my friends wife slept with his brother

**cat** · 09-04-2008 03:39 AM

Im so confused i found out that my friends wife slept with his brother and i dont know what to do he is like a brother to me and i think he needs to know the truth. He wants a family with her and i dont think he deserves this. I confronted her and told her she needs to tell him but she wont. Do i tell him and how or what do i do it is really eating away at me. His brother is also marrying her best friend in march and well i dont think that should be happening either i think this other girl who is supposed to be her friend has a right to know before she marries this guy.

**what2do** · 09-04-2008 05:59 AM

You are right they do need to know before marriage. Most members here will tell you its none of your business but they need to know somehow. There is no easy answer for this one. If I were in your shoes I would discretly get it out there without anyone knowing you did it. Perhaps say someone told me so and so had a fling or hooked up. Be prepared for a mess.
It is a relief that you are not condoning this behavior from your friend. I was really glad to see this post. Most of the times women will turn the blind eye if their friend did such a thing. I have seen it so many times from people I have known.
Good luck.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-04-2008 04:30 PM

what2do,

I think that as neither are married, I won't be saying "stay out of it", as the last thing people should do if they are not ready for marriage is to get married and then find all of this out as they will at some point, I am sure...

But, I will say, you have relationships with these people and that makes it very, very hard for you.

I would drop hints to outside forces that therefore tell them so when the shirt hits the wall, it didn't come from you, a skeleton in your closet for sure, but one that had no arms, think the skeleton was a male though, cause it takes b....ls to do this to start with.

CW

**N01** · 09-04-2008 05:26 PM

did it happen before your friend and his wife got married or after they were married? kinda different, we all have a past...

**cat** · 09-04-2008 07:35 PM

you see my friend and his wife were already married his brother was living with them while this was happening when her husband was on night shift this is when they were sleeping together and it went on for the 6mths he lived with them. But the brother who slept with the wife is due to get married to my friends so called best friend. I confronted his wife and told her she needs to tell her husband as he has a right to know and well she hasnt yet and i just saw him and well she has obviously turned him against me as he didnt really talk to me. We were like brother and sister i feel so sorry for him what do i do he needs to know do i tell him or not

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-04-2008 07:50 PM

Well your talking about "brothers" ? One brother has slept with his brother's wife?

But you are concerned for your "friend" that being the man that was cheated on...because you care about him.

Um, now that i am reading it right I am going to say a fat NO.

Why?

Because they are brothers. You will not be doing him a favor at all, rather destroying family, brother and brother.

Sure, he deserves to know, sure she should be divorced for doing that to him and sure the other brother has no respect, morals what so ever for blood... and he is going to get married and have another affair and his wife will find that out and leave him one day. He'll get his just desserts.

You just tell the wife, fine, you know I know, and I'll be watching because if you do it again to him with another guy I will have proof this time.

At least your not destroying family - brother to brother, hopefully ensuring she never does it again, which is the "friendship" you want to prove and if you ever find out that she does again with someone else, as cheaters cheat, it won't be his brother and then you can look at this scenario, telling him.

That's my thoughts.

**Lakerat** · 09-04-2008 09:26 PM

From what Ive seen of this kind of things, usually the one who tells is hated by everybody involved for a pretty good while.(if not forever). Thats a pretty touchy place to be.
Is it still going on? if not I would probably let that dog lie. if its still going on personally I would take a more round about way for him to find out. One where he just happend to be IN the right place AT the right time. Sounds to me like she is already makeing you out to look like the bad guy. I would give my next move alot of consideration. Even tho your trying to do right you may end up losing a best friend.

**cat** · 09-04-2008 11:55 PM

But is it fair to let them bring kids into the world and find out later on when there are kids involved. He wants a family really bad! Doesnt he deserve to have a family with someone honest and who truly loves him? The way this woman trats him is sad she hits him and everything. That is what hurts me as well knowing what she has done and how she treats him!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-05-2008 02:38 AM

Originally Posted by cat

But is it fair to let them bring kids into the world and find out later on when there are kids involved. He wants a family really bad! Doesnt he deserve to have a family with someone honest and who truly loves him? The way this woman trats him is sad she hits him and everything. That is what hurts me as well knowing what she has done and how she treats him!

Cat... I know this is hard for you and I somehow suspect that in a way, your "brother" - friend you would have loved to be married to him yourself, but you don't have to answer that.

You can't "change destiny" you can't "save the world" you CAN lose him as a friend, it's tricky too tricky...

It's not your call. If she treats him like "trash" he is accepting that if she hits him, "he is accepting that" it's his life, his call and eventually he will gain the confidence and knowledge and walk himself.

You want to do anything, stay out of it or you will lose him, she has the control, she is controlling, she is taking what ever she wants and giving it to whilst she is at it...

He is the "weaker" party so therefore, WHY ON GOD'S EARTH do you think what you have to tell him will make him walk? He won't...

Let him find out what ever he has to find out when he finds out, because at this point in time, she controls him, he has no confidence in himself and you will destroy your friend and bring him down even further.

Tell her you WON'T say anything.. Use reverse physcology and help him with his issues with her, by just being a friend, as you are, that he can vent and talk to.

If you don't she will win, you will lose and he will drown.

Undertand all of that where I am coming from? I know you care, but honestly that's the key to this situation...

For you and for him.

Please have a deep think... Because the problem here is, is that you want to tell him cause your pi...ed off with her, you don't like her, you don't like what she is doing to him, all way round.

She is smart, she has him where she wants him AT THE MOMENT understand that part too sweet? At the moment not fully just for now and she will beat you.

Every dog gets their day...

CW

**silvertae** · 09-05-2008 05:14 AM

As a true friend I think it's your responsibility to tell him. But be prepared, knowing that it will end your friendship in all likelihood. Yes, it's his choice if he stays with this abusive cheating woman but it's also your choice to not stand by and act as if it's all ok. I'd sit him down, tell him the situation, tell him you care about him and don't want to see his life go to h**ll so you had to try to make him see. Tell him you can't just sit by and watch it all happen. And then tell him you know he's probably angry and that he likely won't want to be friends anymore BUT that you will be there for him when he finally does get out and will need some support. That may be a couple months or years down the road or he may never come back to you and say "you were right". But I just wouldn't be able to watch a friend's like go down the sh**tter and NOT attempt to help. True friends have to be willing to risk the entire relationship in order to help the other person out.

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