Thread: Ive recently told my best friend I love Her...

I can't quite figure out the situation. If I'm reading correctly, you and your new love are both female. Is she openly gay / bi? If she is straight, then this could be a strain - finding out that your friend has a romantic attachment that you can't return. If she is gay / bi but in the closet, then this could be frightening - she may worry that you have detected her orientation, and that otheres might as well. If she is gay / bi, she may be in a relationship with someone who is in the closet.

You say you are not looking for anything physical, but for many people spiritual and physical love are closely tied together. They may be seperate for you, but not for her.

Yes we are both female and no she is not gay. The problem for me though is that i want to her to understand how much i feel for her but im worried that that will change things between us. But its the little things that will change that i feel will effect me more. like watching a film and her laying on me...cuddling up to me..those sorts of things. She knows that i am in no posistion to have a physical relationship so she should no that im not 'trying to get in her pants' so to speak but i cant help but feel things would change. She has recently just completely called it off with her ex after almost 2 years and i want to be there for her..i just dont want her to feel im there because im just fulfilling my needs..when i do genuinely just want to be there for her through everything. This is gradually starting to eat away at me..i pick up on things she says and it gets me thinking am i making things worse...and i think abouyt these all the time..were most people would just think nothing of them i dont cos i guess im so scared about hurting her. I know she loves me deeply and would never want to hurt me either..which is probably why this is so hard...because she cant talk to me about her true feelings...cos she wouldnt want to upset me...i just feel so aweful about this cos im the person she talks to about everything, and yet ive put her in a position where she has noone to talk to. My head is just a mush of thoughts and it has helped trying to write em down on here...i just dont know where to go from here.

why don't you just tell her what you wrote in the above post?

If you let it fester you'll drive yourself nuts to the point that you'll say something or react in a way that is "extreme" to her because she doesnt know where you are coming from.

there's nothing wrong with loving someone without the physical or romantic aspect. At least she'd know that she is special to you. She can either appreciate it for what it is, abuse it, or throw it away. If something more happens later, then that's what happens. If not, at least it's off your chest (so to speak).

Ant

I guess there are a couple of things to think about. Would you (be honest - to yourself), be happy with your relationship with her if it never became physical? It might not - she may care for you, but just not have any inclination that way.

She may be uncertain about her own sexuality - and may be uncomfortable that she needs to think about it. It may take her a while to work things out - and it might not go the way you want.

How would you feel if she gets another boyfriend?

It is a very tricky situation - and I wish you the best of luck.