Thread: Depressed and Cannot get over Girlfriends Sexual History

You've given me some insightful responses.

This is a toughie, I've been on the woman's side of this sort of with a man who couldn't cope. First of all, her making 'sly comments' about past lovers is not cool, that sounds like she is trying to draw a response from you and not a positve one. Although, some people do get off on thinking about their lover with someone else - being an observer of their pleasure. But if she knows this is upsetting to you and if she cares for you, she should stop it. As for talking to men she's slept with, that depends on why and when. If they were freinds who enjoyed each other sexually it's not surprising but most people seem to have trouble maintaining relationships once the sex is over.

The older you get and the more life experiences you have the less this sort of thing will probably bother you. But right now, for where you are in life, this is a huge issue. I had a relationship in my younger days, right out of high school with a guy who obsessed over my past. I did not play the head games your gf is and most of what he got worked up over had no basis in reality. In other words he would assume I'd slept with every guy who gave me a glance. I let him make my life miserable. We'd go someplace, I'd say hi to an old classmate or some guy would smile at me and I'd unthinkingly smile back and the fight would be on, it would go on all night.

The sex was amazing, he was reallllly good. But it wasn't worth it. We were both miserable. He finally broke it off and I was devistated for a while but it was a good thing it ended. He's never married and I think his first relationship with a gf in high school who had screwed around, screwed him up. The point is, you have to work on your issues around the inablity to cope with the idea that a lover isn't coming to you a virgin. Why would she be sleeping with you if she'd stayed a virgin that long? I call this the virgin/ thing. A lot of guys (especially younger ones) have this fantasy in their minds that they will find this woman who is amazing in bed but was a virgin until they met. Doesn't happen, virgins tend to be clumsy and need time to learn. Past a certain age they are virgins by conviction and want marriage before you're getting any.

It doesn't sound like this is a healthy relationship for you. You are right to want to get over this obsession but it sounds like she is head tripping you and you don't need that. Trust is vital in a relationship, it makes the sex better, communication better, it's just huge and it doesn't sound you're going to have it with this girl. You have to do what is best for you but from what you've said here it sounds like you should chalk this one up to your list of experiences and move on. It may not be easy but are torturing yourself and at some some level her too. A good relationship should be fun!

Take some of your own advice and let your light shine!