Thread: Depressed and Cannot get over Girlfriends Sexual History

Stylerock,
In my younger days right out of HS, I fell and fell hard for a guy who was terribly jealous and who had been bady betrayed by another girl. I paid and paid heavily for his hurt and inability to get past the fact that he wasn't even close to being my first. Sex with him was amazing, no one else had been even close to that good but his constant accusations, questioning and moodiness nearly destroyed me. I started to hate myself and everything I had ever done. Being with him became a sort of twisted experience, I cared for him so much but being around him was miserable. When he finally ended the relationship I actually spent several years dealing with the emotional fallout from his treatment of me.

WC said it more gently, I'm going to be blunt. If you can't get past this and get past it soon, you need to end this relationship.

You are torturing yourself. She is who and what she is, just as you are. You can't change that about either of you. If you cannot love and accept her just as she is, you need to move on. No matter what you do, how you feel, how much you think about it, discuss it or how much you drive yourself nuts, her past will not change. Nor should it.

From your posts I think you are caring and sensitive man and would be a great man to be with...for the right woman. Obviously this one isn't right for you. That isn't a fault in her. Nor isn't a fault in you. You have certain ideals and she doesn't fit them and never will. It is possible that given time and a lot more life experience, your needs and concerns will change. That isn't now and you have to deal with where you are now. Some things in life we can't do much about, we can't change the weather, we can't get a different family or a different body but darned near anything else we can change. A different job, live in a different place, choose different friends. This girl may have some very special characteristics that attract you but I guarantee there are dozens more who would be just as special and who are better suited to you.

I have a sign on my office wall, it says, "You don't get any extra points for suffering" Why spend so much time beating yourself up over this? Yes, A good relationship takes effort and work but it should be fun! There should be joy, pleasure at being together. I have spent so many years in unhappy relationships, thinking that if I could just 'fix' this or that it would work - it never did. I just spent a lot of time swimming upstream trying to be happy in an unhappy situation. You've agonized over this for quite a while. Save yourself some grief and learn from someone else's experience! Get out of this, give yourself some time to learn to be happy on your own and then find some one you can enjoy unreservedly. Both and had she deserve a happier situation than this.