Relationship dynamics in the information age

**sourpuss** · 09-15-2008 06:30 PM

I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on appropriate behavior withing a committed relationship in regards to the new age of computers and networking and online forums. The topic came up on another forum and I found this post interesting:

My girlfriend and I have agreed that workplace flirting is a necessity, anything more is over the line. You can't sit all day and not discuss such topics with the opposite sex and not flirt a little. It's very bad for you to reject it.

When you're out of work, flirting should stop. You spend 1/3rd of your life at work, 1/3rd sleeping, so for it to occur at work is perfectly normal because you spend so much time with these people, it's bound to happen and friendly relationships are a must.

However, when the relatiomnship occurs over an unannounced distance, like the internet or phone, then it's over the top. There is no physical connection, thus unnecessary.

I agree with what he's saying here. But where do you draw the line? Is adding strangers on myspace because they are cute and have revealing pictures going too far? Is flirting with them through private messages or photo comments too far? What about msn messanger, where the conversation is private? Does it make a difference if it's someone they will never meet as opposed to a friend who lives near by or one you see on holidays when visiting home?

Or is it all harmless flirting that's just evolved because we're all so "connected" now?

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 09-15-2008 06:45 PM

If it's a neccessity to flirt with people you are in close proximity with, then I fail to see how long distance flirting with no possible endgame is morally unacceptable.

With the world at our fingertips things have changed. A little harmless ego stroking in some virtual flirting is only good for people and their own self worth, and entertainment.

There are occasions of course where it could feel unacceptable, and it's probably a lot easier to take that on a case by case basis, if your partner is chatting away to someone for 5 hours a day, discussing more important/interesting things that they would with their own partner then the emotional role of that partner is diminished, and it's affecting the relationship.

Constantly adding people on facebook or myspace or whatever is a dumpable offense simply because it's retarded. Someone like that really isn't worth knowing anyway.

**sourpuss** · 09-15-2008 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

I
Constantly adding people on facebook or myspace or whatever is a dumpable offense simply because it's retarded. Someone like that really isn't worth knowing anyway.

LOL! Agreed.

**sassie** · 09-15-2008 07:08 PM

Well call me crazy but I don't see how flirting is okay work, internet or other. Why is this okay? Why is there a need to do it? Is the person doing the flirting not getting enough attention in their love life that they need to find it somewhere else? The way I see it if your truly happy with your relationship then the flirting should be happening ongoing with that person nobody else. You can flirt with the person your dating/married too and I think that is part of keeping things alive and fresh but hey what do I know I have been through so much the last month that maybe I don't have a clue. All I can say is being in my marriage I don't have a reason to turn to someone else for attention and neither should anyone else unless something is wrong in the relationship.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-15-2008 07:16 PM

My girlfriend and I have agreed that workplace flirting is a necessity, anything more is over the line. You can't sit all day and not discuss such topics with the opposite sex and not flirt a little. It's very bad for you to reject it.

When you're out of work, flirting should stop. You spend 1/3rd of your life at work, 1/3rd sleeping, so for it to occur at work is perfectly normal because you spend so much time with these people, it's bound to happen and friendly relationships are a must.

However, when the relatiomnship occurs over an unannounced distance, like the internet or phone, then it's over the top. There is no physical connection, thus unnecessary.

Sorry, I don't get that.

Off course, you interact with the opposite sex at work and often it is more discussion and laughter, sharing intimate thoughts, that otherwise you may not be capable of doing with your partner.. It happens all the time at my work...

Flirting with them? Well flirting is natural, good for the ego, good for the soul and harmless full stop as long as that is where it ends.

Workplace only? Workplace is where most of the "affairs" commence... They are like "family" you get to be with them all the time...Workplace is in my opinion the most dangerous place to flirt unless you are a faithful person full stop.

I also flirt up a storm sometimes, via Internet why is it a waste of space? It offers the same thing, yet much safer, it provides you with comfort for your ego, and um, some venture into meeting, it may not necessarily be "long distance"...

In my opinion, this person whom wrote this thread is saying, it's safe at work but it's cheating via Internet..

Don't agree.

It's morals and standards if in a relationship and knowing not to overstep the mark, regardless of where you deside to flirt.

Now as for My-Space and Facebook haha, good one Anon.

My-Space well I agree, it is a silly place, have MSN same thing, chat to real friends.

Facebook, well they are "friends only" you can't become a friend if you don't know the person or want someone's friend to be added, I find it amusing and I chat to my sister in QLD all the time there, she doesn't have MSN, it's a place where people share how they are feeling that day, and photos, amongst friends, sometimes it can be a real laugh replying to something they wrote.

All in the name of fun, all way round.

CW

**rcoreyus** · 09-15-2008 11:49 PM

"flirting" covers a lot of ground. I think the sort of flirting where you basically make the other person think you are attracted to them - but have no intention of doing anything about it, is fine. Flirting that might lead to any sort of serious relationship is not good if you are already in a committed relationship.

Personally I would find flirting online to not be much fun - you don't really know much about the person on the other end of the net. Flirting with someone you know well is a much better game. Give them the nice feeling that someone finds them attractive - while making it clear that nothing is actually going to happen.

Being flirted at is fun - It makes you feel wanted.

Flirting with your spouse is difficult. If you have an active sex life, then flirting is sort of pointless - you obviously find them attractive - and can express this in many ways. If you do not have an active sex life, then flirting is just frustrating - reminding you of what you can't have.

**HURT&CONFUSED** · 09-16-2008 12:06 AM

I think its awesome that you all have so many ways that you communicate. This site seems to help a lot of people. I have to say for myself that I am lucky to be truly in love with my boyfriend. When we are out, dancing, resturants, etc we don't see anyone but each other. Sickening I know, I can't imagine having to leave that but I myself feel that flirting is misleading. Flirting with the one you love can be sexy and sensual. Fun texts, Sexy e-mails etc. All this myspace facebook etc in my experience for some people is only away for people to hide another entire life that they have with people that some never even really know. See this site is great for advise but the other sites I think are sometimes used as covers. Example I had this friend married whose wife wouldnt give her own husband the password to her myspace account to view pictures of their weekend with friends. We later found out she had cheated on him for years and used the internet to do it. She was away at school and he was supporting her completely, her expenses her education etc she was going to be a dr. The entire time myspace allowed her to have several relationships all the while he thought he was helping her to make a better future for both of them. Advise is one thing, a nice compliment another but flirting can end up causing lots of problems if not controlled. Just my opinion.

**sourpuss** · 09-16-2008 12:31 AM

A lot of good points made here. I like everyone's different views. Thanks.

Thread: Relationship dynamics in the information age

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Relationship dynamics in the information age

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions