for him and not being mature and having the life experience, I couldnt help.

The father not being stable nor wanting children puts another strike against your baby's future.

Talk to your OB/GYN. They have amazing resources that many people do not know about and they dont bring up unless the patient does. You may be suprised as some of the things they can help you with.

Oh no, I hope you're not considering the word that rhymes with "Shmismortion"!!! My father didn't want either of us (me or my brother) he even kicked my moms 7 month pregnant belly to try kill my brother!!! He almost forced her into aborting me too...but she hung in there. she raised two fine kids for 23 years by herself with no help from family AT ALL. But it all depends on the mother AND her belief (both in yourself and family... religion...eh).
My mom was 17 when she had me and 19-20 when she had my brother. You're 20. But just REALLY think about it. Maybe he will change his mind about it maybe not. If he is abusive then I would go with plan "A", but seriously, if you have support from BOTH families, then I don't see why you wouldn't go on with it....it's life girl!!! If you REALLY don't think you're ready and it will change your life for the worse, then don't go thru with it.

I wouldn't be against the idea of an abortion, and even if it is a life, at the moment it's no more sentient than the rabbit you might stew. If it's preventing a life from happening that is your moral objection, having a child when you aren't ready, is preventing the life of a baby you would probably have when you are better established to provide a good home to later on, and that child would have a better life, therefore, by utilitarianism at least, it is not only morally palpable, but imperitive. Especially when you factor in the possible negative (if it's unwanted) effects that having a child when you are not ready will have upon your life.

Don't let the bible bashers dissuade you from doing what you think is right.

Hey I was unwanted too, should my mom have aborted me? Did I turn out to be a criminal? Or anything BAD you think might happen if the child grows up without both parents? My mom had it hard too raising us by herself, we were by no means rich, but we made it through!

BTW, I am NOT a bible basher so you can quit with that! I just think women have it too easy these days!! I mean, if this woman is unstable, a drug addict or abusive, then yeah, abort the pregnancy and get help. But if she has the support of both families, then take it! No need to be too proud to ask for help!!

BUT

I am also not against abortion if it's for medical reasons, whether it's the mom or the unborn child.

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I'm sorry but this is just my opinion, you need to hear from both sides when making a decision like this.

I never called you a bible basher, I was just speaking in general terms.

You would of course feel badly about abortion, as if your parents had aborted you you wouldn't exist today. It's a subject that's difficult to think about. For example, if my brothers disease had been picked up in early pregnancy (which it can be these days), it might have made sense to discontinue that pregnancy and try again, for a healthier child. Had that been done, the brother I love dearly would never have existed, but another one probably would have... One that would potentially be a lot more happy.

I suppose it all really boils down to your view on the soul, at what point it develops (if such a thing even exists), what your duties are to a soul and at what point they start, etc etc. These are all really subjective moral opinions that you need to make up your own mind about.

thanks-to everyone that has replied so far. my own views aren't as set in stone at the moment vs. a year ago. i truly believe that it is unfair to bring a child into this world without adequate stability...but i think it must be because the father's sister is pregnant also..and is due around the same time. i dont know if i can look at her baby without thinking of my own, if lost. with either direction, there is doubt and uncertainty of our mental health for years to come. the father and i have good jobs and are done with the initial aspects of school..we just were always the type who where going to be the spoiling aunt and uncle whod travel and do charity work for the rest of our lives... then poof..suddenly a part of me wants to see this baby's face. do any of you think that having a baby when a man is not ready is the kind of pressure that can be detrimental to a relationship? i know it sounds selfish...but i read that a lot of women feel pressured by men to have abortions even if the men don't say it out loud. i believe that its my body...but i owe him the respect of giving him 1/2 the decision. im stressing out sooo much trying to make the decision that ends with the happiest results...im having pregnancy complications already.

In my opinion ultimately it's your decision.

And, if you can already see the "baby's face" and intuitely feel that you may not cope when your other halfs boyfriends sister has her baby, then i am going to say right here, you will live to regret it.

If it was clear cut, you wouldn't be think the above.

If it was clear cut, you wouldn't be worried more about whether he stays with you or doesn't.

That would not be the ulitmate question but is... This in my opinion means you of course are concerened for what you thought would happen and what has happened is different, but money or no money, you can bring a child into this world with so much love and happiness is abound.

I'm just saying, from reading what you are writing you will fall down when that baby is born and what if your boyfriend 5 years later says to you "you should have had it" or johnny would have looked like my nephew he'd be the same age, as he attaches himself to that child, as an Uncle...

Your decision i believe is based on the father of your child and the fear of losing him.

Let's just say you have a 50/50 either way of losing him which ever you way you go because that's a fact.

So instead, look inside yourself and be selfish and ask what you would feel, and how you feel...

The baby is a part of you, family, when it's born.. He is not blood and may not be around for ever..

How will you feel then?

Just pointing out some other facts and sides of things, not saying do or dont.



CW