Thread: Jealousy issues are driving me crazy

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. We are both in our late 30’s. About 6 months into the relationship, we went over to visit one of his female co-workers who is also a friend. Prior to this, he had talked about this woman only in the context of work, and to my knowledge the two had never hung out during the time that I knew him except maybe to have a coffee at work. She had called him at home a few times but he told me that it was work-related. He always described her as being a bit rough around the edges and outspoken, so I pictured someone rough-looking as well.

When we went to visit her, I was surprised to see that she was very attractive. Right from the start I felt like an outsider as she didn’t even shake my hand to say hi or even look me in the eye. Most of the visit was consumed with them talking (mostly her) and I felt like I was invisible. When I tried to interject in the conversation, I was just talked over by her. She was also very touchy-feely with my boyfriend which I didn’t appreciate. Although my boyfriend seemed oblivious to all of this and after the visit claimed that they had always been nothing but friends, my female intuition told me otherwise. I felt some kind of vibe there that was scary to say the least. It seemed like she didn’t want me there and I believe that the touchy-feely thing was her trying to show me that she had a special place in his life. This woman has a boyfriend that she has just moved in with but he is not the social type – during the visit he sat in the living room and watched TV by himself. I was told that he also refuses to go out socially, even for dinner with friends. It would have been a different story if we had visited as a couple and they had at least shown a modicum of interest in meeting me, but obviously that is not what they are about. I also told my boyfriend that I thought that they were both a bit rude in their behavior but he just said, “Oh, that’s just the way they are”.

In the upcoming weeks, this woman was calling by boyfriend at his house, sometimes just to talk but sometimes to ask favors of him, like could he do some repairs for her or stuff like that. A few calls were work-related but most were not. I viewed this as her once again ‘staking her territory’. My boyfriend always cut the calls short but the calls were starting to grate on me. Once she called on Saturday morning while we were snuggling in bed. I got very angry and told my boyfriend that I thought that her calls were intrusive and that they should limit their relationship to work. He was initially quite upset and refused to do anything about it, but after awhile he told her not to call him at home anymore. That was several months ago and since then, she has taken on a job with a different company. I was hoping that was the last I’d hear of her. She hasn’t called him at home since, but I know that she is contacting him on his cell because she called him recently while we were on our way to dinner.

Although my boyfriend has stated point blank that they have never had a sexual relationship, I don’t believe him. I can see a future with this man and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him but I will always wonder in the back of my mind if they have had more than a friendship and if so, could something happen again? I hate feeling like this and I don’t know if it is because of trust issues from my marriage, because of the way this woman brushed me off, or something else. Help!