Mid-Life Crisis, Real or Something Else

**In-Need** · 11-19-2008 02:33 AM

I picked this up from a site that had this opinion.

"Someone once said to me "if it weren’t so cliche" I'd think I was having a midlife crisis." There is nothing cliche or trite about a midlife crisis. If you talk to middle aged men and women who have experienced divorce you will find that many of them will tell you their spouse changed overnight. Became someone who discarded all that was once important to them for a new life that was all about what they wanted." Unquote

My question, is this something people are using as tool to just go out and do what they want, lets say selfishly or is it because people really do redefine themselves, and realize they are not what they once were and want something much different.

Not sex, I'm not talking that here, tho it will no doubt have it's place.

Myself, I've had these "so called changes going on in me, my mind, my body, my heart, that really makes me think about this question.

Does women have this crisis also, and if so express your experience if you will. They say the age is somewhere between 40-60. I know that women go thru menopausal stages. Is it the same thing? I lived with a woman that has already gone thru that stage. Very unique experience, not only for a woman but for a man as well!

I've not been around alot of divorced men and women for sometime so are these actions justifiable because of a so called midlife crisis. Are you in the middle of the road? Do you consider it reprehensible, disapproved of? What?

I'd like to see what the women here have experienced with their SO's. Thanks!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-19-2008 04:06 AM

Well a lot of us aren't at the point in time yet.

Let me say this.

PMS - I wrote that you can overcome this there are logical things you can do, and it works, including positive mind.

So be it with this scenario... When the times come I know know I can avoid alot of the ................that goes with it, it's how you think....

But as I said, who is 50+ here? not many of us... but great thread, very interesting perhaps they recall their Mothers? For-instance that they would not have thought of?

CW

**In-Need** · 11-19-2008 04:15 AM

Yes I tho't of that after I posted the thread but some do at the age of 40 I understand.

All of a sudden I feel like odd man out, or is it old man out, ha,lol.

that's ok

**2morrow** · 11-19-2008 07:18 AM

I personally believe that alot of people do go thru a re-evaluation at midlife. (When is midlife anyway ? Some people say its around 35-40 while others say it starts at 50. ) Some people call it a crisis, I don't know if that term should describe everyones situation. Mine started in my mid thirties. So it definitely had nothing to do with menopause.

I think if you are generally unhappy in your marriage, career or any life situation the "crisis" phase generally starts then. Maybe its a wakeup call, to get your life straightened out, or go out and get the job you really want, or end your unhappy marriage. Maybe its finally listening to that little voice inside us, and doing what we truly need to do.

**rcoreyus** · 11-19-2008 10:53 PM

I think a midlife crisis is when you realize that all of those dreams from your childhood aren't really going to come true, you won't be an astronaut, rock star, Noble prize winner, and an Olympic athlete. How it affects you depends on your attitude.

You can decide that since you have failed at your childhood wishes, you need to CHANGE EVERYTHING - get divorced, buy a sports-car, and try to muscle your way to the top of the organization at work.

Or you can decide to set some more realistic goals.

Or maybe decide that life is pretty good, and just find some new fun things to do before you get too old.

**WildChild** · 11-20-2008 08:18 AM

It seems you get different thing going on, one is that unless you've really taken good care of yourself (even if you have but not so much) your body starts changing and the weight that used to almost control itself gets out of control and it takes longer to recover from an injury. The chemicals that control everything in your body start to change. The other thing is you realize that you are getting older and things may not be what you want in your life, there are things you didn't do or wish you'd done differently and you feel like you're running out of time. You have enough experience that you see other people doing obviously stupid things that you didn't notice before. Your **it meter readjusts so you may become more tollerant and patient or less so.

All this combines with societal messages that you are over the hill, getting too old to do or feel whatever. Which is nonsense. People who are 90 still fall in love and can act like teenagers doing it. I know two women in their late 70s who have fought over a now 90 something man for more than 30 years, one lives with him and he plays them against each other. They are a regular soap opera. And don't think sex isn't involved in that, it is. As we are longer lived now, we need some different attitudes. I know another spry 78 year old who bicycles 30 -40 miles a day, is a vegetarian and carries one of his several bikes up and down three flights of stairs a couple times a day. On the other side I also know people in their 50s or 60s who can barely handle one flight of stairs unencumbered. As we get older we are all over the board in terms of health, mental accuity and activity and interest levels.

The mid life thing really is a re-evaluation. I'm all grown up, what do I do? What have I done? What now? Yikes!!!

**In-Need** · 11-20-2008 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

The mid life thing really is a re-evaluation. I'm all grown up, what do I do? What have I done? What now? Yikes!!!

Well put WC there been other good comment but I think yours is probably the closest. and the Yikes part is really a true feeling

I had some of these feelings I remember between the age of 38 to 42 and now more of the same plus some and more intense.

Would like to see even some of the younger generation give their opinion of what they think it might be. Maybe from their experiences from Moms and Dads relationships.

**Searching_82** · 11-21-2008 07:25 AM

Did you hear that there is now a quarter-life crisis too?? Between ages 21-28 because thats when people are graduating, but not finding the job that they thought they would have, do I get married/do I not? This person I know is having kids...but am I ready for kids...did I go to school for the right things.. etc. etc.

I think bottom line is life can be a 'crisis'. It's how you handle that 'crisis' that matters. I just say follow your heart and gut. If your heart and gut say leave a current situation...leave it...grow from it..don't look back. If you are just doing something for kicks...it probably isn't the best idea.

My parents are going through their mid life crisis lol. Daddy bought a souped up Charger about two years ago (this thing should be in car shows) this huge awesome truck that is loaded with features, and he is getting a motorcycle next year (Harley..of course.) Mom started doing her hair..and tanning sometimes...she'll get her nails done and always wants to go shopping with me and my sister...she "goes out with the girls". It's funny to be on the outside watching because they look like young kids again..I laugh now ....20 years down the road that will be me....oi vey. Sorry for me and all those around me!!

**N01** · 11-21-2008 08:20 AM

I think that it's only a "crisis" if you let it become one.

A lot of people change their priorities, some for the better, some worse. I think it's more a realization that we aren't immortal and that we are afraid of having missed out on something, and trying to enjoy things a little more than we had previously.

some people make more drastic changes and I can't really say if its good or bad. Is it better to stay in a relationship where you're not very happy, or to just leave? Guess it depends on the totality of the circumstances and what part of it is making you (or the both of you) unhappy.

So yes, I bought a motorcycle (well 2 motorcycles and not Harleys), spend a little more time on me than everyone else, but nothing radical. For me it's mostly what rcoyerus said, "...maybe decide that life is pretty good, and just find some new fun things to do before you get too old."

**WildChild** · 11-21-2008 10:06 AM

May be calling it developmental passages would be better. When my kids were little I noted that learning went on all the time but every once in a while they'd make a leap. The light bulb went off and all at once they had made a huge step in understanding. I think if we let it the process continues throughout life although it may be less dramatic most if the time. At certain point a number of things coe together and we gain a new perspective and realize that we need to do something different. Unfortunately for many people it's toys rather than intelectual, which may represent fighting change rather than embracing it. But them it could be that feeling of needing to do things and try things while the body is still strong. I know a woman who get her motorcycle licence in her 60s and at 78 she claims she can still ride. She can hardly get up and down a flight of stairs but talking about it brings a twinkle to her eye.