He put on a fake show. Should I leave him?

**bb789** · 10-01-2008 10:10 PM

Hi, I am pretty new to this on line communication thing so if I ramble I apologize although I have allot to say. I have been dating a man for 3 years that has a daughter the same age as my daughter. I have 2 children and he has one. We meet through our kids and I thought "oh what the perfect single dad". He had his daughter all the time, the mom was not in the picture whatsoever and we kicked it off so well! He was such a great dad even to my kids. You could not separate us. Getting to know this man Iim seeing several ISSUES and DEMANS come out. Not only with him but his daughter. His daughter has ADHD, Biopolar and who knows what else. This was hidden for a long time. His daughter's behavior is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend and my OWN CHILDREN. Her behavior is horrible for me ALTHOUGH not in front of her dad. Her dad does not believe me and says I am always picking on her. She could murder somebody and he would say, its okay honey daddy’s here. I love children and I try my true hardest to be far with all three kids. I get yelled at on a daily basis by my boyfriend about our kids and issues with his daughter. I feel if I would have known all the issues before falling in love I would not have moved in with this man and would have dated longer to see if it would work. Not to sound stuck up or anything I just would have taken more CAUTION because I have been in 2 seriously abusive relationships before this one and my guard has been up since. And my boyfriends behavior was completely different than the 2 other abusive jerks and I thought HE WAS THE ONE FINALLY. My boyfriend has trust issues with me and I have done nothing to give him that right. I am constantly accused of cheating. I am constantly put down about my parenting and he constantly complains how I do not suck his YOU KNOW WHAT enough. I feel all he cares about his pleasing himself and having someone there to watch his child while he works at night. Currently I am a stay at home mom but I am going back to work anytime. I get no appreciation for maintaining house, kids, meals, laundry. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. There is much more to this story and if it does not make sense I am sorry I just don't know where to start and end at this point. We do not have alone time which has been brought up many times and he promises the world but does not deliver. My boyfriend takes out his frustrations with his kid onto me and I cant take it anymore. I love this man but do not know if he truly is the one for me anymore. I am hurt, confused, and do not understand. Please help...

**WildChild** · 10-01-2008 10:21 PM

Questions: Why are you still there? What is this doing to your kids? What are you getting out of it? Why did you allow yourself to become dependant? There isn't anything positive about the relationship in your post, think about it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-02-2008 12:46 AM

I think all relationships when they start out are rosy and we can get caught up in it all and "believe" and there is nothing wrong with that. You didn't "chose" to end up in another abussive relationship, in-fact you were cautious.. Your only error was moving in so quickly, because it was then that it probably all commenced, the "partner" whom is abusive thinks that the control will destroy your self esteme and you will remain in that relationship, with no where else to go.

This is about you, but it's also about "your children".

I can understand initially him being a tad paranoid with telling you about his child and ADHD, however, he should have told you once the relationship was looking as if it may become something.

His comments pertaining to not enough bj's? That's in-excuseable.

If it was a case of him working nights, coming home to a screaming daughter that was out of control and a non-supportive "girlfriend" then i can understand tension however, this man is purely in it all for himself, left right and centre.

Trust your instincts, and start to work on you moving out and where you will go and regain your job.

As i said, you didn't do anything wrong so don't "mis-trust" the next person in your life, but stay as two separate living quarters for a long time before making any moves next time.

It's hard to find the "perfect" partner, let alone one you enjoy being around.

This one you don't deserve simple.

And your own children don't need a Mummy around who is depressed, nor hear him scream and shout, rave..

I don't think though that it's fair to say if you knew that his child had a dis-order you wouldn't have been with him... If he was a caring and nice guy that loved you, supported you, you should accept a situation like that as part of the relationship, as it is not his fault that his child has an illness.

But, he is abusive never the less, emotionally.

Don't pass stop, just go.

CW

**bb789** · 10-02-2008 12:51 AM

Thank you for listening....I am still here because I love him dearly and most of the time when we are alone it’s great. Also I am tied to him financially right now because I lost my job do to this wonderful economy. I am mad and hurt so I did not say anything positive in my post. This is what I fell in love with...A great father, all kids LOVE HIM. MY KIDS ADORE HIM. He a Disneyland dad for sure. The kids come first and nothing else. He is funny makes me laugh, (when we are not fighting), creative, talented, smart and loves to COOK. He cooks when he can for all of us. He is a family man, meaning not going out with the guys, bars ect. He use to make me feel special. He also went out of his way to make me feel loved and cherished. He cares about other people. He will stop to give someone on the side of the road his last dollar. He loves his family. But things have drastically changed....

**bb789** · 10-02-2008 01:15 AM

Thank you for listening...Yes the mistake I made was moving in too quickly. At the time I thought I was making the right choice. I will never do that again. As far as knowing about his daughter's illness he is in denial with alot of it, and is not handling very well. In the beginning, I thought he had all his ducks in a row for her and come to find out he doesn't. She is just NOW getting the help and therapy she needs mainly because of me and my input. Its not to say that I would have called it quits with him just because of his daughters illness/issues, its just that I wished I knew how severe it really was. And knew what I was getting myself and MY KIDS into...he surgarcoated everything and made it seem like the doctors could be way off and she may just grow out of it and be fine. As far as the BJ's I am tired of it. He makes comments daily about it Iam sick of it. Although, he never wants to please me? Not sure why? Our sex life has gone down hill to Iam miserable right now.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-02-2008 01:48 AM

Mmmm...

Then it appears that he has just "changed"? Not his way at all rather he's acting all different " all of a sudden?".

I can't recall, but I am sure that some of the guys here mentioned something about when guys are requesting on-going, bj's, relieve of tension or something... (not funny) but i felt like laughing there.

So, were you obliging in that department earlier on in the piece? and it is a two way street, so are you saying that he never, ever obliged with you?

Do you want to have sex with him or has he turned you off by constantly mentioned bj's?

It's a bit of a puzzle at the moment and you are filling in the blanks if that makes sense.

CW

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