Thread: heartbroken and confused

I'm going to comment on your last question 1st. It's my opinion "That once a Cheater always a Cheater" is false.

To me that's like saying once you do anything that might be a character flaw, a moral flaw, or any flaw, you'll always be that way. Ppl do change for the better or the worse. Anybody that's on this forum of any age should be able to say that some of the things they use to say or do they don't anymore and of course they could say they are the worse for it and are controlled by those flaws even more. Seems as tho Cheaters do have a bad track record, but no, they don't have to be one forever. If that was the case with life then our prisons would be fuller than they are now, trust me!

Myself, there are many things as a young man I had as Character/Moral Flaws but I've changed much for the better. I could tell you many things about myself that were ugly but I simply have changed.

I understand you are hurt, you care for her, you've had intimate times together that are pleasant to the memory, but you're going to have to let her make the moves if you believe you can forgive her, you'll have to overcome the not trusting issue. It would be natural for you to be somewhat cautious if you got back together. Don't force the issue, let her make the moves, sure you could speak to her but take it slow. Myself, if it gets that far I would not even involve sex, that would be a test for both of you because healthy relationships are built on more than that, right?

Get out, enjoy yourself, it will make it easier on you!

Good Luck

i've asked that question in this forum too, but in my case, i was the girl, my boyfriend was, loosely speaking, the cheater.

i honestly believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not always true. In Need is right, people can change, and my belief is that people will change if they want to. your girl told you she cheated, that's a good sign. but if she's being shady about the details, it's either she's not being completely sincere with you, or she doesn't want to hurt you more by being in depth about it.

CW is right, you've got to be able to talk to her about the issue. first tell her that for you two to work out both of you have to be completely honest, which means she has to tell you everything you want to know. only you can judge though if you think she's learned her mistake and is willing to change.

just remember that working out your relationship will be twice as difficult now if you decide to take the risk with her and get back together because not only will you be battling with the jealousy (which on your end will be stronger after what happened), but you'll now also have to fight for her against your family. and I think you'll only be able to do so if you're sure about her and secure with her. if you can't trust her, how will you be able to defend her against your family?

it all really boils down to two things: 1. do you think she is willing to change for you? and 2. can you still fight for her?

i hope this helps.

I saw her on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I couldn't stand even looking at her, all my feelings of how much I love her, the jealousy, and anger, everything flowed back in one huge rush, I had to leave. Her mom gave me a letter saying a few things about how she felt and how she saw my ex and how she thought my ex was feeling. Needless to say I had to talk to her on Sunday. So I made sure they couldn't leave without at least saying goodbye. We talked for a couple hours and she explained everything very thoroughly. She says she did when she first told me, but like I said, the only words I could make out were "I'm sorry." I do feel like she's genuine, but I really cannot take getting hurt like that again. And the way she described it is that the guy was very persistent wouldn't leave, tackled her and started to work. Kissing her neck, stroking her arms and legs, just pulling her in. She says that she told him no and she told him to leave but he refused. So she can say no unless they are very persistent....? Although I know that he went to her house after that and they didn't do anything so why couldn't she have done that to begin with? I was going to marry her. I gave her a ring for valentines day that we both liked alot. I was going to have it duplicated with diamonds and a ruby and everything. What am I going to do now? I want to be with her so badly, but don't feel like I can. For people that have been cheated on...should I just give it time? Or will I never get over this? Will my love for her really fix this?