What is Romance/Romantic?

**WildChild** · 10-13-2008 05:10 AM

Had a revelation this weekend and spent a lot of time thinking. Maybe part of my problem is one of definition or expectations. So I need some input. What is romance? What would you call romantic? What makes one thing romantic and another simply doing something nice for someone?

What triggered these questions is that I overheard someone asking someone else what was the most romantic thing anyone had done for them and after a couple of days of thought, I can't think of anything. I've done or set up something I consider romantic for a special man in my life but can't think of anything or time I've been the recipient or focus of something "romantic". I know I've had some awful relationships (and some I thought were good) but this is depressing!

So what's your best? What is romantic?

**commonsense** · 10-13-2008 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Had a revelation this weekend and spent a lot of time thinking. Maybe part of my problem is one of definition or expectations. So I need some input. What is romance? What would you call romantic? What makes one thing romantic and another simply doing something nice for someone?

What triggered these questions is that I overheard someone asking someone else what was the most romantic thing anyone had done for them and after a couple of days of thought, I can't think of anything. I've done or set up something I consider romantic for a special man in my life but can't think of anything or time I've been the recipient or focus of something "romantic". I know I've had some awful relationships (and some I thought were good) but this is depressing!

So what's your best? What is romantic?

Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is romance.

For the most part a person usually feels romantic about something that took some thought/effort to do it for them. The creation was done with them in mine down to the detail. For instance, arranging an event they always wanted to go to and never took the time to make it happen. Making some (a meal or anything) that you know they like just because. A warm hug or touch at just the right moment. Poetry, beautiful words or compliments spoken. It can go on and on...

**In-Need** · 10-13-2008 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by commonsense

Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is romance.

It can go on and on...

Very Good Thread - WildChild, As I was painting my house today I gave it some tho't wondering how romantic I might me. But 1st I wanted to see want Webster had to say what romance really was by definition - And commensense has it right on the head -

Defini= the noun is based on a a medieval tale of legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2): a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious (3): a love affair
Then- I like the tho't of love affair = a romantic attachment or episode between lovers

So instead of our Imaginary characters unless you fantasize, it covers having a love affair at being chivalric, heroic, adventurous, or mysterious, by lavishing personal attention, also I notice in some other definitions, they talked of bestowing gifts and treating that person with a lively enthusiasm.

So I feel the bottom line is like commonsense said is up to the individual of how enthusiastic they are about having a love affair, wether it be your wife,husband,bf,gf,so

The reason I like this Thread so well I'm trying very hard at rekindling my romanticism

**Joy** · 10-13-2008 05:00 PM

Oh Wild Child you always ask the hard questions

Romance showered over me would be any surprise..... a lil gift, a kiss and a cuddle at the right moment, Or anything crazy spontaneous.... like skydiving that's ok lets just do it!

I love giving surprises too nice meals that take a lot of love and care to prepare or favorites. Back rubs and cuddles. Some times just having that quiet peaceful moment in each others arms is nice

So what are you planning as a big romantic gesture WC???

**WildChild** · 10-14-2008 08:14 AM

Well Joy, This is part of my definition problem - I'm big on word choice and clear definitions - words have power. I'm in a transitional state and am doing a lot of self examination, kind cleaning the emotional closet so to speak. I'm trying to understand some of the choices I've made, relationships I've gotten into or stayed in when they didn't serve me in any positive way. I've had some real humdinger disasters.

It was a sad realization that I couldn't think of anything 'romantic' that I've been the intentional recipient of, that made wonder if the problem was more my definition than my reality. Seeing these responses, I'm rethinking my perceptions. Perhaps it's not an entire lack of romance so much as a lack of sustained romance. When I care for a man, I'm constantly thinking of what would bring him pleasure or make some part of his life better, what I've lacked is reciprocation. I can draw down and share an incredible amount of energy but without reciprocation at some point I lose my balance in the relationship because so little comes back to me, it just all flows out.

The relationship I'm in now has taken some interesting twists, we are both on a conscious journey of healing and discovery. Our meeting wasn't so much meeting as it was recognition. It has been and will continue to be very conscious growth experience and we have purposely backed it off to a freindship because we both recognise that this is much deeper than a bf/gf thing. We made a considered choice, knowing ourselves and our histories, to take the freindship first over the sex (which was simply amazing) because neither of us is willing to risk losing the freindship by falling into old patterns that our sexual relationships have followed. It's not easy, I loooove sex but can't allow it to replace or displace what we are building. This has the potential (already has been) to be a life altering relationship, I think we both know at some level that this could be "it", if we handle it well and that means we both have a ton of old baggage to process and we are doing much of it together. The romance thing is something I need to get clarity about. I don't want fairy tales I'm looking for reality. I need a reality check on this.

**sourpuss** · 10-14-2008 09:16 AM

I think being romantic is showing someone that you've thought of them when they weren't around. Or doing something that proves you are paying attention on a regular basis.

**Livelaughlove** · 10-14-2008 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

What is romance?

I believe the previous posters said what i would of said. commonsense is right on the money.

Originally Posted by WildChild

What would you call romantic?

I believe "Being romantic" is a compilation of romance. It is not only one thought or idea however more like a day of romance.

Too bad too much of a good thing is never a good thing. If your constantly romantic it will be taken for granted and will lose its appeal and eventually be expected. I think it should be added when it is not expected.

Originally Posted by WildChild

What makes one thing romantic and another simply doing something nice for someone?

I think it depends on the relationship, the amount of thought that went into it, and the type of person recieving the gesture. To a royal Open doors, Putting on her coat, helping with her seat, Giving up yours may be expected however to a peasant it will be seen as a fairy tale.

Originally Posted by WildChild

I can't think of anything. I've done or set up something I consider romantic for a special man in my life

The sad thing is that most of the women Ive been with are not very romantic. Not because they dont want to be is just because they dont know how. However, there have been some that blow my mind.

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love

**Livelaughlove** · 10-14-2008 10:20 AM

It should read

Originally Posted by Livelaughlove

I believe "Being romantic" is a compilation of romance. It is not only one thought or idea however more like a day of romance. One gesture feeding the other until the days end not knowing what happens next until the end where everything comes together.

I hit submit by accident.

If you want i can give example of things Ive done in the past...Which I believe are romantic.

Live laugh and love

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-14-2008 02:39 PM

I wonder WildChild through all that you have been through if it has made you "not" want to give that special part of yourself, your soul? I can see you are a very soul ful person, extremely so I hope that wasn't out of line.

But, I am saying, from:-

Where we open just enough, but then we close, to be romantic to me, means we have to open our hearts more, when they have been broken time and time again, and so somepeople can't do that, and so they don't, they close it. Could I use the word love then? Like we shut out giving 100% of that from hurt, therefore, we can not be romantic?

To be romantic shows passion and more importantly love in my books, the more love you have for anything in life, the more passion and therefore, romance goes hand in hand, you want it and you can give it.

I am a romantic but you can kick me to the curb and I will jump back up again and go on my merry way, pretty much un-hurt in the end run, hurt at the beginning. I find a positive out of everything negative.

But, you do close until you feel that you can be yourself totally and by that stage, all you may have shown is love, not romance...through fear of being taken advantage of, hurt? I do know that i don't open up straight away personally, and show my true self in a romantic situation, but do with friends.

Romantic? I have ordered a limo and picked a guy up, drank champagne and travelled along the coast for an hour on our first meet after 6 months of communication, he was not from my town.

( This man met a lady 3 days before, for 3 days at his sisters on his way to meet me, and felt a "romantic attraction" to her, and so my romantic gesture was seen as a nothing...

Romantic? I bought my ex-husband a motor bike he wanted, his face was priceless, ( lol, but 6 months later he traded it in for a dearer one on finance and tried to keep my money) ahhh lol... give me half at least buster.

See what I mean by you do but can be let down?

That is why I am wondering if you perhaps, didn't want to take the gamble of being romantic, for fears of it not being accepted as a beautiful thing, rather taken advantage of, or just ignored.

I refuse not to be me, i am me, and that's it, for the good and the bad, i will take it all, throw the bad into the black box and keep the good close to my heart..

Then forge on like a soldier, lol.

I think... Do we all have a "romantic bone in our body" and want to be romantic but some choose to close off that valve? Or, do some people simply not have a romantic bone in their body?

As to the things that I have found romantic?

Flowers, for no reason, a dinner date at an expensive restaurant for no reason, turning up at my work just to give me a kiss and leave, wanting to say hi, a ring, or special jewelery, holding my hand proudly showing me his house for the first time, kissing me and looking me in the eyes with lust but also beauty.

Lots, really.

CW

**WildChild** · 10-14-2008 02:42 PM

Well this brings up a point, do and how do, men and women see romance? Are their perceptions different? As I said over the years I've always tried to do things for the special man in my life but haven't found much reciprocation. My recent ex hubby's idea of a nice gift for me was a new ladder or saw so I could do more work on the house, this was usually after I'd finished a project where it would have been really helpful and had been told we couldn't afford it. I'm a bit of a tool nut but there is nothing 'romantic' in that.

Showing up once a year with some half wilted flowers wrapped in grocery store celephane and shoving them at a woman, saying, "I figured you'd expect flowers" really isn't romantic either. I would act like it was the greatest thing going but it almost insulting. So maybe part of it is attitude? Not just what you do but how? There is giving someone a back rub very clinically and then there's a back rub, with candles and kisses.

I agree that you shouldn't be so predictable or routine that it becomes too much of a good thing but neither person should ever give up all the little courtesys toward each other that show caring, respect and that even if you are stressed or busy you still appreciate each other. I've experienced this and see it with many couples, they become very careless of each other. It's really disheartening when you arrange to have the kids spend the night with freinds, clean the house up, fix a special meal, flowers on the table, light a trail of candles to the bedroom and get a response of, "I want to see what I'm eating and where I'm going" and "candles are dangerous", "You know this is the night House is on" You suppose I did that twice? Oh No!

Now I'm on my own and I don't know when, if ever the opportunity will arise to be "romantic". I treat myself and kids sometimes, making a special occasion out of an ordinary meal or day but it would be really nice to be able to share that with a special someone, someday. I'm trying to get clear on what my past experiences were and what to look to for the future?
So do you think men and women see romance differently? Would a man find a new sawzall or a sump pump romantic?

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